What do you find humiliating?

[Platonicus]

On another site I read a post where it was discussed that many submissives who enjoy humiliation didn't particularly find that verbal humilation pushed their buttons so to speak. I'd be interested to hear from those who enjoy this type of play what they find to be humilating, be it verbal or physical.

[Euryleia]

I spoke about this on another thread but, for me at least, there is a fine line between arousing words that are humiliating and those that are degrading. There has to be a sense of possesion for the words to not be hurtful ie 'your slut.'

On the other hand, physical humiliation does push my buttons--the idea of making someone or being made to be sexual in nonsexual situations (in semi-public places or around coworkers) is quite a turn on.

[Ozme52]

What's the dividing line between humiliation and embarrassment?

I think you need to define that to answer the question. Euryleia's example I would list under the latter word.

[gagged_Louise]

It's not to do with the level of violence that's for sure. As with many subs, face slapping (with hand or cane or something...) is a hard limit and something I'd find extremely humiliating, even unacceptable. Close to the same for being hosed with water or food in the face - but on the other hand the thought of being on my knees giving head, deep throated and hair pulled is a strong turn-on and something I hope to bring to r/l soon. I don't think I'd refuse being cream pied in my face and told "you need this, hoe" in that situation. It's very much to do with if it feels close or just distant and cold.

[Platonicus]

What's the dividing line between humiliation and embarrassment?

I think you need to define that to anwr the question. Euryleia's example I would list under the latter word.

Yes, I agree. There is always a fair amount of misunderstanding when it comes to what amounts to embarassing and what amounts to humiliation. In an attempt to clarify my question I'd say that I define embarassment as an emotional state experienced upon having a socially unacceptable act or condition witnessed by or revealed to others. I think embarassment at least to me usually carries the connotation of being caused by an act that is merely socially unacceptable, rather than morally wrong. For example, a person being caught picking their nose, or experiencing unexpected flatulence in a public setting, or of learning that they have been walking about the office for a good period of time while trailing a length of toliet tissue from a shoe.

With respect to the question I posed, I was speaking of erotic humiliation. Something experienced that doesn't degrade or even necessarily embarass but that in a real sense lowers a submissive's position in her own eyes with respect to a Dominant or would in the submissive's opinion lower their position in the eyes of others if the act or condition were observed, but at the same time provokes sexual arousal in the submissive.

[Platonicus]

I spoke about this on another thread but, for me at least, there is a fine line between arousing words that are humiliating and those that are degrading. There has to be a sense of possesion for the words to not be hurtful ie 'your slut.'

On the other hand, physical humiliation does push my buttons--the idea of making someone or being made to be sexual in nonsexual situations (in semi-public places or around coworkers) is quite a turn on.

Yes, I certainly agree. People often have misconceptions about humiliation play in a D/s scene and sometimes confuse it with degradation which is in my opinion definitely a debilitating form of mental and emotional abuse.

When done by partners who are well versed in what each find pleasurably, humiliation can be very erotic and meaningful. But what one person finds erotic another may find demeaning or hurtful which is why engaging in humilation play is something I think best enjoyed by partners who know one another very well. And relationships in which the submissive is able to be very open about what she doesn't like and where the dominant exercises caution and watches and listens for the submissive's reactions.

[violetgem]

hmm, interesting thread, i hope more people answer, i would like to see what others think... as for me, i'm gonna think about it and get back

[Sir_Russell]

Okay my two cents worth. I have a greeting that I love and insist upon in private, it goes this way. She kneels with knees apart then goes down to put her bottom on her calves. Then she leans forward while slowly placing her arms out and back like a bird or seraphin. When her face makes contact and her nipples are touching the floor she says words like welcome Master your slave awaits your desire. Then she is to raise back to a kneeling position then to an arched back with mouth open waiting for me to decide if I will let her taste me.

To some this is humilation but most find that once they get past that their sub is in full control.

