Which one are you?

[gemmy]

wasn't offended at all, in fact the be what you want to call yourself attitude offends me.

If you object to a term and standardized meaning for that term then you believe that words have no meaning and no power. I object that any fool can say I be Dom hear me brag. I am Dom and proud of it, live it and live to a higher standard then does joe vanilla in about 90% of the cases.

I know that I am not a whip master nor do I want to be. I know that I am a caring loving dominant and wouldn't want to be anything else.
I know that I am not a sadist and that pain for pain sake isn't for me so a masochist isn't my ideal submissive.
I know I am a bondage Master and that I love having a lady restrained to the point that she can refuse me nothing.
I know that all of these help make me who I am and I think able to describe that person to you. To save I am a slave because I say I am is just as silly. Tell me why you are so we can know where we agree or differ.

thank you very much for this Sir_Russell, i truly hadn't thought of it in terms of different kinds of Masters - very interesting! *s*

[Sir_Russell]

There has to be different Masters/Doms since we all have different needs and wants. sub/slaves are different to so need different types of Doms to suit their needs.

There isn't any one right way or one right Dom or only one way to be a slave. God save us from the sure of mind they will trap us in their tiny little worlds and we will miss the wonder of all the others.

[gloombunny]

How is it shoehorning? This is an informal survey on a message board that doesn't even require to you pick exclusively one. You are not going to be lifted from your home, attached with a tag reading "Brat" or "Masochist" and shipped off to Monaco to live out your days at the beck and call of a multi-millionaire living in tax freedom. What's the harm in it?

Who's talking about harm? I'm just saying that none of these archetypes fit me in any meaningful way, and if some people here aren't playing along and categorizing themselves under this scheme, it may be because they feel the same way. It's "shoehorning" because that's the word for trying to squeeze something into something else that doesn't quite fit.

I'm not offended by these categories or anything like that. I can see that other people find them personally relevant and meaningful, and that's great! But it is an arbitrary categorization scheme, and it's not going to accurately describe everyone. So why get pissy that some people aren't using it to describe themselves?

[gloombunny]

*open minds lead to better learning? isn't that what we all preach to the vanilla society? open your mind and try to accept a different view? a new side to learning? hmmmmm*

Doesn't open-mindedness imply accepting that not everyone will use the same classification system to describe themselves?

(Also, in case it wasn't as clear as I'd hoped in my last post - you have nothing to apologize for! There's nothing wrong with your categories, only with the idea that they're the only ones anyone can describe themselves with, and you never said that about them. Your categories seem to be working pretty well for many people, so good on you for posting them!)

wasn't offended at all, in fact the be what you want to call yourself attitude offends me.

If you object to a term and standardized meaning for that term then you believe that words have no meaning and no power. I object that any fool can say I be Dom hear me brag. I am Dom and proud of it, live it and live to a higher standard then does joe vanilla in about 90% of the cases.

I know that I am not a whip master nor do I want to be. I know that I am a caring loving dominant and wouldn't want to be anything else.
I know that I am not a sadist and that pain for pain sake isn't for me so a masochist isn't my ideal submissive.
I know I am a bondage Master and that I love having a lady restrained to the point that she can refuse me nothing.
I know that all of these help make me who I am and I think able to describe that person to you. To save I am a slave because I say I am is just as silly. Tell me why you are so we can know where we agree or differ.

I think I agree, but I'm not sure what this has to do with the question of whether these specific nine categories are sufficient to describe every sub out there?


I probably shouldn't be posting so much on this, but I seem to have unintentionally hit a nerve with some people and I don't want to be misunderstood.

[icey]

my apologies to anyone who was offended by this thread, it wasn't meant to pigeonhole anyone but to try to have a look at different variations for the fun of it simply

i've had some (especially new subs), say they learned something about themselves looking at this thread and that is a good thing, no?

we all strive to be individually us and no one has to fit into any of these categories since the bottom line of a submissive is to please and be pleasing simply

if you didn't find the fun or it didn't provoke any thought process, that's entirely fine, just don't play lol

thanks to all who came to me saying they enjoyed it, i appreciate it


*open minds lead to better learning? isn't that what we all preach to the vanilla society? open your mind and try to accept a different view? a new side to learning? hmmmmm*

anyway........................gone to read other topics lol

*hugs* i enjoyed the thread and it did get me thinking.

