I want my wife to be my Mistress

[gattovecchio]

I joined this forum two weeks ago, and already I find positive changes in myself that I would like to share.

I always had BDSM tendencies, but I've kept them a secret from my family and friends. Several times, I tried to draw my wife into it, but nothing doing. We enjoy sex but she does not believe in variety. So I found other outlets: casual encounters, on-line and solo play.

I enjoy the sub games, and the erotic pleasure is even more intense when I know that I doing it for someone. Well, I decided that I should submit to my wife, even if she doesn't know it.

For example, a day doesn't go by that I masturbate with my toys at least once: in the shower, at work, even in the car. But I don't come. I save it for her. The slightest hint of sex and I drop everything. And menial tasks that would put me off, now I do with pleasure.

My fantasy is for my wife to be my Mistress. Can anyone relate to this and how did you go about it?

[Aesop]

I dunno. I'm not submissive, but are you asking how to keep a fantasy going or how to convince your wife you need more?

[subdude05]

I am/was in a simalar situation with my girlfriend (lavender), i found its a bit of give and receve, let her know of your feelings and give her some backgroung information, nothing too deep, just so she understands a it beyond "pain" as its a common missconseption that BDSM s all about Pain, eg, i enjoy the bondage and humiliation side of it where as someone else may enjoy a stern cane (this you will find out with expermentation, even if you think you know what you like now, you may be supprised you find you like someithing else more). As i was saying its the whole give and receve thing, find something she loves you doing to her (oral etc...) and maybe she will be more inclined to dominate you occasionally.
-Dont push her or you wont get anything, trust me on that one.
-Try not to demand it all the time, this may deter her.
-Do start small, expeiment a little, she may find she likes doing something
-DO show her this site, some of the knowledge base and my BDSM life will answer some of her questions, (im sure she'll have many)

You're in a good position as i wish i found this site whan i got into BDSM, as what i know i have found out the hard way, although find your own things because part of the fun of it all is the serching inside your self and your partener, and the expermentation ohhh the experimantation. Just remember it may take a while, so good luck and hope the two of you come to some agreemant as everyone i have spoken to who's in to the scene are friendly and inteligent people.

hope my advice helps, Subdude05

[Blue_Monday]

I think you've totally taken the right approach. The secretive stuff will only get you in trouble--you have a woman you love; she should be your mistress. I too, sometimes submit to my boyfriend without him ever knowing it. I get what I need, and no one gets hurt.

As for drawing her in, I think you have to start these things gently. This site is pretty hard core. I wouldn't just give her a link and send her on her way. She'll think you're nuts. But you shouldn't keep it secret, either. Maybe share some stories or images that are particularly arousing to you. But if she doesn't like sexual variety, I don't think there's much here that she'll like.

You also can't hand her a whip and ask her to get to work. As the sub, and as the instigator, you'll have to let her be a little passive, even if that's contrary to your sub tendencies. 100% obedience is a good start--there's nothing worse than someone who wants to be a sub, then says "no" to everything. You might even have to offer her what she wants--a massage, a nice cup of tea, a bath, oral sex.... (a few of my faves!) Pamper her. Spoil her. Sit at her feet and wait on her--it turns you on, and it certainly couldn't turn her off!

Once she's used to that, you can ask her what she wants. For some women, it takes a lot of positive reinforcement for them even to ask for a small favor. If she can say, "Honey, I'd really like a glass of wine," and she knows you'll obey, you're halfway there. Just replace "honey" with "slut-boy" and "glass of wine" with "tongue job!"

Well, easier said than done. She still might not want to take it in the bedroom, and your sexual submission might be limited to the space in your mind, at least for now. I wonder what you mean that you "enjoy sex, but she doesn't believe in variety." Is is really good, in the same position, same night of the week, all the time? Or do you find the sameness of it to be comforting? I can relate to not wanting to change something once you've gotten it "right," but it seems that there's always room to do better.

Good luck. With such a giving spirit, you can't possibly lose!

[gattovecchio]

Really good advice, Blue_Monday. And you too, Subdude05. Thanks!

I’ll have to take a very gradual approach. Two weeks ago, she walked into the room as I was logged on. I closed the page immediately. She asked me what I was looking at. I told her it was a site about computers, but she must have thought otherwise because I hesitated to show it to her. I really felt bad about it and was tempted to let it all out. I knew she would think I was weird and really get upset, but it’s worse than her not trusting me. She hasn’t said anything, so I kept quiet. If you watch Desperate Housewives, I can tell you that Rex and Bree describe us.

Blue_Monday, you caught me. I should have said that we have sex often, but usually the same position, with her on top, riding me. She likes having me suck her breasts, and I like squeezing her sexy ass, so it works out for both. As for oral, I know she likes it because she comes loudly when I go down on her. But I can count on my fingers the number of times she has let me. I really have to beg for it. Maybe because once I start I can’t stop licking and nibbling away.

