New Dom

[Yana]

Generally I am a rather passive person, but between me and the guy I am seeing who is really into BDSM, I am going to be the Dominant. but I am having trouble getting into the mindset and understanding and commanding the natural flow of a good bdsm session.

He has some fun toys- paddles, whips, straps, cuffs, four peice bondage set, etc- but I need to know how to manipulate these things to produce the desired results.

[MajesticFae]

I suggest you read through the knowledge base and ask any questions you might have to the experienced Doms on the forums., If you would like submissive input, I'd be glad to give you that, but I'm a female, and your submissive would be a male. Good luck in your search!

[anonymouse]

He has some fun toys- paddles, whips, straps, cuffs, four peice bondage set, etc- but I need to know how to manipulate these things to produce the desired results.

It's always a pleasure to see people new to the lifestyle take their first steps. You're sure to find lots of interesting ideas posted throughout the message boards here, and I encourage you to read through things with your partner. This way, you'll be able to jointly identify things you both might be willing to experiement with as well as the things one or other of you find disagreeable.

It's an important part of any relationship to have good communication with each other. This is especially true for BDSM relationships where some activities can spark emotional issues that don't necessarily arise in non-BDSM relationships. Good communication enables these situations to be resolved when they occur, and even prevent them from happening in the first place.

Having said all that, you've mentioned your partner already has an assortment of fun toys. A good place for you both to start is perhaps simply talk with each other and 'play around' with things. If you talk while you play, you'll each find confidence develops. When I first started, I wanted to be the Mistress in my relationship, even though I am by nature, submissive. (I was attracted to all the wonderful Dominatrix costumes I had seen worn to the club ) I even thought the whole dominance and submission thing was rather silly at first and consequently laughed a lot until my confidence grew.

You may find yourself in similar situations initially. You and your partner might try things that feel completely unnatural or downright silly. Don't be afraid to laugh at these times - together, with each other. Given time, you'll each discover a whole world of kinky fun that will deepen your relationship in ways you'll not have thought possible.

I'll leave it to somebody else to expand on this, but there are a few 'safe practices' you should be aware of. Be sure you both become acquainted with some of the basics of bondage and whipping/flogging, for example, before engaging too heavily in these activities.

Have fun and good luck!

anonymouse

[Rhabbi]

Hello Yana,

Always nice to meet a new person. Like those above my suggestion is to take your time, experiment, and communicate. Try different things, and see if you like them. trust your instincts. And, above all, talk about everything. You need to know how your partner feels about things, and he needs to know how you feel about them.

[Benz{ceegee}]

Hello Yana

Its always good meeting people who are new to the lifestyle. I have had a passion for my way of life for over 20 years.

My speciality is in most cases is differant to most because Myself and my slave are to the extreme. I am a Sadist and my girl is very masocist.

Mindset is the most important part of who we are..its quite simple if your mindset is not there sometimes its just best to sit and talk. Entering into play without your mind where it needs to be is dangerous. (same applies for my girl).

We do not use safe words because I am a stickler for knowing everything about who I use my talents on. ask my girl ceegee...smiles...Trust is always my first issue. ceegee trusts Me with her life without question. I know my stuff, I know my girl. Being new I would suggest you chose a safe word/movement and always use something simple like NO or maybe even a finger or hand movement...However if you watch your submissive they will show signs of discomfort. Also start slow you dont have to find out how far you can go the first session.

Learn the body language how your slave/sub breathes, facial movements, know what makes them tick and dont leave anything out.

I have been with my girl for over 3yrs. I watched her every movement for over 2 yrs before I even entered into any play. I asked her questions beyond her belief laffs...maybe even drove her nuts at times as her need was to please and she so badly wanted to experience everything I had to offer.

Lead by example and remember this :

Love when you lead...

Comfort when you are pleased.

Always after you have punished your submissive reassure them that you care..explain in detail why so they understand fully..smiles..

Before care is crucial and aftercare is essential.....Master those the rest will come in time.

If you have any further questions you are welcome to message Me.