unless ive misunderstood some of the posts , i dont understand why people are offended or annoyed by others not wanting to be 'labelled'

you can use generalised terms to describe yourself but as an individual nobody fits into a perfect catagory.and the majority of people can be many different things at many different times.

perhaps if we need a label we should also consider ourselves criminals,sick,twisted perverted etc ? as in many countrys thats the title/name we are given by most of society.


also re-reading the posts the majority of us have done our best to try and describe the type of submissive/slaves we are into some of the terms (and thats all they really are) used for bdsm.and it can be fun trying to work out where you 'fit into' it all

people should be proud to call themselves and be a unique person as well as proud to call themselves and be a submissive etc

i hope i havnt offended anybody either!, im sorry if i have.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

Who's talking about harm? I'm just saying that none of these archetypes fit me in any meaningful way, and if some people here aren't playing along and categorizing themselves under this scheme, it may be because they feel the same way. It's "shoehorning" because that's the word for trying to squeeze something into something else that doesn't quite fit.

I'm not offended by these categories or anything like that. I can see that other people find them personally relevant and meaningful, and that's great! But it is an arbitrary categorization scheme, and it's not going to accurately describe everyone. So why get pissy that some people aren't using it to describe themselves?

Because everyone deciding to post "oh im individual i dont fit into these boxes" neatly derails the entire thread. The original post was asking where you fit, not whether you're individual or not, and if you're not willing to dedicate a little bit of creative thought to working out in which one of those categories you fit in, you're just being awkward for the sake of it. I don't fit into any one box accurately, but rather than post something worthless, I tried and found a better definition. I get pissy because this is a good topic being cheapened by people refusing to participate.

[gloombunny]

Because everyone deciding to post "oh im individual i dont fit into these boxes" neatly derails the entire thread. The original post was asking where you fit, not whether you're individual or not, and if you're not willing to dedicate a little bit of creative thought to working out in which one of those categories you fit in, you're just being awkward for the sake of it. I don't fit into any one box accurately, but rather than post something worthless, I tried and found a better definition. I get pissy because this is a good topic being cheapened by people refusing to participate.

Well, I agree it isn't much use to post in the thread just to say "I'm not gonna contribute to this thread". Better to either try and describe what kind of sub you are without using the posted categories, or just leave the thread without posting.

(I'd have done the former by now except I'm not very articulate and am still trying to find a way to express my thoughts, and I was all set to do the latter until I saw people getting bitched at for not hammering their square peg into a round hole.)

[gemmy]

omg are you kidding me?

can we just please drop it and get back on topic or drop the entire thing period

god, if i'd known it was going to be such a drama post, i'd not have bothered really

and gloombunny - let me help you articulate.... "i don't fit into the above categories so i'll think on it and see what else i can come up with to express how my submission feels to me" *smiles*

as stated in the OP, those stated are but a few ideas of where one might fall, i'm tired of defending this thread and would happily see a mod remove it please

[Isabella King]

If I may be so bold...

I don't think this thread was ever about attaching labels. The initial examples got the thread up and running and then it was nice to read about other people's lives

Me? I'm lucky enough to live in a house with no children (I originally put lucky enough to have no children - I thought it best to change that)

I don't want to repeat, word for word, what I've written on another site but I gave myself, body and soul, to my husband. I exist in his world and live by his rules - I'm his submissive, his domestic, his pet and even sometimes his slave...but I'm also his friend and lover. Yes, he makes the rules but he also loves me and the tasks he sets me are designed to make me grow rather than to beat me down...they're also sometimes just about sex

Life with him is a constant test of my commitment. It started when he asked me to give up everything for him - from my career right down to my passport and the contents of my wardrobe - and although we live a mostly normal life, he can and will enforce his will on me - I stay because I get off on all of the above

(Sammi, I don't think that you should take criticism of this thread as a personal affront.)

[Sir_Russell]

mastersgem,
Actually I think it is a very worthy thread. You have people thinking, even those that don't believe in labels. Again words are tools and if you don't know what their meaning is then they are worthless.

By defining yourself you learn about how you are. The next part of that is that you should grow constantly. It is why most cultures consider their old people a treasure because they have the "knowing of all sorts of stuff".

submissive frequently aren't sure where they are in the Life and your list was fairly complete just not detailed enough I suppose for a Lifestyle as big as ours. So be proud of your contribution and don't let the nothing can describe me crowd get you down. Shows that they are too mentally lazy to do a personal inventory.

