Looking to learn

[cleo1]

Hi there...I can't believe I am writing in this forum. I am a 44 year old house wife just trying to keep my hubby attention. And I need some help. I am really reeeeealy new to the bdsm. I lived with my husband for 5 years before we got married 3.5 years ago. We have not had sex since the first 6 month that we had lived with each other. Stupid me thought that it was because of his age. He is 17 years older than me. Sooooo I have gone 7 years without sex. We even started sleeping in differant rooms. About 2 weeks ago I found something on our pc that he forgot to delete. A picture of a women he had been talking to on a chatline. Anyway to make along story short......he was in the process of flying her in to screw around with. Needless to say I went crazy. And that is an understatement. I filed for a divorce. 7 years of thinking he couldn't perform?????? Any way during one of my "feel sorry for me" talks I found out a whole lot of his "NEEDS". I love him enough to try anything if it turns him on. But I know nottu about this. So I am here to ....learn and explore I guess you could say. So pleeeeeease don't laugh if I ask stupid questions. And wish me luck.....................Cleo1

[maddie]

Cleo1, there's no such thing as a stupid question. Well, maybe there is, but I'm sure you won't be asking any.

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened and I hope that you land on your feet soon. Good luck.

[davesmistress]

And I do not believe that ANYONE at this site would laugh at you or the situation.

These people here are very friendly and very helpful...just ask and they will direct you to the help you seek.

[MsUther]

Welcome to the forum Cleo1. I hope you will find some answers here and as stated already; just ask.
Im so sorry you had to find out like that. He could have had the decency to tell you.
Hopefully you will enjoy the forum for your own sake also.

[subdude05]

Welcome, I hope our site has answers for you, im sure it does, even so there are plenty of places to ask around, good luck and have fun

[MrDom]

welcome and ask away we all are glad to answer any questions you may have.

MrDom

[Tojo]

Hi & welcome cleo. Don't worry about asking stupid questions, you wouldn't be the first.
Sorry to hear about your hubby. Hope he's worth it.....

You take a deep breath & relax- we'll answer any questions you have, whether kinky or relationship wise.


Tojo

[arwcuw]

It's sad how many relationships are ruined (or come close to it) because of not enough communication. People should always be able to talk to their spouses about their needs, no matter how strange- especially if they'd otherwise end up sneaking around like that.

I hope you're able to work through this. Not sure how much help I'll be though.

[Silke]

Hiya cleo1 and to our cosy home. Please don't ever feel that asking is stupid...whatever is important enough to you to ask about certainly doesn't fall into that category. I'm sorry to hear about your story and the way you found out about your hubby's kinks. He should have told you what kept him away from you for such a long time. I'm not sure I would have had the will to try and make things work again...I hope he's worth it.

That said - there are a lot of caring and knowledgable people on this board and if you decide to start your journey into the kinky world, you'll have friends to help you along. Good luck and ask away!

[Aesop]

Hello cleo. No one on this forum is going to laugh or think you're stupid. We're mostly a good bunch of folks and I have to say lately more like a family than anything else and this family is always ready to welcome someone to the fold. So ask away and good luck to you.

[Warbaby1943]

Hi Cleo1 and welcome. There are no stupid questions especially when they affect one's life so seriously. So ask away.

[submissivewife]

Hope you enjoy yourself here. Please ask all the questions you want, that's what this forum is here for....

[Aussiegirl1]

Welcome Cleo, I hope you find what you need or at least a way of easing some of your worries here.

[cleo1]

Thanks everybody for being so sweet and making feel not so embarrassed.

I told you guys my problem so now let me tell you a little about myself so you it might be a little easier to answer my questions or give me some advise (that is if you don't mind). You are probley thinking....you have a real bimbo here.

