physiology of a switch

[Zelezniy]

This is a curious matter that has been occupying my thoughts lately. What do you think your role says about you? From my point of view switches are givers and takers. Sub's are givers and Dom's are takers. That's a lame way of looking at things I know. Lets hear your opinion.

[her_Joe]

I don't think it's "lame" at all, but I do think it's overly simplistic.

Can you give us some idea of your background and experience and why you are interested in this approach?

Yes, there are times as a dominant when I am a user ... but there are many times too when I "give" -- for example, in after care.

Can you explain, a bit?

her_Joe

[Zelezniy]

Yes indeed, simple. I don't have a broad experience in BDSM. I am curious because no one has looked at roles from this angle. At list not from what I've read or heard. That's why I'm looking for opinion from others. No one likes stereotypes, but this what roles are, basically. I'm a switch because both ideas are turn on for me but I know I can not be completely balanced and at some point one side will take over. Like I said I have very little experience.

[redEva]

There is lots of things I could and would like to discuss, but to remain on this topic, I can not agree with the statement, not even as in a “simplistic point of view”, because, regardless of which role I take, I know I'm giving and taking in both. Actually, to be even more precise, my feeling is that I am getting/taking more in my submissive role than when I am Toping.

While I might be in “control” when in Dominant role, realistically I am just an instrument in playing out the negotiated on fantasy of my partner. I am the one responsible for EVERYTHING, for his/her pleasure, and pleasure in pain or humiliation or what ever the scene might be. It is my responsibility that all goes well, that all is safe. Should I give into my darkest fantasies and desires … it might not go all that well for sub, and that is something I can not afford.

On the other hand, submitting to someone is my joy. In my submission is my release; freedom of responsibility, freedom of making decisions and owning up for them. When I submit, I give You my total trust and free rains to do what You wish and what I crave for. In this power exchange, sub is the one getting it all IMO.

The line we walk here, in this subtle game of power exchange, is very thin and not all that easy to define.

Thank you for bringing this one up, it is in discussions like this that WE as a community can show occasional by-passers, lurkers and all those curious people out there just how seriously intricate the BDSM world is. Yes, sure there is leather, latex, chains and pain … but it is not about pain and hurt. It is about trust, release and love… eh.. here I go off the tangent.

BTW… welcome Zelezniy

[Ruby]

Good points, Redeva.

In Domme role, I'm a taker and a giver.
In my pet role, I'm a giver and receiver.
As a switch, I enjoy both roles.

Taking, giving or receiving pleasure all work for me.

Zelezniy, there was a brief discussion about this awhile back. I'm glad you've brought it up again as I think it deserves it's own thread.

I don't think it's a matter of doing one thing or another 24/7, I think it's about what fits for the moment and the role a person is currently playing.

Who's next?

[Zelezniy]

There is lots of things I could and would like to discuss, but to remain on this topic, I can not agree with the statement, not even as in a “simplistic point of view”, because, regardless of which role I take, I know I'm giving and taking in both. Actually, to be even more precise, my feeling is that I am getting/taking more in my submissive role than when I am Toping.

While I might be in “control” when in Dominant role, realistically I am just an instrument in playing out the negotiated on fantasy of my partner. I am the one responsible for EVERYTHING, for his/her pleasure, and pleasure in pain or humiliation or what ever the scene might be. It is my responsibility that all goes well, that all is safe. Should I give into my darkest fantasies and desires … it might not go all that well for sub, and that is something I can not afford.

On the other hand, submitting to someone is my joy. In my submission is my release; freedom of responsibility, freedom of making decisions and owning up for them. When I submit, I give You my total trust and free rains to do what You wish and what I crave for. In this power exchange, sub is the one getting it all IMO.

The line we walk here, in this subtle game of power exchange, is very thin and not all that easy to define.

A very interesting point of view I had not considered. Very logical at that. What I am interested is human nature and BDSM role. For example my ex had a husband who was dacryphiliaiac. It did not matter to him what was the cause, suffering was exiting to him. In that extreme case he was the taker and she was the unwilling giver.

Thank you for bringing this one up, it is in discussions like this that WE as a community can show occasional by-passers, lurkers and all those curious people out there just how seriously intricate the BDSM world is. Yes, sure there is leather, latex, chains and pain … but it is not about pain and hurt. It is about trust, release and love… eh.. here I go off the tangent.

BTW… welcome Zelezniy

There I go, dissecting perfectly good post
Oh I agree whole heartily, I don't think there is more joy then have a partner that knows everything about you and can satisfy all your desires.

and thanks for the welcome

[Bald_J_and_F]

We tried switching for each other when we discovered the lifestyle. It didn't work at all. We were both pathetic as Dommes. It just isn't our nature. But we love serving together and find strength in that.

[Kaori-san]

As a sub I give a lot to a Dom in service and care. However a Dom also gives to me.. by caring for me and making sure I am happy as well... as I do.

I think it is a bit of both. A Dom and sub will give something to a relationship really.. both their own unique type of input.... not the same kind of giving.. but both give something

[craftygirl]

I tend to agree with Ruby and RedEva. There is give and take in each role for me, but the medium is different. Ultimately it still comes down to sharing things we both enjoy, and in that there's give and take from both sides.

[hislittlebrattysub]

I've never Dommed anyone, I am only a sub. I find that the best part of subbing is the giving, and ironically that is what I crave. The giving is completely unselfish gratification of my partner, but at the same time it is so selfish because I have never been more turned on or had better sex then when I am sub to my husbands Dom. So it is a balance and one that can be confusing at times. I am new to this, but I am beginning to truly embrace my submission. It is complicated and IMHO I don't think that the oversimplification of the experience helps the 'nila world understand, nor do I think it helpful for people new to the scene. Domination and submission are unique to the people who experience them, and are both completely selfless and selfish at the same time. Which I think is part of the attraction for me.

[Ruby]

Domination and submission ... are both completely selfless and selfish at the same time.

This is a clever gem of a statement. It sums up the paradox of the experience and or relationship between the participants rather nicely.

While I don't believe it's true for every instance of d/s, I think it is true for a good many scenes and moments.