New Discussion: What's an internet sub for?

[Sir_Russell]

I very much agree with cariad on all counts. You started a good thread that will teach a lot to many new and old members. Don't feel that you have to answer every response but keep a hand in, and be proud of a good job.

Russell

[Warbaby1943]

Oh I totally agree with cariad and Sir_Russell. I see no reason to end the thread. I'm sure others have ideas and maybe they will eventually see and contribute to this. Nobody's opinion is wrong as long as they believe in what they are saying. Some here want threads with more substance in them then the fun and games and this sure qualifies as one of those types of threads.

[ceegee{Benz}]

I still want to know what this cyber sex thing is...............

[Warbaby1943]

I still want to know what this cyber sex thing is...............

If you're serious why not start a new thread and phrase your question so it may draw some interest.

[fantassy]

"No matter how much and long you've talked to somebody on-line. Finally meeting them IRL is like meeting a new person".

Perhaps this is where the disconnect is occuring in your understanding of online relationships. You are basing your judgments on the premise that the relationship will eventually become F2F (thanks Sir Russell). I really don't care if Brosco F2F were like a different person (which I don't concede) because I am having a relationship with online Brosco. And online Brosco fulfills my needs. He listens to my woes. He celebrates my triumphs with me. He lets me vent my frustrations. We debate, we tease, we pick each other's brains. He is there to greet me at the end of every day. We are able to complete let our emotional communications shield drop (perhaps because the nature of online in itself provides a kinds of shield), something which I have trouble doing F2F. As pointed out, much of sex is mental, so the mental connection and D/S which occurs during our sex play makes it a fantastic sexual experience. After a year of this online relationship, I can only say good things. It allowed our mental and emotional compatibility to be the centerpiece of the relationship rather than physical attraction. In F2F, issues would arise than might make us incompatible, but online they don't matter. Example: he smokes a lot - I'm allergic to smoke; he drinks more than I think is wise; my apartment is a pigsty - he likes an orderly place; I am a workaholic - he's semi-retired. The key to an online relationship is compatibility and you cannot discover you are truly compatible unless you are intellectually and emotionally honest with each other.

I guess to be completely honest in this post, I do have to mention one need online relationships cannot fulfill - and that is the need for human touch. The mere comfort we derive from being warm bare skin to skin cannot be acheived online. But hey, nothing in life is perfect.

fantassy

[cariad]

I really don't care if Brosco F2F were like a different person (which I don't concede) because I am having a relationship with online Brosco.

Wow - it is so obvious when you put it like that. A great post fantassy, and has certainly given me food for thought.

cariad

[Warbaby1943]

Perhaps this is where the disconnect is occuring in your understanding of online relationships. You are basing your judgments on the premise that the relationship will eventually become F2F (thanks Sir Russell). I really don't care if Brosco F2F were like a different person (which I don't concede) because I am having a relationship with online Brosco. And online Brosco fulfills my needs. He listens to my woes. He celebrates my triumphs with me. He lets me vent my frustrations. We debate, we tease, we pick each other's brains. He is there to greet me at the end of every day. We are able to complete let our emotional communications shield drop (perhaps because the nature of online in itself provides a kinds of shield), something which I have trouble doing F2F. As pointed out, much of sex is mental, so the mental connection and D/S which occurs during our sex play makes it a fantastic sexual experience. After a year of this online relationship, I can only say good things. It allowed our mental and emotional compatibility to be the centerpiece of the relationship rather than physical attraction. In F2F, issues would arise than might make us incompatible, but online they don't matter. Example: he smokes a lot - I'm allergic to smoke; he drinks more than I think is wise; my apartment is a pigsty - he likes an orderly place; I am a workaholic - he's semi-retired. The key to an online relationship is compatibility and you cannot discover you are truly compatible unless you are intellectually and emotionally honest with each other.

I guess to be completely honest in this post, I do have to mention one need online relationships cannot fulfill - and that is the need for human touch. The mere comfort we derive from being warm bare skin to skin cannot be acheived online. But hey, nothing in life is perfect.

fantassy

Thank you fantassy. So much of what you say I live.

[mkemse]

Maybe I am wrong, but is wouldseem to me the difference in a D/s relationship R/T vs. R/L is the difference between day and night, you can't compare the 2, they are 2 different thgings, one is fantasy the other reality

[Sir_Russell]

mkemse I agree partially and I think you actually found the point. They are both real but also very different. F2F also differs in 2 many ways, those that use it as sex play and those that live it.

I have found that F2F is not just my strong suit it is the only way for me to live and enjoy the life. In my old age I guess I am over just playing too.

Those that find what they need in any of these are to be congratulated each takes a certain amount of work to do well.

[fantassy]

they are 2 different thgings, one is fantasy the other reality

I agree they are different, but I disagree that o/l is fantasy and f2f is reality. I think the amount of fantasy v. reality in ANY relationship varies depending on the persons involved. Surely you have had friends whose perception of their f2f significant other was largely based on their fantasy of what they wanted the person to be or the fantasy the f2f person projected, whether intentionally or subconsciously. Moreover, it is wrong to assume that all online are merely roleplayers.

As to the D/S in particular, again what matters is the compatibility. Some subs need to be grabbed by the hair occasionally to feel submissive - online obviously wouldn't suit that sort of dom. Others get their pleasure from voluntarily giving up control - online is more likely to work.

Neither is better or worse, one just suits some people and the other suits other people.

fantassy

[Guest 91108]

fantassy , I like the thoughts and direction of both your posts.
This is how i think as well. Those who give a false sense of themselves are not going to have a very successful relationship in either role as they can't maintain it with consistency and eventually it will break. Many of us have seen just such situations.

[Warbaby1943]

Again different strokes for different folks and again the key seems to be honesty and compatibility. On line to me is no fantasy by the way. It works for us and that is all that matters, isn't it?

[Sir_Russell]

Warbaby again it is all real for those who truly live it.

Russell

[Aussiegirl1]

I too want to add that just because my relationship is online, this in no way means it is a fantasy! I do not role play or pretend, every thing I say or do is real. I can understand how someone who has never had an online relationship might think they are all play, but for many of us they are as real as any other relationship in our lives.

I agree too that it really does depend on how compatable you are with your partner and how well you cope without that physical presence of another during play. For me, it works, but I know others who just can't get their head around what it means.

Back to the original question, what an Internet sub if for? for me, it is the same as what any sub is for. My submission is real, my feelings are real, my time I put into the relationship is real. The difference lies in the way the relationship is run.

I know there are people who think online is only for games, and that is fine, but I hope through discussions like this one, everyone can get a bit more understanding of how real and fulfilling an online relationship can be.