I’ll take your advice to pamper her and try to find ways to bring up my likes when she’s in the right mood.

Gatto

[Hime]

I think even the most vanilla people must enjoy being submitted to (ugh, awkward grammar) in some ways. I mean, everyone likes getting oral sex, right? Explain to her that you want to please her and fulfill her fantasies. I don't know many women who wouldn't sign right up for that.

[subdude05]

if you keep a secret too long it gets harder to tell someone, i agree this site can be qoute graphic and im sure theres even stuff on here you dont like, but there are tamer parts, Now maybe a good time to show her, hopefully she will be understanding and respect your tastes (i mean it could be worse), it should remove all suspision and tension that could result. It may not be a good idea to just point at the screen and say "this is what i want you to do"
show her your interested in this and take your time, your not trying to make her, because if shes not enjoying it, you wont either. You have kind of allready missed a good opertunity when she saw you, maybe she could catch you again, if you get my drift, it had the oppertunity to be a good starting point, but be carefull it could get messy. Start with the tame light stuff (as not to put her off immeadiatly), with patience from the both of you it could turn into something beautifull.

[orchid]

i knew i was submissive long before i knew the depth of that statement. my Husband was as vanilla as ice cream. the more i found out about the lifestyle and began to understand all of the things i had been feeling for years, the more i yearned for Him to dominate me in every way.

we started slow, a casual suggestion that i thought it would be fun if we would tie me to the bed, surprise, not only did he do it, he found he liked it. it progressed to me making teasing comments about greeting Him on my knees when He came home from work and His smart ass comment about having a beer ready for Him too...but when i did it, He liked that too. Most of our growth in this lifestyle has come from suggestion and experimentation, absolutely more on my part than His but when He does make a suggestion, comment, talking out loud idea, i take the initiative to give it a try. so far, i think we have been very lucky in that i am getting what i want and He is slowly expanding His boundaries.

The last 2 years have progressed far more quickly as He has come to fully realize how much He does enjoy our relationship this way and of course, i couldn't be happier!

good luck!!

[lockedhusband]

Check out Elise Sutton's site especially her articles and Q&A areas. She has been conseling men and couples on this topic for years. Her book "Female Domination" is great, it has insight into why men desire to be dominated by women both in and out of the bedroom.

Good Luck

[gattovecchio]

I skimmed through Elise Sutton's site and it looks very good!. I think I'll spend the next few days there, and sort out my feelings

I also found an excellent thread in the BSDM Academy: :Telling your significant other about your secret life

That thread also makes me realize that it's going to be difficult to tell my wife. I feel guilty about hiding it from her and a bit ashamed for not being able to tell her because I know how she'll react.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to continue to find ways to please. She's my secret mistress. And I believe that bit by bit she'll accept me for what I am.

G

[gattovecchio]

I just want to say Thanks to all the advice you gave me. And a special thanks to Timmy (take a bow) for pushing me on to live it and share it.

I really feel that my fantasy will become a reality. I took your advice and started being more attentive to my Wife. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t compliment her on her looks, hug her, do small things that please her. In bed, we talk much more, and she’s more adventurous. Nothing kinky though.

But that’s OK. Blue Monday, you were right! I get turned on by all this. For example, she usually makes up the bed in the morning. Today, I had the day off, so she left for work with the bed undone. As I started making the bed, I started getting excited. Being all alone, I stripped naked and masturbated while making the bed. Not easy with one hand!

Then this afternoon, I picked her up at work. On the way back, she asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her. I wasn’t too keen; I wanted to go home and prepare supper. She persisted, and I finally told her “You know, you’re doing it wrong. You asked me if I wanted to, and I don’t. Had you told me – Let’s go shopping- I would have said Yes”

Later on, she said “Do you want to stop for a coffee?” And I replied “Not really, I’d rather go home. But, had you told me to stop at Tim Horton’s (best coffee in the world, by the way), I’d do it with pleasure”. She laughed and replied “I get it now! OK; I want to have a coffee; let’s go”.

Over coffee, we discussed vacation plans, and she knows that I hate traveling. She said “I don’t care what you say. As soon as I have a chance, I’ll book a flight. And then you’ll have no choice but to come with me”. Instant hard-on!

It may not sound like much, but to me it’s what I was longing for. Now she knows that I like her to take charge, and bit by bit I can share more of my feelings for her and build on it.

Almost forgot: lockedhusband, thanks for pointing me to Elise Sutton’s site. I started there and got hooked immediately. I spend the entire week reading everything I could Google on Wife Worship. It’s my world now.

G