Help with a new Slave

[NiceMaster]

I have a new slave who is good with self-bondage.

Once I came back to find her tied up and fainted with an 9 inch dildo in her (She can only take 7).

I took her to hospital and she is recovering.

The question is how do I make sure she will not get such "crazy" ideas again.

Please help me if anybody ever faced such a similar problem.
Note that I want "her" to have a feeling for her safety.

Thank you all.

[Ruby]

This might sound harsh, however, as your slave she is your property.
It's her job to take excellent care of your property - herself included.

If she can't find enough value in herself to play safely, then you must put that value on her.

She is a precious gift, a woman to experience hot nights of passion, love and warmth and she sure as heck can't do that if she's hurt herself.

Perhaps a not so gentle reminder that for her to remain with you is that she must take care of her mind, body and spirit and leave you to take care of her sensual needs. (Or she can do self bondage under certain circumanstances, with your permission, safely, etc.)

She might need some hard rules and punishments to understand that you are serious and that this type of behavior cannot continue.

Either way, a good deep conversation is needed. Communication is key.
You might explore what she was seeking that drove her to such a dangerous self experiment and be honest about how it made you feel to find her in such a predicament. She might have thought she could take that big of a toy
or wanted to be rescued. Deep down, she could have been testing you.

Some suggested rules of communication for these and other dicey situations:
1. Ask a question and listen to the answer.
2. Repeat back the answer to make sure you understand what she said.
3. Use I statements...when you do this, I feel like or I think "whatever".
4. Forgive
5. Ask yourselves what did we learn from this and move on.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Ranai]

I would just like to make the fleeting observation here that the opening comment in Ruby's post 'as your slave she is your property' made me think: Huh?

Then I looked a the threads...
Submissive vs. slave
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1643
and
a question for the submissives/slaves
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=467

Different D/s practicioners have different definitions of 'slavery'. But I must admit that although I see that some people are willing to take this huge burden of responsibility and micromanagement upon them, and agree to accept someone as their 'slave', I still find myself unable to grasp the concept of 'property' in a context where slavery is not legally binding. But nevermind nevermind nevermind, that's hairsplitting. A problem of 'same term for different concepts'. Back to the problem at hand.

Perhaps since you, NiceMaster, mention 'Note that I want "her" to have a feeling for her safety' she is, by her actions, demanding more than you bargained for? You only have the responsibility you agreed to take. Did you actually, specifically, agree to become responsible for her not harming herself? And is this not demanding a bit much? Sure, you can use rules and punishments and methods of control, and do your best to convey a sense of value and make her feel cherished in your life. You can, as Ruby says, make it clear that 'this type of behavior cannot continue'. But if she did it again, would it be your fault? I don't think so. You are only human.

If she actually staged this specifically to be found and rescued by you, it seems rather unfair, perhaps even a bit manipulative. But if you deal with the problem, like Ruby I believe you can forgive and move on.

You probably need to find out which factors constituted the reasons for this incident: Something directed towards you? Something directed towards herself? And skill: how 'good with self-bondage' is she really?

Please note that I have never faced such a problem, so my comments are pure conjecture. Best wishes to both of you.

[Ruby]

Ranai made some excellent points. I jumped in without asking you more questions. Please forgive me if my other post was too harsh.

Rant alert: Grrrr!
Dangerous play - with yourself or others is one of my pet peeves and I tend to go off the deep end when I hear that someone has been harmed by their over enthusiasm. Couple that with a friend lost to suicide, and another friend who works in the court system - who is constantly telling true tales of people who had died while having too much unsafe fun leaving family members to pick up the pieces and well, what can I say, its a pet peeve.
:blabla: :soapbox: nt:

Back to your question...more information would certainly help others give you better advice. I'm sure that other masters or submissive must have dealt with a similar problem. So:

How long have you been with this slave?

Is she really your slave in the contract sense - 24/7, did you just happen to use that word, or is she your playmate sub or sometimes bottom?

Has this type of thing happened before?

Where was this 9 inch monster - mouth, vagina, anus?
(You said she fainted, so I assumed mouth.)

Is she your first slave?

One of many?

Whatever else you a willing to share?

Best wishes through this difficult situation, Ruby

[NiceMaster]

This might sound harsh, however, as your slave she is your property.
It's her job to take excellent care of your property - herself included.

If she can't find enough value in herself to play safely, then you must put that value on her.

She is a precious gift, a woman to experience hot nights of passion, love and warmth and she sure as heck can't do that if she's hurt herself.

Perhaps a not so gentle reminder that for her to remain with you is that she must take care of her mind, body and spirit and leave you to take care of her sensual needs. (Or she can do self bondage under certain circumanstances, with your permission, safely, etc.)

She might need some hard rules and punishments to understand that you are serious and that this type of behavior cannot continue.

Either way, a good deep conversation is needed. Communication is key.
You might explore what she was seeking that drove her to such a dangerous self experiment and be honest about how it made you feel to find her in such a predicament. She might have thought she could take that big of a toy
or wanted to be rescued. Deep down, she could have been testing you.

Some suggested rules of communication for these and other dicey situations:
1. Ask a question and listen to the answer.
2. Repeat back the answer to make sure you understand what she said.
3. Use I statements...when you do this, I feel like or I think "whatever".
4. Forgive
5. Ask yourselves what did we learn from this and move on.

