slaves& mistresses

[lili]

Do all mistresses were slaves before being mistresses?
And can a mistress be a slave even for a short time and vice versa?

[John56{vg}]

Hon,

I think there is no easy answer to this. As a (male) dom, I have never been a submissive. I don't think I could.

BUt I know mistresses that have never been subs either. And I know some that started as subs and then became a mistress later. And then there are switches, which are sometimes subs and sometimes dommes.

Welcome to the forums byt he way and keep asking questions I love that you want to know so much.

Hopefully when it is not so late others will come on and give you the benefit of their knowledge.

Good luck with your search for info. You are a welcome addition to our community. :-)

John

[Euryleia]

Not all Mistresses begin on the bottom. Some are natural Tops, some realize over time that they prefer power over, some take control to please their partners. There are even some that Mistresses to slaves while being a slave to their Mistress/Master.

I'm a switch myself and I think anyone can be a sub occassionally without ruining their street cred. It is what turns you on, after all.

[Hime]

I'm a switch myself and I think anyone can be a sub occassionally without ruining their street cred. It is what turns you on, after all.

For real. You don't need to worry about having "cred" as a Mistress, you just need to know what you're doing and take good care of your partner. Whether or not you have experience as a submissive is not important.

[Rhabbi]

Personally, I think a little experience as a sub would help a Dom/me or a Master/Mistress emphasize with the sub/slave, but this is only my opinion. It is not a hard and fast rule, though the thought is out there that we make the best Dom/mes if we have been a sub.

[gagged_Louise]

For real. You don't need to worry about having "cred" as a Mistress, you just need to know what you're doing and take good care of your partner. Whether or not you have experience as a submissive is not important.

I think Euryleia was being a bit ironic there in talking of "your street cred", Hime. Cred in that sense is the last thing that matters between Mistress and slave. But many Mistresses do have that background, and having been in a close online sub relation to Liz I'd agree with Rhabbi it helped a lot to my confidence in her that she was often an "in the flesh" sub herself to her boyfriend, and has many years of hands-on experience of subbing. It assured me that Liz knew what she was talking of and though she was imaginative, she would not invent tasks and things out of thin air just because they seemed fat, disregarding if they were possible and sane.

Liz returned to the forum this week. We're still close friends but both my online D/s relation to her and her own subbie/switch relation to her (ex-)bf have ended.

[Hime]

I think Euryleia was being a bit ironic there in talking of "your street cred", Hime. Cred in that sense is the last thing that matters between Mistress and slave. But many Mistresses do have that background, and having been in a close online sub relation to Liz I'd agree with Rhabbi it helped a lot to my confidence in her that she was often an "in the flesh" sub herself to her boyfriend, and has many years of hands-on experience of subbing. It assured me that Liz knew what she was talking of and though she was imaginative, she would not invent tasks and things out of thin air just because they seemed fat, disregarding if they were possible and sane.

Liz returned to the forum this week. We're still close friends but both my online D/s relation to her and her own subbie/switch relation to her (ex-)bf have ended.

That's awesome. I'm glad that you found such a great Mistress.

I just get prickly about expectations being put on us women that aren't on men. If anything, I've heard people say that having a submissive side makes a guy less respectable as a Dom, so it seems unfair to say that a Domme has to have sub experience.

[Logic1]

did this turn into a men versus women thread suddenly lol?

[gagged_Louise]

Actually DungeonMaster told me that he began as a male submissive, finding a very good Domme (that was long before the internet) and it was only after years of serving her that he himself began exploring his Dom side. Now he's firmly Dominant of course. But I'd agree, there is no absolute need for a Domme to have been a sub.

[Flaming_Redhead]

did this turn into a men versus women thread suddenly lol?

That's what I was wondering, also!

I just get prickly about expectations being put on us women that aren't on men. If anything, I've heard people say that having a submissive side makes a guy less respectable as a Dom, so it seems unfair to say that a Domme has to have sub experience.

I've never heard anyone say that a Dom/me had to start on the bottom to be reputable. It's certainly a good idea, but I'm sure many Dom/mes just don't see the appeal in serving as a submissive themselves.

I just get prickly about women who imagine expectations being put on them that aren't on men.

[Euryleia]

I'm not sure it is a men vs women thing but more of a nod to being aware of what is being asked of the bottom/slave.

I'm a firm believer that you need to have felt the lash before you use it on another (same for clamps, etc). You'll have a better knowledge of yourself and what you can ask your partner to endure for you.

[mysc]

That was the same thing I wanted to post Euryleia! I think they should know how much pain some toys cause before using it on their subs/slaves/bottoms.

[Logic1]

Like I posted in another thread "I am a touch and feel Dom".
I try every toy out on myself before I use it on a sub. I have found out that cloverclamps hurts like a MOFO and have only used them occationally on a sub that liked that kind of pain.
and yet I have no interest in being a sub.
In my opinion men have just as much expectations on them as women has but they are a little different.

[Rhabbi]

That was the same thing I wanted to post Euryleia! I think they should know how much pain some toys cause before using it on their subs/slaves/bottoms.

The pain caused varied not only from one toy to another but from one person to another. I have a relatively high pain tolerance, so cannot always judge anothers reaction based on trying something myself. I just go slow whenever trying something on a new sub that I have not tried before, and let her make the decision.