Comments on beginning...

[T-Luv]

Inspired by finding the most beautiful, perfect girl in the world on the Internet a few days ago, I've gotten an idea for a story. The story is narrated by a professional Dom who ends up with a rather young "client". I'd love to hear some comments on the beginning. The Dom is the narrator:


Tiffany
by T-Luv

Chapter 1: History

Every so often, a girl comes along who is singularly special. A girl who is born just a bit different from all the others of her generation. One who, simply by being herself, captures the imagination of everyone with whom she comes in contact.

Tiffany was one of those girls. Tiffany was made for sex.

She was the most beautiful young girl I had ever seen. When I first saw her, I... well, I'll get to that later. For now, I'll just tell you what she looked like. Tiffany was a petite girl, standing a mere five feet tall, but she was built like a woman at age fifteen. Though her breasts were only B-cups, they looked large and full on her small frame. Her ass was to die for, as was the pair of perfectly formed legs that led up to it. 30B-20-31 measurements, if you want specifics. Tiffany was also a natural blonde, with fine, straight hair that came to her shoulder blades. She had bright blue eyes, cute dimples and a gorgeous smile. I wish you could see her. She was perfect.

And, like I said, she was made for sex. Born for it, actually. Everything about her screamed S-E-X. I suspect that every man she ever met wanted her the minute he saw her. And a lot of the women, too. Tiffany cheerfully and enthusiastically accomodated many of them. I think she knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't help it. She was just that way. And so, by the time her fifteenth birthday rolled around, Tiffany had had sex of one sort or another with eighty-three different people. Yeah, she kept track of the number, as well as a lot of the details of her encounters. That's why she was introduced to me. But... I'm getting ahead of myself. She told me how it all started, so I'll have to go back a few years to the beginning...


Thoughts? I know it isn't much, but I'm experimenting with a writing style that is different from my norm.

[Curtis]

For what it's worth, it looks good to me. I don't know what your normal style is, but this looks promising. I can kind of see it as a movie that the Dom is narrating for us -- which may not have been what you intended, but it's all good from here!

[T-Luv]

I usually use a third-person, narrative style. For this story, I'm attempting more of a first-person, conversational style. Because there are going to be some flashbacks (as indicated in this intro) to the time before the Dom met Tiffany, there will be some third-person narrative as well.

I'm in a bit of a dither as to how the Codes should be handled. Tiffany's first sexual experience takes place about a month before her 13th birthday, which would technically require the "Young" code. However, aside from that initial scene, everything after that (at least as far as what will be described in the story) takes place while she's 13 and older. So my problem is with the fact that putting the word "Young" in the story codes will likely cause a lot people to skip over the story, when in fact the "Young" scene is going to be very minor and brief, and only significant because it is the starting point. I know that I skip over "Young" stories, so I assume others will too. But this is really a "Teen" story.

[Curtis]

Now there's a different topic. Two of the stories I read yesterday were badly coded -- one so much so that it constituted false advertising (in my opinion), so I graded it down to a 4 when it probably would have deserved a 7.

I have a lot of sympathy for you. There's a story fragment I've shown to a few posters at the Forum and I've tried to code it but, like you, can't figure out just what matches.

This isn't the fault of the coding system. Although I prefer the system in use at A.S.S.R., this one is not bad and no more suceptible to honest error. The problem is that many stories resist pigeon-holing, like your example above. Many of my stories start out consensual, then gradually shade over into 'nc' -- sort of the reverse of the reluctant code.

So, what do we do? Probably exactly what you're doing -- asking for advice. If I ever get off my butt and transcribe the remainder of my fragment, I intend to show it privately to two or three people and ask them how they would code it before I post. If you don't get the answers that you want from this thread, you could try the same thing.

Good luck!