[blythe spirit]

Ummmm - the difference between embarassment and humiliation is this - I can tell you that humiliation arouses me, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you what type of humiliation arouses me. *giggles

[jeanne]

Okay my two cents worth. I have a greeting that I love and insist upon in private, it goes this way. She kneels with knees apart then goes down to put her bottom on her calves. Then she leans forward while slowly placing her arms out and back like a bird or seraphin. When her face makes contact and her nipples are touching the floor she says words like welcome Master your slave awaits your desire. Then she is to raise back to a kneeling position then to an arched back with mouth open waiting for me to decide if I will let her taste me.

To some this is humilation but most find that once they get past that their sub is in full control.

I can't find anything humiliating about that. Incredibly arousing, yes. A way to enter the correct submissive mindset, yes. Humiliating? Oh hell no.

Ummmm - the difference between embarassment and humiliation is this - I can tell you that humiliation arouses me, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you what type of humiliation arouses me. *giggles

That's perfect!!!

[Sir_Russell]

thank you his_j but the first few times a new sub does this she normally feels humilation after that she either looks forward to it or fakes it I guess

[Isabelle90]

She kneels with knees apart then goes down to put her bottom on her calves. Then she leans forward while slowly placing her arms out and back like a bird or seraphin. When her face makes contact and her nipples are touching the floor she says words like welcome Master your slave awaits your desire. Then she is to raise back to a kneeling position then to an arched back with mouth open waiting for me to decide if I will let her taste me.

To some this is humilation but most find that once they get past that their sub is in full control.

This sounds terribly arousing! My question to you, Sir Russell, is how do you determine if your sub gets to taste?

My two-cents...I personally find terms like "slut", "whore", or "cunt" offensive, unless they are prerequisited by the simple possessive pronoun, my. For some odd reason that sounds a bit more respectful.

[wingsofanangel]

The most humiliating thing for me.... or maybe embarassing... I dunno... either way.. something that would probably arouse the Dom but leave me feeling a little.. "open" (in an emotional sense)

is pretty basic. When in the chat and I have to ask publically to speak with a Dom privately.. OMG..

It embarasses me to no end b/c its like.. everyone then knows that I am privately talking to someone and they may make assumptions about what is happening and such...

It does turn me on a little bit.... but it totally makes me blush.. I am sitting here typing it and my ears are literally burning....

[Sir_Russell]

Isabelle90
last first, it is because of the possessive nature make it a pet name, I had a slave/wife that called herself and answered to dizzy.

As to how I decide it depends on a lot of factors mostly though she got to taste.

[newby]

Okay my two cents worth. I have a greeting that I love and insist upon in private, it goes this way. She kneels with knees apart then goes down to put her bottom on her calves. Then she leans forward while slowly placing her arms out and back like a bird or seraphin. When her face makes contact and her nipples are touching the floor she says words like welcome Master your slave awaits your desire. Then she is to raise back to a kneeling position then to an arched back with mouth open waiting for me to decide if I will let her taste me.

To some this is humilation but most find that once they get past that their sub is in full control.

damn, Sir Russell! That's hot!

[Ozme52]

We all have our methods. Russell... (clap clap) I applaud you. Very nice indeed. If I ever get tired of mine, I'll give that a try.

I had an epiphany while addressing this topic on another board...

The first part is that humiliation is to bondage/discipline/impact play as mental domination is to physical domination.

The second part is that humiliation has the same root meaning as humility... which is to be humble. It is the ultimate act of mental submission to be humbled before your dominant.

Some doms can do that with positions (such as Russell and myself) and some do that with harsh words, titles, and demeaning tasks. Some subs find the simple act of being put across the knee to be extremely humiliating. Some by writing on their bodies.

We all have our own idea of what is and isn't humiliating, but humiliation play is no more and no less than another means to the same end.

There are many paths and each journey is worthy of our attention.

[~faerie~]

The first part is that humiliation is to bondage/discipline/impact play as mental domination is to physical domination.