The rest of us even the Doms got a chance to learn due to this thread and for that I thank you.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

(I'd have done the former by now except I'm not very articulate and am still trying to find a way to express my thoughts, and I was all set to do the latter until I saw people getting bitched at for not hammering their square peg into a round hole.)

No, no. Nobody was bitching because they weren't doing it, I was complaining because they weren't even trying to see if their peg fit in any of the holes.

[gemmy]

*giggles* I don't know how many noticed but I neatly avoided answering my own question while i sat and read all yours *s*

I thought I'd better get out which boxes I like

Mainly and mostly, I am a pleasure slave - in all ways and manners - truly to hear Him say I've pleased Him is the absolute bottom line and spins my tummy like I can't even believe. Next to that is a pleasure sex slave, I do believe I was born to please in such a manner and quite enjoy bringing that to Him and for Him. I have some curiosities in pain but wouldn't call myself a painslut but who knows, maybe having those explored and tested may bring it out of me or I may scream blue murder and never want it again hehe

I know I'm not a brat, and think it unbecoming of a slave entirely (just my opinion) but many Dominants love that fire that a brat brings. I won't say I'm not without a bit of imp sometimes tho

And lastly I would say I am a bit of a babygurl sub although I'm not at all into Age Play or the Daddy/daughter thing, if that makes any sense lol (must be the coddling part hehe)

There are other things in my make-up of course, as they are with all of you, those are just some of the more powerful ones within me *s*

[~faerie~]

*claps for mastersgem*

[sub-timmi]

all I see here are boxes with some trying to find one to fit into and some trying there best to climb out. A box is a fixed boundary and any fixed boundary restricts growth and change. Therefore is change that some want and some don't. Is it not the fear of change that causes most problems in this world and is an adult regardless of nature able to decide on thier own without enforced boundaries.
Or am i just an anchist

[Isabella King]

[QUOTE=sub-timmi;584144 Is it not the fear of change that causes most problems in this world and is an adult regardless of nature able to decide on thier own without enforced boundaries.
Or am i just an anchist[/QUOTE]

Personally, I prefer enforced boundaries

[gemmy]

Personally, I prefer enforced boundaries

lmfao!!

[Cool Luke's Hand]

all I see here are boxes with some trying to find one to fit into and some trying there best to climb out. A box is a fixed boundary and any fixed boundary restricts growth and change. Therefore is change that some want and some don't. Is it not the fear of change that causes most problems in this world and is an adult regardless of nature able to decide on thier own without enforced boundaries.
Or am i just an anchist

I'm trying to understand the point of this, but failing. Someone explain.

[DowntownAmber]

all I see here are boxes with some trying to find one to fit into and some trying there best to climb out. A box is a fixed boundary and any fixed boundary restricts growth and change. Therefore is change that some want and some don't. Is it not the fear of change that causes most problems in this world and is an adult regardless of nature able to decide on thier own without enforced boundaries.
Or am i just an anchist

Eh, perhaps this thread could be taken this way. I prefer to look at it from a slightly different perspective. Sometimes, things come in boxes and in fixed containers. We can leave everything in the box it came in, or, we can take a little something out of each box and each container and blend to make the mixture that suits us. If we find an ingredient we don't have a flavor for, leave the lid on that container and move on. Easy as that.

I like cake.

I have a basic recipe for chocolate cake I use all the time. Once I have the basic ingredients put together, I modify that recipe nearly each and every time I bake. I can go double chocolate, German chocolate, with frosting or without, Black Forest cherry chocolate, you name it. However, do I get offended when someone asks me what went into the "chocolate cake?"

Most of us have already labeled ourselves: Doms, subs, or switches. I don't think this thread is trying to pack us into boxes so much as give a few variations for us to be able to explain the subtleties within these titles.

There, my two cents. Now I want cake...

[Wedjat]

Now I'm gonna be looking through my cupboards for cake ingredients too, dangit!

[DowntownAmber]

Now I'm gonna be looking through my cupboards for cake ingredients too, dangit!

Cake is rarely a bad thing, Wedjat... Have your cake and eat it too!