About a year after filing for a legal seperation from my 1st husband of 20 years.....I met my current husband and fell head over heels for him. After about 2 month of us seeing each other he got in an all fired hurry for me to get a divorce. Soooooo stupid me files for a divorce and gives my ex EVERYTHING. I know thats dumb now...but I don't guess I was thinking with head :0). Okay.....from age 19 to 44 I have been with only to men. But I thought I was pretty worldly. My ex and I have done some heavy....lets partying. But nothing in my life has prepared me for this. I will try anything once. But I don't even know what it is I am suppose to be trying. I know he wants to be the sub. And I am thinking?????Oh this is just great I can "roll with the flow" I guess you would say as being sub. But me be the Dom??? Heeeelp!!! I don't know what I am suppose to do, where to do it, how to act or what to say. Can anybody give me some kinda idea on how to get this show on the road?? Can you buy books on this???He is wanting me to pierce his nipples!!! WITH WHAT????? I guess I am sounding like a counrty bumpkin to you guys. And I don't mean to come off that way. I just don't know anything about what he is wanting. When I ask him questions he always has to tell me what his exwife did, and says she is a pro. Well hell with her. I want to make him forget he ever had an ex "PRO".
I am okay with the dressing up. I am still in good shape for 44 years old and can still turn some heads now and then. But I don't know what happens next. Is there anybody out there that wants to be an online teacher ????? and help walk me through this???? I am a little shy about this but turned on just same. I don't think he is into anything real hard core. I think it is more being bossed around and mild pain. He said something about hot wax?? Spanking?? Being tied up to the bed??? Anyway...sorry I got carried away with this post. Anybody got any kinky suggestions to help get this started.

[wingsofanangel]

-giggles- oh you are TOO cute! Welcome!!! I suggest you start reading stories.. and look through the forums .. there are great topics.. jsut read read read!!!! and always ask questions. It is great you are willing to try this for him! .... you may really enjoy it. Just open your mind and have fun with it...

Anya

[Tojo]

Well first up Cleo, you have to want to do this.

Assuming you're a female.. You would be a Domme, not a Dom.

Secondly, you've said lots about what he wants, but what about what you want? As you say, to hell with what his first wife did- this is about you & him.

Are you happy that you're suddenly expected to know it all? Is that reasonable?

Maybe it's time to sit down & have a long talk with this eager young gentleman- you just might have a few things to work out!

It's good advice to read anything & everything as Anya said, but maybe you need to work out the dynamics first?

By that I mean what he actually wants in detail, & what you're happy with.

This is not just about his needs, you're in the relationship too. Maybe it's time to take a deep breath & sit down & think about what you want?

It could be a whole lot of fun if you do the groundwork.

Tojo

[maddie]

Let me be the first to say, "I agree with Tojo". This is never just about one person's needs, it's about the needs of all those involved. If being a Dom/me isn't for you, Cleo, then don't do it.

I would be willing to bet that your next question is, "Well, how do I know if it's for me or not?" Which would be a most excellent question. You need to do what Tojo said: take a deep breath, sit down, and think about what you want. If you think that being in control and ordering somebody around is appealing, while being responsible for their well-being as they do your bidding, then you might be interested in it.

(Side note: I feel like we ought to do a "You might be a Dom/me" thing, like Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" comedy bit.)

There's a difference between being bossy and being the type of person who can be a Dom/me. I can be pretty bossy at times and I do tend to be a control freak about some things, but I'm in no way cut out to be a Domme. I just know what I like and how I like it.

This is going to require a lot of soul searching, Cleo. Read the stories on this site. They have story codes that'll help give you an idea of what's in them and that'll give you some idea of what you're interested in. And sift through the old threads on the forums. They're quite informative.

[Tojo]

(Side note: I feel like we ought to do a "You might be a Dom/me" thing, like Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" comedy bit.)

I saw one of them on another forum actually, it was excellent. Maybe I'll blacken my face & put my camoflauge pants on. Crawl over there & see if I can snaffle it...

BTW maddie, you're on my Christmas card list now....


Tojo

[maddie]

I saw one of them on another forum actually, it was excellent. Maybe I'll blacken my face & put my camoflauge pants on. Crawl over there & see if I can snaffle it...

Yay! Thank you, Tojo!

BTW Maddie, you're on my Christmas card list now....

Woo hoo!