Potential Hazards of Online Romances

[jaeangel]

I have a problem.
I recently found myself chatting with a Type Five (From the Five Common Types of Internet Dominants thread in Knowledge Base - TG) in a chatroom. I didn't start the whisper, he did. It came out that he'd seen my profile a while back on MSN, and was lurking around waiting for me to enter one of the chatrooms so he could 'pounce'. Not that he came out and said it that way, but that was how he made it sound.
Anyway, we got to talking, and my location caught his attention. When I checked his profile, I found that he actually lives barely twenty minutes away from me. WALKING. Fortunately for me, he doesn't know where exactly I live, and I've been careful to give him the impression that I live somewhere in the inner city.
My problem is this; now, every time I sign onto Messenger to talk to one of my beta readers about my stories, he's there, sending me IM's. He's trying to push me into telling him where I live, and also trying desperately to talk me into having an affair with him and cheating on my hubby. I've cancelled my AIM account, and am on the verge of cancelling my MSNIM account because he's just so damn persistent. I have told him, politely at first, then increasingly more rudely, that I have no interest in him other than an occasional chat about our lifestyles, and I am certainly not going to imperil my marriage for a two-bit, pushy, cheating (he also is married, according to his profile) posing Dom wannabe . I've stopped just short of profanity, but he still doesn't seem to get the message.
Should I switch roles, put on a Domme atttude, and try to order him off? Does anyone think that might help? Anyone have any suggestions, or any stories about your own experience that might help? Please. I'm really creeped out.

[mythicat]

I've never used MSNIM, but most IM systems have an "ignore" list and a way to report harrassment. Either of those might help. Or you could report him directly to his ISP, which is probably what MSN would do if you reported him to them. Also if you have your conversations logged, I'd hold onto the logs for a while just in case you need to provide anyone with "evidence".

I certainly wouldn't keep talking to him in any case. You're just feeding his need for negative attention. Tell him you're reporting him/putting him on ignore (even if you don't) and then just quit replying.

[Learn Humility]

I wouldn't have even posted here the part about (edited by author)

[slavelucy]

Shold I switch roles, put on a Domme atttude, and try to order him off? Does anyone think that might help?

Actually, yes, i do. In my experience, some guys will continue to come on to you, long after it became inappropriate, whilst you continue to be submissive, they just take the piss, they're very thick skinned. Whilst i'm not sure shouting or losing your temper would help, i definately think being VERY firm and totally burying your submissive side is a good idea. Also, make any conversation as dull as possible, refuse to be drawn into anything relating to sex, BDSM, your erotic literature etc and ignore any compliments he gives to you...most guys will get very bored of that quite quickly. In fact, have you tried not speaking to him at all?

Also, in terms of what Learn Humility said...if you do want any of that last post editing, please just give me a shout.

sl

[mythicat]

Not sure about the appropriateness of this suggestion...

But perhaps a moderator should edit the personally revealing bits out of her post...and Learn Humility's repetition of them...until we hear back from her? That way the danger doesn't linger in the meantime.

They can always be added back in after she returns.

Like I said, dunno whether that would be appropriate or not. Just a bit worried about that info sitting there without her confirming she wishes it to remain after the risk has been pointed out to her.

If it's an inappropriate suggestion, feel free to delete this post entirely as well.

[Wontworry]

While half agreeing with you, mythicat, the assumption would be that everything jaeangel has written is true. In all honesty I doubt that she actually takes a long walk (there and back) every day and makes a point of going to his district ? There must be other places to walk, and I am not sure that she would have the time with the kids and all.

Her post may be partly to throw the guy or, more likely, to give an example of what it 'could' be like.

To start censoring posts because of possibilities leaves the whole set up very open to abuse.

[slavelucy]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, mythicat, there is nothing wrong with making suggestions hun *smiles*, so please don't feel like you did something wrong.

Having given this some thought, i am not going to edit any of the posts in question, primarily for the same reason stated by Wontworry.

i have PM'd jaeangel about the matter, hopefully i'll hear back from her soon.

sl

(i also PM'd you, mythicat )

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Thread split and off-topic parts moved to a more appropriate forum.

Party on!

[redEva]

stop being polite to him, stop responding to him, put him on ignore - and/or change your IM nick.

[Pandora's Box]

The block button is a marvelous thing. Use it.

In regards to turning it around and playing switch. I wouldn't bother. If you don't want to endanger your marriage as a submissive, why would you want to do so as a dominant?

