A Dark and Confusing Fantasy

[gogo]

I have a continually recurring dark and secret fantasy that is driving me nuts and i'd like to air it out: (concerns a gay male rape so if that's not for you, move on)

I am married with two young kids. I've ALWAYS sought sex with women and have even had a few dalliances after marriage. There is nothing more that turns me on than a good looking woman. I travel a lot in my business and try and stay at the best hotels whereever i am (the pampered executive type, you might say). Of course, I fantasy about the exciting adventures that I could have with a strange lady (and have even done it a few times with a few ladies !

However, I the fantasy that I can't seem to lose and am now becoming obsessed about is as follows: After a particuarly successful business meeting, i'm on my way to the airport, but miss my plane because of traffic delays. Instead of turning to the city for a quality hotel, i decide to stay at a roadside motel because it's close to the airport and I hope to get on a plane in the am, next day. After getting my room, I drive the rental car to the front of my room and start to bring my suitcase inside leaving the door open as i do so. Before closing up my car and the motel door, i hit the bathroom quickly. As i exit the bathroom, there standing in front of me with a shit-eating grin, is a young, tall blond-haired body-builder type in tee-shirt, jeans and a NASCAR hat. He quickly proceeds to close and lock my motel room door as I stand in shock. He then pulls out a large and nasty looking knife and proceeds to tell me that he'll dismember me, separate me from my dick, and, otherwise, inflict much pain (leaving the question of my life as an open issue) if I don't do exactly what he does. . . do I understand? . . . I do and he has my undivided attention. He orders me to strip naked ( I quickly comply keeping my eyes on the knife).

The rest of the evening and well into the next day (forget the morning flight, folks) was very simple for me. . follow orders, period. It was not pretty. The night and day had me: in tight hogtie and other demeaning bondage positions as he drank beer, watched to tube, and took photos of me with a digital camera (they would come home to haunt me, read on). For variety, he' would untie me, set me between his legs and forced me to suck him off while he watched t.v. I was fucked and sucked (i swallowed, it seemed to me, gallons of cum. . it was like he was Viagra or something!) whenever,whereever and however he desired. He would also message my cock until i started getting hot, but didn't wouldn't let me blast off until I, literally, begged him for it (that's about as low as you can go, i guess). He finally let me go the next afternoon with a warning about my family (he had my address), and the photos (do you really think that I would have told anyone about my complete degredation. . i think not) . . . six months later a set of potos showed up at my office. photos of me in various "compromising" positions (a few with me smiling !!). An attached note indicating the date and time and location of my return (with $5,000.00 in blackmail $$) for a return "engagement". What to do? What to do?

I've always considered myself "straight" but i can't lose this dark fantasy. I'm bothered and confused, but have to admit that i remain on the lookout for Mr. Daytona 500 and hope that i can catch up with him (or is it the other way around??) on an upcoming trip.

My mind goes back and forth: Gay, or straight (or both?????) maybe i should hit a shrink. . . or better yet I trip to a NASCAR event.

tx for reading. gogo

[Tang]

No, I don't think you are necessarily gay, though I think everyone is on a continuum, no-one is 100% anything (possibly a controversial statement, but I'll leave that for others to discuss). What fantasy is about is thinking about things that are probably improbable or impossible for you, and the further they are from your actual life often the more of a turn-on they are. Your fantasy could have you being used by a blond businessman who comes into your executive hotel room, but instead you go to the other, more daring and exciting extreme and have it happen in a scummy motel with someone from a different social strata, different dress, etc.

As everyone here knows, the loss of power over your actions is the first step to allowing what appears to be daring to you, to happen. In this case you have given it more of an edge, as you know in reality you could stay in such a motel and even arrange for a male prostitute to act out such a scene, so whilst it has that dangerous, fantasy-like quality you have rooted it in the feasible as well. I guess all men have fantasies about having sex with other men at some time, in the way they also fantasise about sleeping with their sister-in-law, because it is taboo, so gives it an edge that might otherwise be missing.

What you do about it is up to you. You could write it down and masturbate over it a few times, and I am sure as your mind normalises it, it will become less of a thrill and you may then wonder what all the fuss was about and return to straight fantasies. You could watch a video of such a set-up. You could probably quite easily arrange to role play such a scene (I would not advise trolling round cheap motels looking for such an encounter, though many people would).

I think you need to explore what this fantasy means to you. I guess most likely your mind will tire of it and will move on to something such as the Oriental hostess on your flight or something of that nature. If you find that does not happen and you develop more fantasies on the same theme, this does not mean you are gay, you could just be straight with some bi curiosity or it might be a stronger element in your character. Women are told that they should only start worrying about their husband's sexual orientation if he has more than two gay flings. However, I think the first place is to write it out as you have done and then see how you feel about it as time passes. Often your body (and libido) knows what is really going on inside your mind more than your mind does.