Good luck and best wishes.

I already gave her a hard talk (too hard on her I think as I am usually nice).
I told her that she should not do any crazy things ever again for any reason or for anybody (including me).

I am planning to give her a weekend of teasing without allowing her to cum as a punishment.

I have written her a set of rules to follow in her self bondage.

I am not angry with her I am just worried about her safety.

Thank you for your reply it's very helpful.

[NiceMaster]

Ranai made some excellent points. I jumped in without asking you more questions. Please forgive me if my other post was too harsh.

Rant alert: Grrrr!
Dangerous play - with yourself or others is one of my pet peeves and I tend to go off the deep end when I hear that someone has been harmed by their over enthusiasm. Couple that with a friend lost to suicide, and another friend who works in the court system - who is constantly telling true tales of people who had died while having too much unsafe fun leaving family members to pick up the pieces and well, what can I say, its a pet peeve.
:blabla: :soapbox: nt:

Back to your question...more information would certainly help others give you better advice. I'm sure that other masters or submissive must have dealt with a similar problem. So:

How long have you been with this slave?

Is she really your slave in the contract sense - 24/7, did you just happen to use that word, or is she your playmate sub or sometimes bottom?

Has this type of thing happened before?

Where was this 9 inch monster - mouth, vagina, anus?
(You said she fainted, so I assumed mouth.)

Is she your first slave?

One of many?

Whatever else you a willing to share?

Best wishes through this difficult situation, Ruby

I have been with her for about 2 months now.
Yes she is my real 24/7 Slave (we even wrote a contract for that with rules)
She never did such a thing before.
No it was in her Vagina (which frightens me as she was gaged)
No she is not my first slave I have 2 "older" slaves.
Older means that I owned them before her.

Any other questions ?

[slavelucy]

Any other questions ?

Yes, i have one, if i may jump in; why did she do it?

Did you ask her? And if so, what was her response? i believe the answers to these may lead to the solution.

sl

[NiceMaster]

Yes, i have one, if i may jump in; why did she do it?

Did you ask her? And if so, what was her response? i believe the answers to these may lead to the solution.

sl

I have asked her. She wanted to impress me as she couldn't do as much as the other full time slave.

She thought that she was not good enough.

I talked to her and asked her not to try this again.

She promised she will not and apologized for it. She actually took the dildo from the ones I use for my other slave.

Thank you all for supporting me.

[Mobius]

Question:
If the dildo was to large and she tried to insert it to far. It would have hit the cirvex and that should have stopped her i would think?

Or did she have a latex toxic reaction. Is she alergic to latex?

Sorry if it is getting to graphic and with all due respect.

If it is spelled out hopefully others will be helped to avoid this mishap

Hope she is well
Mobius

[slavelucy]

I have asked her. She wanted to impress me as she couldn't do as much as the other full time slave.

She thought that she was not good enough.

I talked to her and asked her not to try this again.

She promised she will not and apologized for it. She actually took the dildo from the ones I use for my other slave.

Thank you all for supporting me.

Ah, i see, i understand now. Yeah, subs desire to please can potentially run the risk of something like this occuring...particularly if there's any element of competition with other subs/slaves. i'm not saying there IS any competition, of course, but in her mind there may be. Submissives are submissives but they're still human (and women, in this case!).

All i could suggest is making sure she feels special in her own right, in her own submission and stuff that she does that makes her special..regardless of whether she takes 7 or 9 inches of dildo. i know this sounds very obvious and i'm sure you already do this, but from what you say it sounds likely that it's that which led to it.

Hope it works out and that you can both put the ordeal behind you and carry on forging a healthy Ds relationship.

sl

[Mobius]

Ah, i see, i understand now. Yeah, subs desire to please can potentially run the risk of something like this occuring...particularly if there's any element of competition with other subs/slaves. i'm not saying there IS any competition, of course, but in her mind there may be. Submissives are submissives but they're still human (and women, in this case!).

All i could suggest is making sure she feels special in her own right, in her own submission and stuff that she does that makes her special..regardless of whether she takes 7 or 9 inches of dildo. i know this sounds very obvious and i'm sure you already do this, but from what you say it sounds likely that it's that which led to it.

Hope it works out and that you can both put the ordeal behind you and carry on forging a healthy Ds relationship.

sl

Are you saying that she had reverse dildo envy.

[Ruby]

We can all learn a lesson from your slave's mishap.

Now about that punishment - I hope she's tough...a weekend of teasing without cumming...yikes.

*** I'd be so ready to hurt you. LOL About 30 minutes is all I can handle.

Naughty Mobius - Reverse Dildo Envy - Very funny

[slavelucy]

Are you saying that she had reverse dildo envy.

Very droll, Moby

Although, no, i meant some form of submissive jealousy or need to please someone more than another person.

sl

[Ranai]

NiceMaster, I am glad you found the cause of this frightening symptom. Feelings of not being good enough or rivalry are problems, but they are more tangible problems than totally mystifying actions.

Good luck to you & your slaves!
I hope you can all sort it out and move on to more relaxed and happier times.

[NiceMaster]

Thank you all for your support.
I hade a long long talk with her which has positive results
She will take some time to recover ,but she will recover well.

As for future she will never try anything that may cause her damage or pain that she can't take.

Thank you all again and for everybody who helped me.

(I may reconsider the punishment as someone said it's too hard !)