The second part is that humiliation has the same root meaning as humility... which is to be humble. It is the ultimate act of mental submission to be humbled before your dominant.

We all have our own idea of what is and isn't humiliating, but humiliation play is no more and no less than another means to the same end.

There are many paths and each journey is worthy of our attention.

Very wise words.

[hispleasure]

Okay my two cents worth. I have a greeting that I love and insist upon in private, it goes this way. She kneels with knees apart then goes down to put her bottom on her calves. Then she leans forward while slowly placing her arms out and back like a bird or seraphin. When her face makes contact and her nipples are touching the floor she says words like welcome Master your slave awaits your desire. Then she is to raise back to a kneeling position then to an arched back with mouth open waiting for me to decide if I will let her taste me.

To some this is humilation but most find that once they get past that their sub is in full control.

Pardon me for disagreeing Sir Russell, but I don't think that constitutes humiliation. Its more along the lines of...oh I don't know what, but not humilitation...

[KateHeld]

In fantasy, I like the concept of humiliation. Be it verbal or physical.
I especially get aroused from things I would consider to be very embarassing or gross in real life. I like it that I would be helpless to do anything about it.

One of my fantasies would be being used as a footstool by a domme as she casually talked to another person sitting next to her on the sofa. They would talk about me as if I wasn't there. I would be all gagged and plugged both ways. Also just to be humiliated I would be forced to clean the domme's feet with my tongue as I would be kneeling infront of her. The things I mention in this fantasy, for me, are a few of the most humiliating things I can think of.

[KateHeld]

Also, leashes... very humiliating... Getting the leash pulled as I try to keep my balance on heels with my ankles cuffed... I would feel like a toy... Mmm...

[annie]

I had an epiphany while addressing this topic on another board...

Ohhhhh love it when you have an epiphany Oz!

We all have our own idea of what is and isn't humiliating, but humiliation play is no more and no less than another means to the same end.

There are many paths and each journey is worthy of our attention.

I think that is the key right there.... what is "humiliating" to one may not be to another... as long as the destination is the same the map there doesn't matter! (This of course coming from someone who is normally "map" challenged... lol)

[KateHeld]

[QUOTE=delia;484529]YUMMY, kate!

Thanks *s*

[Logic1]

blushing girls is such a turn-on for me
the more she blushes the better <3
I definitely love your footstool idea Kate

[gloombunny]

being hosed with water or food in the face

That.

[Sir_Russell]

This is a real life story, does this fit your version of humiliation. \

Trish’s Humiliation


We went out to a show and while there we met friends of Trish’s that are not into the lifestyle. Trish decides that she must act in vanilla manner rather then be embarrassed. I never have required her to be outwardly submissive or address me as Master when in public but I do require the use of Russell instead of Russ that vanilla friends use. I expect her to show respect for me and treat me with honor at all times. Tonight that seems to be hard for Trish, telling her friends about how Russ did this silly thing to show her how much I cares for her. I don’t object to her telling of any events that I may look foolish in to show that I love her, but I object to the lack of pride of being mine. She did not hold my hand while talking to her friends and pulls it from me when I take hold of her hand.

I quickly grow angry at her disrespect. I stand up and tell her I am going to a hotel for the night, pull money from my wallet for carfare for her and leave. I stop at the front to pay for the meals with a healthy tip tell the manger to see that her party is treated well. As I leave the restaurant she runs after me but is still not willing to show that she is my slave and act correctly. I get to the car and Trish begins to beg me not to leave without her. I tell her, “I will not be disrespected like this ever again if you want me to allow you to continue to serve me.”

Trish falls to her knees and begs me calling me Master loudly. I tell her that I will take her home but she has to strip before getting into the car. Trish just looked at me not moving so I open the door to the car and get in.