[jaeangel]

No, I don't think you are necessarily gay, though I think everyone is on a continuum, no-one is 100% anything (possibly a controversial statement, but I'll leave that for others to discuss).

My hubby used to consider himself homophobic. He didn't like gay people, avoided watching Queer Eye on TV, etc. One day i pointed out to him, "If you aren't gay, why do you watch straight sex pornos?"
He didn't understand.
"The pornos with men and women going at it. And you don't like seeing the guys with small ones, you want to see guys with 'big ones' going down on women.If you like watching that, and you actually pay attention to the guy's package, then you can't be a complete homophobe."
He tried to dismiss it as a 'guy thing' but I know he was thinking about it later. And he's been quiet on the subject of gays since.

[Dododecapod]

Pretty much every serious study of human sexuality has shown that most people are attracted to both sexes to a greater or lesser degree. According to Masters and Johnson, some 60% of straights have a homosexual affair at some stage in their lives, while some 90% of people who identify themselves as gay have straight affairs.

A gay fantasy needn't mean anything other than being an exciting fantasy. If you're happy with women and attracted to them, your attraction is probably primarily hetero. Unless you feel a need to explore your attractions to men further, just sit back and enjoy the fantasy.

[Tang]

Jaeangel, because of this principle, this is why real men only like to watch 'lesbian' porn.

[leo9]

My mind goes back and forth: Gay, or straight (or both?????) maybe i should hit a shrink. . .

Well, hitting shrinks is a good idea, but that's another story :-)

I don't think you're gay or straight, I think you're sub. I've had a lot of male subs over the years, and they often say "I'm not gay but I want you to fuck me or force me to suck you". And I used to think they were bi and couldn't admit it, but I've come to the conclusion that they're just submissive.

They want to be dominated by someone, sex doesn't matter. And when they're in the mood to want to be really degraded, being used by a man is the worst thing they can imagine. If they were really gay, it wouldn't have the same kick for them.

(I did once hear from someone who claimed to be a lesbian sub who wanted to submit to a man because it was the most degrading thing that could happen to her: but she never showed, so I doubt if she was genuine.)

[Rob5]

gogo,

After reading your dark and cofusing fantasy, I was reminded of my own. Despite always being straight and never being with a man, I do have a recurring fantasy of being dominated and humiliated by other men.

My fantasy involves me sitting on a bench in front of my locker at the gym. This feminine gay guy approaches me and I can see out of the corner of my eye that he is naked. I keep my head down and tie my shoes as he stands right in front of me and starts asking me if I work out at the gym often and do I live in the area.

For some reason I pick my head up for a second and his cock is eye level with me. It is huge, soft, thick and uncut. I put my hed back down. I finish tieing my shoes, get up, and before I curse at him calling him a fucking faggot and walk out.

A couple of days later, late in the evening at the gym, he and a bunch of gay guys he knows jump me as I get out of the shower. They are all different types, muscular guys, feminine guys, young guys and much older men. Some have just come from working out and are all sweaty.

They force me to my knees in front of the guy I called a faggot and make me stare at his hard huge cock before forcing me to suck on it. As they force my head back and forth on his cock, I am embaressed because I start to feel my own cock get hard, I have my hands over it, out they pull them away and now everyone can see that my cock is fully hard. They all start laughing at me. The guy whose cock I am sucking pulls his cock from my mouth and says "who is the faggot now?" He wants me to say in front of everyone that I am a faggot. I hesitate and someone reaches down and squeezes my balls. I say it softly, he tells me to sceram out loud that I am a little faggot. I scream it out loud "I'm a little faggot!" my face is beet red and everyone laughs at me.

He then turns around and bends over and tells me to stick my tounge up his asshole. I cant believe he is going to ake me do that. He spreads his ass wide and I see his sweaty hole. Someone pushes my face in his sweaty ass and tells me to lick. I can feel him pushing his asshole against my tounge and he tells me to stick it inside as far up as I can. My tounge slides up his asshole and I taste his ass all over my tounge. Soon his asshole is loose and my entire tounge slides in and out. After a while he turns around and makes me suck his cock again, then he makes me ask him to please cum in my mouth. He shoots a huge lad over my tonge, filling my mouth. He tells me not to swallow, but to show everyone my full mouth. He them makes me swish it around my mouth before I swallow it.