[gemmy]

lol Amber, well being that I'm completely Unique (haha) and don't like cake or any kind of sweets for that matter, I think I'll take my ingredients and make a lovely manicotti or lasgagne hehe

The beauty of the lifestyle is we get to use what bits and bites (mmmmm bites) suit us each best as no two submissives will agree on liking all the same things and nor will two Masters - the combinations are infinite and that just makes all of us Uniquely lucky *s*

[Hime]

Great post, mastersgem. A valuable list.

As an aside (not making light), it almost reads like an RPG class list. "World of Worship"... now there's an idea.

A friend of mine who was getting into BDSM for the first time actually phrased it kind of like that... "I'm not sure I'm ready for sex with character classes."

On topic, I think that I'm some of almost all of those. I mostly think of myself as a "pet," but I definitely have aspects of the babygirl, the brat and the pain slut.

[Hime]

*obligatory protest that the difference between "slave" and "submissive" is largely overblown and it has more to do with personal aesthetics than anything else*

Yeah, I agree with this post.

My husband and I prefer not to use the term "slave" because we're from the Southern US and find that the term brings up a lot of history that's more shameful than exciting to us. It has nothing to do with the depth of our relationship or our power exchange -- it just isn't the term we prefer. "Pet" suits me better, anyway.

[gemmy]

Yeah, I agree with this post.

My husband and I prefer not to use the term "slave" because we're from the Southern US and find that the term brings up a lot of history that's more shameful than exciting to us. It has nothing to do with the depth of our relationship or our power exchange -- it just isn't the term we prefer. "Pet" suits me better, anyway.

I agree on using the term in certain places Hime - one has to be very careful not to draw the wrong attention from those who don't understand and in the South would be one area, I think, to be extremely cautious

[tydnchaynz{NSXX}]

Where do you fall in the 'types' of sub / slave?


Pets - the leash and collar slave/sub, generally assuming a very low profile to her Dominant, serving her Master on hands and knees, laying at his feet always or on a cushion beside his chair, very much relying on his every word and command to serve and please Him

Brat subs - these gurls like attention, be it negative or positive, they will go out of their way to draw attention to themselves through sassy acts to gain what they want from their Doms, usually punishment - Brat is not usually a term assigned to a slave as a slave would never intentionally draw her Masters annoyance, dissappointment or anger for any reason

Pain slaves / subs (the masochist) - are ones who enjoy pain in their pleasure and can vary as i said earlier to the very light to the extreme edgeplayer, either way they enjoy the stimulation brought about by the physical pain brought to them at the hand of their Dom/Master

Business slave / sub - is the one you will read the least about when reading online journals. This is a person who will happily take on tasks for the dominant that are related to work. Often, the dominant owns his own business, and the slave will take care of the mundane paper work, accounting, organising or other activities that otherwise eat up the dominant's time. The slave will often be employed by the company, therefore having a salary. This by no means de-values the slave's position as submissive. It's often hard to recognise duality of the slave's life - dominance in work, submissive in nature

Domestic slave / sub - is one who takes great pride in looking after the home. She is tidy and organised, and is often a brilliant cook (whether she is a natural or had be to taught, she still enjoys it). There is nothing more satisfying for her than welcoming the dominant into his tidy, warm home after a day's work, with dinner about to be served.

Pleasure slave / sub - is the type most heard about when reading online journals. This is the type many submissives strive towards. A pleasure slave understands that her reason for being is to please the Master in all things sexual. Ideally, a pleasure slave will never be fully satisfied, so that she is always ready for sexual use or service. The slave has no say in when, where, nor who with; this is all up to the Master, who also has the responsibility to make sure the slave's safety is not compromised.

*looking over the above recipie* yes, i'd say a dash of this, a smidgeon of that, etc. I don't believe gem was trying to place labels on anyone as we are all a mixture of many things. It was fun to look through the "types" and see which ones applied to me.

i will say that the *brat* portion is definately a 'dash' item in my own defense *smiles innocently*.

[gemmy]

*looking over the above recipie* yes, i'd say a dash of this, a smidgeon of that, etc. I don't believe gem was trying to place labels on anyone as we are all a mixture of many things. It was fun to look through the "types" and see which ones applied to me.

i will say that the *brat* portion is definately a 'dash' item in my own defense *smiles innocently*.

and now why don't I trust that smile hehe