[jaeangel]

I was concentrating on asking my question, and didn't even realize I'd put that in!!
Thank you so much everybody for letting me know I slipped up so majorly. slave lucy, I'm sorry for that PM I sent you with the profanity; I read your message before I went onto the board, and that was what alerted me to the fact that I seriously goofed!
I don't think he comes here anymore; I directed him here to the personals so he could find a sub of his own (and leave me alone!) but he said there was nothing for him here and he didn't think this forum had anything to offer him. However, I don't know if he frequents the Library, or might slip in here just occasionally, and I was extremely careless for posting this message here. Thank you all for pointing out the error.
BDSM Tourguide, I'm sorry I posted this to the other thread; I didn't think my little problem warranted a thread of its own. slave lucy, thank you again, and I'm really sorry about the post, it was a knee-jerk reaction.
I have put him (all six of his identities) on my ignore list, and the block list, but he just creates a new identity and IM's me again. He's a pain in the you-know-where. I'm going to delete my MSNIM profile and put up a different one with a more general location, but I signed a one year contract with MSN and I can't back out of it. Maybe they'll let me change my email address.
Thanks to everyone who offered advice. I didn't think my little problem would get this much attention! I'll let you know what happens.

[mythicat]

I'm going to delete my MSNIM profile and put up a different one with a more general location, but I signed a one year contract with MSN and I can't back out of it. Maybe they'll let me change my email address.

You should definitely notify them about what's going on and the full extent of it...see what services they can offer you. As large as they are, I'm sure they have a strategy in place for dealing with this sort of thing. If you still have trouble shaking the guy let me know, I may be able to offer further advice.

[mythicat]

In all honesty I doubt that she actually takes her dog on a 40 minute walk...I am not sure that she would have the time with the kids and all.

Her kids are both very young; it's common for women to do a lot of stroller-pushing walking after a pregnancy in order to lose the "baby butt".

Not that jae's little tush isn't perfectly bitable just way it is. :[

[duktig flicka]

There is only one way to deal with this sort of person. Ignore them. Blocking is overrated as they'll just keep making new accounts. I've had similar problems and I've found that if you don't give them anything, they'll get bored and quit after a while. These types are extremely thick-headed and will take anything you say as a sign that you're interested in them. Whenever a message pops up from him, just minimize it and let him pratter on all he wants.

If you're afraid that he might have some idea of where you live, making a report to the police might be a good idea. Then if, God forbid, he threatens you or anything of the sort, there will be a lot more the police can do.

[jaeangel]

Her kids are both very young; it's common for women to do a lot of stroller-pushing walking after a pregnancy in order to lose the "baby butt".

Not that jae's little tush isn't perfectly bitable just way it is. :[

And on that, I will have to get more batteries for my digital camera so i can put up a picture. Be warned, though; I got stretch marks from my pregnacies in places where even my doctor didn't know a woman could get stretch marks, so while they're mostly faded, my skin still feels like a roadmap in some places. Namely my belly, inner thighs, my inner calves, and my arches (which look really, really weird on my size three feet.) The ones on my butt are mostly gone, though.
I HATE STRETCH MARKS!!

[jaeangel]

Jae -

I'd suggest that you also use at least two different messenger programs; and keep one program and nickname for bdsm-related friends; and another for family/people you really know. That way, if you get someone that keeps pestering you (by making new nicknames and such), you just signup for a new name for the bdsm-related friends, and tell the ones you want to keep talking to your new nickname.

I did that, and now I can chat uninterrupted with my beta-readers! Thanks, i wonder why I didn't think about it before! Kiss kiss!

[jaeangel]

Actually, yes, i do. In my experience, some guys will continue to come on to you, long after it became inappropriate, whilst you continue to be submissive, they just take the piss, they're very thick skinned. Whilst i'm not sure shouting or losing your temper would help, i definately think being VERY firm and totally burying your submissive side is a good idea. Also, make any conversation as dull as possible, refuse to be drawn into anything relating to sex, BDSM, your erotic literature etc and ignore any compliments he gives to you...most guys will get very bored of that quite quickly. In fact, have you tried not speaking to him at all?
sl

It worked! Actually, I didn't sign on as me, I pretended to be my husband and told the guy off for harassing 'my wife'. I threatened to send his email box a message for his wife telling her of his intended infdelity. Since his wife is on the computer more, and he already told me that she opens all the email, that was a risk he didn't want to take, so he got really quiet, and i haven't heard a thing from him the last couple of days, even with my MSNIM on. Happy happy joy joy!
And hubby told me I can start looking around on the net for a Domme in our area who might be willing to have me submit! He told me no men, but another woman is okay. As long as he can watch. Hey, I'll take whatever I can get. Now I just have to find a Domme who doesn't mind a married Asian slut sub. Takers, anyone?