Irrational feelings of feeling attacked

[LeighK81]

Even though I find pain pleasurable there are times when my Master will request that I inflict pain on myself, and during those times once I get into the rhythm of it instead of continuing to take pleasure my mind goes into defense mode. Instead of concentrating on how happy I am to be pleasing my Master and how good the pain feels; I concentrate on the fact that someone wants me to hurt myself.

During that time my mind doesn't differentiate between pain that comes from a source of love and care from pain that comes from a dark place like abuse.
I know when I'm thinking logically that he doesn't cause me pain to be cruel and malicious to me, and it's not abuse.

Basically my mind thinks I'm being attacked. I don't know how to prevent myself from getting to that horrible state of mind. I don't feel that way at all outside of those times.

[denuseri]

I get simular feelings but not with pain so much as humiliation or degrading acts, though its more self focused, like omg i am such a slut i cant believe i am enjoying this whats wrong with me etc, honestly i look at it as the part of my mind that was groomed by society to think these things are wrong is rebelling angainst the other part of my my mind that knows its right for me to enjoy it

its like my old self my prim and proper vanilla side is trying to get revenge on my new chocolate self, the one thats centered in my true nature of submission,

sometimes its hard to ride the wave and other times its easy, sometimes it throws me into a sort of sub space and other times it propels me to thrive in my submission

[LeighK81]

Well my feelings of being attack stem from the fact that I was molested at a young age and in an abusive relationship. Though I do think my grooming by society also adds to the situation.

[denuseri]

we have a thread here in the submissives couch just for such things ca;;ed "abuse support for submissives" sis, give it a read sometime, i am sorry to hear yu are part of the same group of survivors that i am

[bip0lar]

uhm, i think i get what you mean LeighK81, i get similar feelings of 'attack' with things I'm told--even though humiliation turns me on completely, there are times when i feel like i'm being critisised, or told off, when i'm 'cornered' into admitting i like pain, or specific words. when i think about it logically, like you say, i know that i'm not being attacked, nor critisised [i have even ASKED if i was being told off for it and got the answer i expected to get, which was 'of course not'] but my mind thinks i am. so yeh, i don't know how to help, maybe you should talk it over with your Dom? there are situations where re-assurance is needed at the moment you get the bad feeling--it will be easier to leave you alone then.
best wishes

[ghanima{DM690}]

wow I thought i was rare, in that sometimes i get panic attacks during a session, especially when being spanked or choked...not all the time but it does bring back memories and sometimes its hard to differ the pain from pleasure and the pain from cruelity..if you work out a way for yourself let me know..ive been having trouble lately

[denuseri]

the only way i ussually deal with it is ussually afterwards by pacing and having cigarettes, rehydration, replaying through my head everything and rembering how much i love it, how much i loved pleasing him, how great and fifilling it was, eventually i get back into a mind set attuned to my submission (re-organizing priorities and re-proccessing in my head is key for me)

unless i hit subdrop then its bad for the better part of the nite, and i need help to get out sometimes, just being able to slide into bed and hold and be held after

but i am a little wierd i hate cuddeling after sex, i allways need to get up and move around a lot after, if i am gonna snuggle its much later after ive settled down