I slam the door shut and she realized that I am going to leave. Trish stands looking around quickly and then start unbuttoning her blouse. Trish hands me her coat then undoes her skirt and step out of it handing it to me. Trish is still looking around when I start the engine and hit the door lock button. She quickly removed her blouse then bra and ask if she may enter the car now. I look at her and say, “your hose and heels first.” There are sounds of people coming towards us and she freezes. Trish beg for me to please let her in the car. I say “hose and heels”. She undoes her garter belt steps out of her heels as the sounds stop since they have spotted her. Trish has tears running down her checks as she rolls down her hose and hand them to me. I unlock the doors and tells Trish to walk around the car slowly and get in.

Trish gets into the car crying. I drive out of the parking lot I grab her hair and pull her down. I tell her to undo my pants and suck on me till she can stop crying. Trish resist so I pull hard on her hair and push her face into my pants.

Trish finally says, “Master please stop I will do what you want I am sorry for hurting you.” I let her raise her head up enough for her to undo my buckle and zipper. As soon as she frees my cock she swallows it whole sucking it to its full life. I tell Trish to, “Never act like you are not my slave unless you want me to leave. She must show respect, no matter who we are with. “

To make my point with each word I slap her right hip. By the time I run out of words she is crying as you suck and I continue to spank her to be sure she will never do that again.

I release her more out of fear that I will truly hurt her then wanting her to stop. Trish cries into my lap telling me she will never ever do that again. We stop in front of the house. I tell her to follow me to the door. Trish start to grab for her jacket and I say< “no you may get your stuff tomorrow. I want you to follow me to the door as you are.”

I take my time walking up the walkway to the front door and then slowly unlock the door. Before I open the door I turn to her and ask, “Have truly learned your lesson” and she says, “Yes Master I have, I love you so.” I stare at her for a bit and tell her that inside the house she will take my pants and shorts off and blow me just inside the door that she will use both of her hands on herself to get herself off while my cock is in your mouth. That she had better cum before I do, that I want to feel her mouth on my cock as she climaxes and that as she climax I will force my cock deeper down her throat deeper then ever before. Then I tell her that I had better not feel the first tooth and that she will swallow every drop no matter what or she will be licking it up off the floor. That if she displeases me in any way that I will open the door and turn on the light for all to see as she finishes her task.

I open the door and let Trish in. She does exactly as I told her to do and when her climax hits I do as I have promised, loudly coming deep in her throat holding Trish’s head firmly allowing no escape. Trish swallows every drop and never gagged at all.

[gagged_Louise]

This incident between you Russell and slave trish - humiliating, hell yes, but not in a destructive way. Undressing to nudity in the street really was making her taste the edge of course, and if she hadn't formally been your slave it would have smacked of abuse, yeah...But since she is and has chosen to surrender herself as your slave, it's okay - and hot.

If it were me in similar circumstances and with the time I guess she's been in this, I'd have accepted it as rightful to be punished like that.

[newby]

i consider myself a sub rather than a slave. While i cant see my Man doing anything close to what Sir Russell did to trish, i find it oddly exciting. i'm wondering, tho, whatever happened to the vanilla friends you left at the restuarant??

[Sir_Russell]

They were mostly her friends with a couple of them that later became people I liked. As to what happened none of them were in the group that came out to make the punishment complete.

trish (not her real name but she was in the photo with me in self potrait thread) told several of the women in her circle what we were.

Funny how that changed their view of me and I did get offers from some of them that would not have been correct to accept. It seems that once it is out in the open that a lot of women that act disgusted by it in groups find any chance they can to touch me, even young ones the last time I was outed

[Sir_Russell]

Oh one more thought

I could have sent her back into the restaurant to explain why I was upset with her but that would have been a step to far and breaking of a pledge to her.

[Isabelle90]

Funny how that changed their view of me and I did get offers from some of them that would not have been correct to accept. It seems that once it is out in the open that a lot of women that act disgusted by it in groups find any chance they can to touch me, even young ones the last time I was outed

There's just something about a dominant male.