Experiences Finding Someone Online

[Ocean_Soul]

For those of you who look to the internet to help find like-minded people I'm wondering how well it's working out for you. Also could you include whether you are f-sub or m-sub etc. as I'm wondering about the different experiences of the different groups. I'll add more of my thoughts later.

Thanks all.

[His_pita]

I’m a female sub and I met my Dom online almost 7 months ago. We weren’t really looking for each other, but we sure jumped at the chance when it was before us. The fact that we were both interested in BDSM was a huge bonus for us. We love the dynamics of D/s and want the total power exchange the most. We want the symbolism of collars, a contract and eventually a ceremony to make it forever. Plus we like kinky sex!

We are very much in love and plan to be together in real life in 3 months. We don’t do a lot of online D/s stuff. We take our relationship very seriously and want most things to be experienced and explored in person and not over a monitor and cam.

These last months online have been great for learning to communicate, build trust and to learn who we are and what we want. But, it’s hard and painful to only have an online relationship and I want my Sir in real life.

[J's blu]

hello OS Sir, i will give you a quick background. i was discovering my self as a sub, mostly through reading, thinking oh yes i could live with that! when i discovered the joys of msn chat. for someone living in a rather small country city, that was amazing! i could stay at home look after the kids and talk to people who knew what i was feeling, talking about, going through. it was the best thing for me. i met a lot of good people there. including my Master. but then they cut australia off and left us out in the cold. so, anway, i can tell you, that as far as i know, at least three couples came about from meeting in the room i used to call home. i know of three people who moved countries to be with new partners. and i know of one sub who has since married her new Master, whom she met in that room. i have never had the joy of feeling my Masters hand as yet, but our relationship is very real, and i am working towards being with Him for a visit next year.
i have also been lucky enough to correspond with some people in the lifestyle who live in the same state as me, which is great! i find online to be a safe place to get to know people. but then again, i know of people who have had bad experiences too. i think because i am fairly isolated geographically, i am about as safe as you can be. also, i have of course observed obvious safety meaures. all i can say Sir, is if you are meant to meet, then you will, doesnt matter where it is.
and you can have equally bad experiences with people you meet in the pub, it is not just the domain of the internet to meet players and cheats.
good luck with hunting Sir if that is what you wish.
J's blu

[alura]

That is how I met my danny, too, OS! And as you know...it's now only 19 days away! (grin)
What do you mean, Australia was cut off? When? From MSN? Do tell? I haven't heard from him in a couple days. I chalked it up to him being swamped since the season ends tomorrow at his job....but maybe there's another reason?

hello OS Sir, i will give you a quick background. i was discovering my self as a sub, mostly through reading, thinking oh yes i could live with that! when i discovered the joys of msn chat. for someone living in a rather small country city, that was amazing! i could stay at home look after the kids and talk to people who knew what i was feeling, talking about, going through. it was the best thing for me. i met a lot of good people there. including my Master. but then they cut australia off and left us out in the cold. so, anway, i can tell you, that as far as i know, at least three couples came about from meeting in the room i used to call home. i know of three people who moved countries to be with new partners. and i know of one sub who has since married her new Master, whom she met in that room. i have never had the joy of feeling my Masters hand as yet, but our relationship is very real, and i am working towards being with Him for a visit next year.
i have also been lucky enough to correspond with some people in the lifestyle who live in the same state as me, which is great! i find online to be a safe place to get to know people. but then again, i know of people who have had bad experiences too. i think because i am fairly isolated geographically, i am about as safe as you can be. also, i have of course observed obvious safety meaures. all i can say Sir, is if you are meant to meet, then you will, doesnt matter where it is.
and you can have equally bad experiences with people you meet in the pub, it is not just the domain of the internet to meet players and cheats.
good luck with hunting Sir if that is what you wish.
J's blu

[J's blu]

hi alura, when i said no msn i meant chat rooms. we can still use messenger. just cant access any chat rooms. UNLESS, you know someone in the states who has payed and is willing to give you one of their passport thingys. that is what i meant. i was so lucky to have just found it before it dissappeared. the friends i met there i have been able to keep in touch with via IM. and of course my Master now see in OZ you only have 18 days to go you deserve it girl.

