"Lifestyle"?

[dynamicbuttler]

Can we please stop calling it "The Lifestyle"? I don't know about you guys, but I'm a regular guy. I don't have any smug sense of satisfaction for how I like to fuck or how I want a 24/7 domineering girlfriend. I think people see BDSM as a bunch of freaks and instead of extending the olive branch of knowledge out, we alienate ourselves as being "lifers." I barely approve of the word lifestyle because of how it's always used for SEXUAL purposes but if there were anything needing of the word it would not be this. I mean, what the hell?! We're just like everyone else only our taste in sex is a little more predatory and brutal. Dow we have a "lifestyle" any different from other people's?

[cariad]

A personal answer is yes, my lifestyle is different to many people's, and to me the kinky sex is only the icing on the cake. I make no apologies for the use of the term lifestyle since it hopefully it indicates so much more than just ropes and whips. It is not linked to any smug sense of satisfaction, just to that fact that for me, BDSM neither starts nor ends in the bedroom.

cariad

[Guest 91108]

I agree with cariad ..

The wife and I have made it part of our daily lives. I think it's even noticeable to those who hear her comments on the phone to me at lunch. sometimes she tells me what they have said and we laugh...

so it can be a lifestyle .. just because you aren't in a situation to participate in one doesn't mean others don't

smiles.

[~hellish one~]

ditto!

i don't think of 'lifestyle' as having a sexual definition...because like cariad said, yeah the kinky sex is great, but it is by no means the basis for my 'lifestyle'. it's part of my day to day life and has integrated itself into the smallest of things...such as Him having control over what i wear or what i eat for breakfast. mmmm....nothing sexual there. lol

i don't think calling it a lifestyle is what makes people think we are a big bunch of freaks. i think people just tend to shy away from what they don't understand. ~shrugs~

[***Kate***]

For me its easy.
I dont say lifestyle... I simply say way of life.
as I am 24/7 I live this way of life. so for me and my slaves its away of life not a style

[~hellish one~]

just thought i'd toss this in here...

Main Entry: life·style
Pronunciation: 'lIf-'stI(-&)l, -"stI(-&)l
Function: noun
: the typical way of life of an individual, group, or culture

yep...sounds about right.

[precious]

Let's see... Just off the top of my head...

my dress
my exercise
my diet
what i listen to
what type of writing i do
my schedule
my volunteer work
my career
my hairstyle
my make up

all of those are controlled, in some aspect, by my relationship with Master. Think that pretty well covers my life (for the most part) and hence the "life style" that i CHOOSE. Most of the items aren't sexual, although the TYPE of sex i participate in is part of the life choice i make...

Everyone has a lifestyle... a choice they make in how they live their life... it just doesn't have the sex with the "extras." (Too bad for them! *grinz*)

[Guest 91108]

laughs

[precious]

laughs

*wonders what the Wolf is laughing at...*

[Guest 91108]

smiles at precious.. um just the mood of the day .. grins.

[TomOfSweden]

I think it does a lot. My theory is that dominance is a factor in any relationship between any two people, always. We all like to be dominated or dominate. All of us. It's a human thing. As I see it, BDSM'ers have realised this and explored it.

When my non-BDSM friends talk about their relationship problems I can't relate at all. It's as if it's some kind of power struggle where one wins and the other loses. I just don't get it.

I think that under the hood, all humans are into BDSM. Whether they live it or not. What makes us different is that we are the healthy ones. We're the smart crowd who's understood what it's all about and done something about it, instead of whining to our best friends in bars.

And then off-course you've got the people who've understood what it's all about but are just too lazy to do anything about it. Which I guess would be some sort of middle-ground.

[gagged_Louise]

As long as it's a choice that goes beyond just what you do in bed - and I think to most people here, like Cariad and baby girl put it, it is to do with something that's deeply writ in you as a person, otherwise you don't hang on - it does become a lifestyle, an essential element of your life even if you're not in a full-time live-in 24/7 D/s relation at all, and wouldn't want to be. Me, I don'yt always use the L word but i can't see anything itchy about it, it's useful, to the point, and it avoids sounding like you were always making a statement (if you always used "being a BDSMer" or "committed slave" it would sound much more stilted and proclaiming)

[TheDeSade]

ok . . . I also like to mess around on sailboats. I have all the equipment, can speak the language, have the skills and the experience. . . . . does that affect my bdsm "lifestyle." I spend a considerable amount of my free time doing this. I have lots of friends who enjoy this also. BUT I don't use it to define myself just as I don't use my bdsm interests to define me. In fact, I like to think I defy being defined. YEAH. . . Thats the ticket. . . . I am beyond definition. I am just to complex to be defined. . . YEAH!!!!

[precious]

ok . . . I also like to mess around on sailboats. I have all the equipment, can speak the language, have the skills and the experience. . . . . does that affect my bdsm "lifestyle." I spend a considerable amount of my free time doing this. I have lots of friends who enjoy this also. BUT I don't use it to define myself just as I don't use my bdsm interests to define me. In fact, I like to think I defy being defined. YEAH. . . Thats the ticket. . . . I am beyond definition. I am just to complex to be defined. . . YEAH!!!!

Yep... Master loves to sail. Think some days i rate as a hobby behind the boat! *grinz*

And YES... He is beyond definition!... WAY to complex!

*goes off giggling.... *

[Stone]

I agree it is a lifestyle i do live my live diffrently than the vanilla crowd in allmost every facet of personal relationships sure i do not go around domming random people on the street but then in a way i do.so next i guess you will be telling the gay lesbian crowd that them using the word lifestyle is not right either?

[gloombunny]

It's a lifestyle, but that doesn't mean calling BDSM in general "the lifestyle" isn't stupid.