BDSM Titles Chamber of Oddities

[Ranai]

As one of the members of this forum whose native language is something else than English, I would like to beg your indulgence, and describe a few of the things that occur in my addled brain when I read BDSM topics or BDSM fiction.

Also, I would like to explain why, deplorably enough, I have no title. Neither online nor when I speak in German with my partner.

English Titles

Mistress
The first definition of 'mistress' I learned in school was, unfortunately, 'woman with whom someone has an extra-marital relationship'. It somehow stuck. Later I discovered schoolmistresses, Mistress as a Scottish form of address, Mistress Overdone and Mistress Quickly, and even those who interact with submissives. But I was never able to get over the initial 'He dashed over to Paris to see his mistress' definition, so not wanting to imagine myself some sort of appendage, no Mistress for me.

Lady
I think the only Lady I heard about for a long, long time was Lady Diana. Not my great role model. Sorry, never could aspire to this title.

Master
The first books in English I endeavoured to read were children's books. In 19th century stories, you find domestic servants who address certain characters as 'Master Colin' or 'Master Edward'. These characters are boys, not men. Then I got totally swamped with 'Master Frodo' in the heroic effort of reading The Lord of the Rings in the original language. Today, having consumed a considerable amount of gay male erotica, I have been able to somewhat grasp the thought of Master = grown man. But it took me a while.

Lord
Here too, The Lord of the Rings played havoc with my brain for a while. Lord Denethor and the Dark Lord and whoever. It became sort of a fantasy title in my perception. Until I started reading Dorothy L. Sayers' Lord Peter Wimsey detective stories.

Slave
This English word has had an erotic connotation for me from the very beginning. But that's just my kinky disposition. I read Rosemary Sutcliff's The Eagle of the Ninth in English as a kid, and Marcus & Esca became my archetypical owner - slave pair. Damn, why did he have to grant him manumission so early in the story?!

Let's take a brief look at German now...

Meister
A number of BDSM people seem to be fond of this title, as the equivalent of 'Master'. In everyday speech, it refers to a master craftsman. While a master - apprentice relationship is certainly a hierarchical one, I have never been able to read a lot of eroticism into this title.

Herrin
You can find this 'Lady' or 'Mistress' in romance tales about the Middle Ages, and in the BDSM playroom. In everyday speech, it is not used at all. 'Herr' is the usual form of address for a man, -in is a female suffix. Due to this unfortunate linguistic circumstance, if I called myself 'Herrin', I would feel like assuming a position of authority pretending to be a man.

Sklave
Alas alas. I spent too much of my wasted youth reading Goscinny & Uderzo's Asterix comics. They are full of male slaves. I was always ogling those who happened to be wearing wrist or ankle shackles. But if I tried to call my partner 'Sklave', even in role play, I would fall apart laughing. Invariably, I would be transported back to the Gallia and Roma of 50 BC, where deserving legionaries get slugged.

What's a pair to do?
We call each other by our names. Sometimes, we say 'Geliebter' and 'Geliebte'. It means 'beloved'. And if someone asks me with a passionate expression if I would tell him what my wishes are, he does not need to use a title.


What's in your Chamber of Oddities?

[Nightstriker]

I just say do what feels right to you. If a title feels right, then use one if one dose not then don't.

[Ranai]

I just say do what feels right to you. If a title feels right, then use one if one dose not then don't.

Yes, I would say the same.

Actually, the 'Yikes, I can't decide on a title' part is just a bit of satire thrown in to make the text more amusing to read.

I would like to convey a little of how peculiar some of these titles sound to someone who did not grow up with English as a native language. And as I remember where I first encountered some of those words, I added that info. It's a strange phenomenon: with many words acquired in a foreign language, first impressions are lasting.

The German titles are included to show that the BDSM jargon in my own language sounds pretty artificial to me. In fact, I can't take the German terms seriously in the least.

My question:
It would interest me if some of you remember how a particular term sounded to you when you first came across it in a BDSM context. Do you remember thinking: 'How odd. This reminds me of...' ?

[robbermagnet]

My question:
It would interest me if some of you remember how a particular term sounded to you when you first came across it in a BDSM context. Do you remember thinking: 'How odd. This reminds me of...' ?