[Sam'sJasmine]

I am a female sub. I met my Master through an ad placed on a BDSM web site. We started out with email, and I must say he was the one that asked the most questions before we started anything, and I liked that. I was an over the road truck driver at the time, so after about 2 months we went to phone contact when my truck broke down and I was in a motel for a couple of days. A while later I got a load into his area, and we decided to meet in real life. That was in 2000, and we now have been married for a year. The first year we had bi-weekly email contact and met in person 3 times. Neither one of us were looking for a lifetime commitment. But things just happened, I guess you could say life has its way of changing your plans. I am very happy, I now get to have the type of sex I like, I have a husband I love with all my heart, and a Master, who when real life doesn’t interfere, can be cruel and mean. (Shivers deliciously).

I think the main reason I continued on and met him in person was he always put my safety first. In all his email instructions there was information on how to do things safely, he always asked questions into how my lifestyle both at home and on the road would affect what he told me to do. He always found ways to push me out of my comfort zone, but never was I asked to go into a situation that would put me in jeopardy.

I know I was a good source of porn, a delightful distraction knowing some woman was doing his bidding, but I always knew he also was concerned that our contact was S/S/C. Since this was my first contact with any one via Internet, and my first BDSM relationship, I was pretty unsure of what my limits were. He was very good at keeping things at a slow steady, yet exciting pace.

My real life always took priority and still does, yet I have plenty of time to fill with wonderful distraction of my Master’s desires.

And we continue on............

[Masters_lilone]

i am a female switch i met my Master on line and our relationship started to from when i took his other girl as my own. he came to me for advice about a problem that he was having with our girl and we became close in the process
and spent many hours togeter talking online about various things at first though i was a total lil bitch who was always being a smart ass to him and i almost lost him for good due to the fact that i was in another relationship and i was hurt bad so i was trying to push my Master away to keep from being hurt again my Master had sence enough to realise this and he didn't give up on me. it has gotten to the point now that there isn't anything that i woudn't do for him. our relationship is based on verything being ssc as well ast here being love trust and coumiacation. weare gonna be meeting for the fist time in real life next month and i will be reciving my formal collar then. we are gonna be married in 2007. we are gonna start out slowly and work twords a total power exchange .also once we are together 24/7 i will have rules that i will have to follow. i am lucky to be owned by a sweet and loving and kind Master.

[learningtopleez]

Okay...I have to tell ya that as much as I love all these stories...boy am I envious!

I have had two r/l Dom's, and I met both of them on the internet. The first one can be found in GaelstormIRA's description of who is not a Dom in the personals thread! He was not very knowledgeable about bdsm, nor was I. But I believed what he told me and tried to have a D/s relationship with this guy. He was aware that I was married at the time (separated now!), and eventually turned this against me. If you search the forums for a thread entitled "To Stay or Let Go" or something like that....you can read all about him and I. He also didn't like that I came here to learn. So....one down!

I actually don't talk about one of the more embarrassing moments of my little learningtopleez life since I have discovered this part of myself. And that was with an ex member of the bdsm library. Some of you may remember...it was internet only...actually we did talk on the phone a couple of times....but it turned out he was just playing me, as well as other members of the forum. He also lied...a lot!! Thank goodness for good friends! So.....two down!

The third I met on alt....I have mentioned him here in several posts...his name was Max. Max felt more like a Dom than anyone I have been with so far. But alas...he wants children...I have two teenagers! So....three down!

I am beginning to think that I am not meant for this type of lifestyle....or maybe I am just not meant for true love...

[Ruby]

I am beginning to think that I am not meant for this type of lifestyle....or maybe I am just not meant for true love...

Keep the faith, LTP. You have to kiss a lot of frogs...or in this case screen out the ones you don't like and toss them back into the pond...to catch or be caught by "the one".

True love comes when we least expect and certainly not always when we are seeking it. Course, those matchmakers (aka our friends and family) can come in handy. Right, Alura?

--- To answer Ocean_Soul's question ---

I met T through one group of friends and Nat through another. T, over 20+ years ago, in the real world. Nat, last year, online.

I consider myself a switch, but not a sub. I'm more a pet to T, like a wild tigress to his tiger, than a submissive anywhere other than the bedroom when we play.

Nat is also a switch, though in the past, he's had far more time as the dom than the sub.

We started online as friends first. Building a relationship, then talking on the phone. I truly enjoy our time together, and it's not all about s-e-x. * nods head *

After months of chatting on the telephone and via messenger, Nat came right out and asked me to be his Miss. We spoke quite at length about what this meant to each of us, as in what he wanted from the relationship and what I wanted - not having really thought about being someone's domme, but enjoying the role in my fiction through my characters.

T was consulted and he immediately said, "No." Actually, I did, too. Then after weeks, probably more than a month of heavy discussions, when Nat proved himself sincere, and T set down some very hard limits, the no turned into a yes.