He then proceeds to make me suck off every one, drink all their cum as well as ream out their assholes. They make me swllow their piss and then they fuck my ass until my asshole is gaping and dripping cum. Finally the original guy I cursed out has me on my back and is fucking my ass with my legs up in the air. He tells me he is going to prove to everyone I am gay by making me cum while he fucks me. As he pounds my ass one of the other guys strokes my cock. He makes me beg him to fuck me hard. He tells me to keep repeating out loud " I'm a faggot" as he fucks me hard and the other guy strokes me faster. He is making me scream it at the top of my lungs, I try to not cum, he pounds his huge cock in and out my ass, I am yelling "I am a faggot!" and as I yell it my cock explodes in huge squirts of cum as this other guy jerks me off. They are all laughing and shouting as I close my eyes and try to hide my face in shame.

The guy pulls out of my ass and says this is just the beging and that he is going to tun me into a gay slut and make me service many more guys both publicly and privately.

As I said, I have only been with women, but I have had that fantasy.

[Donnagurl]

gogo,

After reading your dark and cofusing fantasy, I was reminded of my own. Despite always being straight and never being with a man, I do have a recurring fantasy of being dominated and humiliated by other men.

My fantasy involves me sitting on a bench in front of my locker at the gym. This feminine gay guy approaches me and I can see out of the corner of my eye that he is naked. I keep my head down and tie my shoes as he stands right in front of me and starts asking me if I work out at the gym often and do I live in the area.

For some reason I pick my head up for a second and his cock is eye level with me. It is huge, soft, thick and uncut. I put my hed back down. I finish tieing my shoes, get up, and before I curse at him calling him a fucking faggot and walk out.

A couple of days later, late in the evening at the gym, he and a bunch of gay guys he knows jump me as I get out of the shower. They are all different types, muscular guys, feminine guys, young guys and much older men. Some have just come from working out and are all sweaty.

They force me to my knees in front of the guy I called a faggot and make me stare at his hard huge cock before forcing me to suck on it. As they force my head back and forth on his cock, I am embaressed because I start to feel my own cock get hard, I have my hands over it, out they pull them away and now everyone can see that my cock is fully hard. They all start laughing at me. The guy whose cock I am sucking pulls his cock from my mouth and says "who is the faggot now?" He wants me to say in front of everyone that I am a faggot. I hesitate and someone reaches down and squeezes my balls. I say it softly, he tells me to sceram out loud that I am a little faggot. I scream it out loud "I'm a little faggot!" my face is beet red and everyone laughs at me.

He then turns around and bends over and tells me to stick my tounge up his asshole. I cant believe he is going to ake me do that. He spreads his ass wide and I see his sweaty hole. Someone pushes my face in his sweaty ass and tells me to lick. I can feel him pushing his asshole against my tounge and he tells me to stick it inside as far up as I can. My tounge slides up his asshole and I taste his ass all over my tounge. Soon his asshole is loose and my entire tounge slides in and out. After a while he turns around and makes me suck his cock again, then he makes me ask him to please cum in my mouth. He shoots a huge lad over my tonge, filling my mouth. He tells me not to swallow, but to show everyone my full mouth. He them makes me swish it around my mouth before I swallow it.

He then proceeds to make me suck off every one, drink all their cum as well as ream out their assholes. They make me swllow their piss and then they fuck my ass until my asshole is gaping and dripping cum. Finally the original guy I cursed out has me on my back and is fucking my ass with my legs up in the air. He tells me he is going to prove to everyone I am gay by making me cum while he fucks me. As he pounds my ass one of the other guys strokes my cock. He makes me beg him to fuck me hard. He tells me to keep repeating out loud " I'm a faggot" as he fucks me hard and the other guy strokes me faster. He is making me scream it at the top of my lungs, I try to not cum, he pounds his huge cock in and out my ass, I am yelling "I am a faggot!" and as I yell it my cock explodes in huge squirts of cum as this other guy jerks me off. They are all laughing and shouting as I close my eyes and try to hide my face in shame.

The guy pulls out of my ass and says this is just the beging and that he is going to tun me into a gay slut and make me service many more guys both publicly and privately.

As I said, I have only been with women, but I have had that fantasy.

Gosh, Rob - I do that all the time, & love it!

[Ranai]

Bump. I thought this thread might be worth taking another look at.

Here someone who has not had a real rape experience has contributed an example of a rape fantasy.

Note the interesting comment by leo9:

I've come to the conclusion that they're just submissive.
They want to be dominated by someone, sex doesn't matter.

All male–female–straight–bi–gay questions aside:
Where would you say lie the differences in attitude towards a rape fantasy, between people who have survived a real trauma, and people who have not experienced such a crime in reality?
And those of you who are survivors and have rape fantasies, do you perceive similarities, differences? What do you think about gogo's post and the responses?