Now and then I come across a story in which a male dominant claims his female submissive's body parts as his own. It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

--Robbermagnet

[Nightstriker]

Now and then I come across a story in which a male dominant claims his female submissive's body parts as his own. It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

--Robbermagnet

That one has alwayse made me shudder and the mental image is just something that I really don't want.

[craftygirl]

What's a pair to do?
We call each other by our names. Sometimes, we say 'Geliebter' and 'Geliebte'. It means 'beloved'. And if someone asks me with a passionate expression if I would tell him what my wishes are, he does not need to use a title.

What's in your Chamber of Oddities?

Well, the last full time partner I was with is from South America originally, and I always called him Papi -- which means Daddy. He called me chickpea -- still does, actually, as we're still friends. That sort of came from "cute chick" and "sweet pea" -- which is a nickname my grandmother gave me when I was a wee thing.

I was at a local event yesterday, and most of the women there were either "Miss X" or "Mistress Y" -- only one "Lady". But it was funny, to me, to be in the middle of a crowd of "titles" and crossdressers/tg girls (who all of course had two names -- their male name, and their female name) and be the only person who was .......... just ......... Shannon.

*grin*

[Ranai]

It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

Pffffhhhh, oh help, that is so strange.

And here I was believing I had something to complain about when I read about a gay man fucking someone's 'boy pussy'. That's the sort of jargon that makes me click out of a story in a flash. I just don't get the appeal of the whole gender-crossing vocabulary thing. It must be appealing for some people.

[Ranai]

I was at a local event yesterday, and most of the women there were either "Miss X" or "Mistress Y" -- only one "Lady". But it was funny, to me, to be in the middle of a crowd of "titles" and crossdressers/tg girls (who all of course had two names -- their male name, and their female name) and be the only person who was .......... just ......... Shannon.

*grin*

Thank you for telling us about your experience!

I have not visited any BDSM events so far... Maybe some day, maybe not. Somehow I doubt that I am ready for it yet. Perhaps, to avoid stepping on the toes of the aristocracy, I would have to practise keeping a straight face. :straight:

[Dngnkeeper]

For me the use of titles seems to be one of those online customs that cought traction in the real life arena. Prior to the internet about the only times I heard people refer to themselves with Mistress or Master in front of their name was if they were Pro Dommes or Pro Doms.

Also In the last few years I have seen, at munches and events, people switching from their internet "handle" to their real names. And lately they have been omitting Master, Mistress and slave etc..

HHHHMMMM....... everything old is new again?

[Ranai]

For me the use of titles seems to be one of those online customs that cought traction in the real life arena. Prior to the internet about the only times I heard people refer to themselves with Mistress or Master in front of their name was if they were Pro Dommes or Pro Doms.

You know, you have really surprised me here. Thanks. Somehow I have been under the impression that the custom of using titles in gatherings of non-professionals preceded the internet age...

I don't remember seeing advertisements from Pro Doms, but Pro Dommes (Dominas) here often use stage names such as Lady X, or even Gräfin (=Countess) X. Born with a silver flogger in their hand? Well, perhaps because it sounds exotic and mysterious. Or opens the imagination for role play...

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Somehow I have been under the impression that the custom of using titles in gatherings of non-professionals preceded the internet age...

The practice of calling oneself Master this or Lord that didn't really take a foothold in BDSM until after AOL chat rooms became popular in the 1990s. Before then, most BDSM meetings were in real life and everyone just went by their names. Or at the least, if a person didn't want their identity revealed in a BDSM society, that person would wear a mask and use an alias.

[Ranai]

Hmmm. Interesting.
I suppose titles can be convenient in a chatroom environment as an easy-to-recognise signal of a role one wants to take?

I have read about people using the freedom of the internet to appear sometimes as this, sometimes as that gender (and I would not see a problem in it, as long as everyone knows that what is going on is role play).

A question out of curiosity from someone without chatroom experience: How do switches identify themselves, if at all? Or do you just use neutral names? Or has someone perhaps recognised some individuals with the same mannerisms, who sometimes turned up as Sir [insert fancy name], and sometimes as slave [insert other fancy name]?

And how about real life BDSM meetings. Do switches simply use their names?

[LBoolean]

it is nice to know that someone else has these thoughts.
Personally I am having quite a time imagining myself using certain terms... Master for example sounds a bit like "Riff Raff" from Rocky Horror... and I look nothing like Tim Curry in drag (not that I've dressed in drag to compare, this is an educated guess)...

What bugged me in the beginning (as a dom) was calling my sub things like "Slut" etc. You get used to it when you see the grand reaction though...

I suppose in German you could try: " Mein Gebieter" ....

anyhow, as long as you got the rest right I guess you could call each other whatever you feel comfortable with...

L

[Ranai]

it is nice to know that someone else has these thoughts.

Same here.

Master for example sounds a bit like "Riff Raff" from Rocky Horror...

Riff Raff – pretty high ranking on a scale of fatally ludicrous associations! Not the sub of everyone's dreams for sure. Doesn't this balding minion even get whipped at some point for commiting some mistake or other?

'Gebieter' , or in my case 'Gebieterin' – hmmmm yes, not bad. Formal, removed from everyday speech, but not totally pompous. Refers directly to command and authority. And... nope, no ridiculous connotation, at least not for me. Will wonders never cease.

What bugged me in the beginning (as a dom) was calling my sub things like "Slut" etc. You get used to it when you see the grand reaction though...

Good that it works well for you! Personally I am not a real fan of verbal humiliation, and I doubt that I will ever be. I do however like the idea of respectful speech towards the dominant very much. As long as the respectful address does not get totally sabotaged by odd associations...

Come to think of it, if verbal humiliation is the technique of symbolically pushing down the submissive, how do we call the technique of symbolically pushing up the dominant by means of titles and such? Verbal elevation?

[craftygirl]

Hmmm. Interesting.
I suppose titles can be convenient in a chatroom environment as an easy-to-recognise signal of a role one wants to take?

I have read about people using the freedom of the internet to appear sometimes as this, sometimes as that gender (and I would not see a problem in it, as long as everyone knows that what is going on is role play).

A question out of curiosity from someone without chatroom experience: How do switches identify themselves, if at all? Or do you just use neutral names? Or has someone perhaps recognised some individuals with the same mannerisms, who sometimes turned up as Sir [insert fancy name], and sometimes as slave [insert other fancy name]?

And how about real life BDSM meetings. Do switches simply use their names?

Weeeeeeelllllllllllllllllll.............

I'm not entirely sure of the protocol on this one but seeing as how I am rarely comfortable taking any sort of role in a chatroom other than 'person there to talk to other people', I tend to use the nickname I've been using since my mom gave it to me when I was 18 or 19: craftygirl. I dunno it if sounds sort of subbie or not (girl and all) but it just suits me.

RL events.... I couldn't keep a straight face calling myself Lady Shannon or Mistress Shannon or subbie shannon so I just stick to my first name, Shannon. There is one switch that I know of in a local group who uses Lady and her first name ......

That being said, I also tend to be very fluid in my interactions with people and am very much a go-with-the-flow person, so I feel like any title limits me somewhat in people's expectations of how I will act. And role play is just not my thing. *shrug* So Shannon it is. :-)

Edit to add this: when I am playing with someone, I address him as Sir if I'm on bottom ... he calls me whatever he wants of course......one of my friends calls me, simply, "girl." I actually like that quite a bit. If I'm topping, then I have him (different guy) call me Ma'am but sometimes one boy I know throws in Mistress, and that is OK by me too. But the Sir Ma'am thing also hearkens back to my conversative religious and Southern upbringing, so it's comfortable and familiar.

[LBoolean]

Same here.


Riff Raff – pretty high ranking on a scale of fatally ludicrous associations! Not the sub of everyone's dreams for sure. Doesn't this balding minion even get whipped at some point for committing some mistake or other?

true, he gets whipped for letting rocky loose... OK, so I am a bit more than averagely acquainted with the Rocky Horror... but I agree, Riff raff as a sub would be quite horrid.

"Gebieterin".... glad to help with one or the other wonder.

actually verbal humiliation does not work THAT well for me... but it does excite the poo out of my subby... whereas we are still working on her calling me something other than my name and or god...
master, sir and other names have fallen a bit short of sounding serious... so I'm still on the lookout. With that said, much like yourself, I am really fond of respectful speech towards the D.... which constantly provides my sub with reasons for discipline as she tends to forget this.

"Verbal elevation"... congrats R, I think you have just coined a phrase!
I like it, as long as the verbal elevation does not become patronising.

In the long and the short of things, call me Mrs. Mabusa for all I care, as long as the respect is evident in what is said and done I am one happy dom.

Rgds
LB