How much do your parents/family know?

[Coventina]

Do your parents or other members of your family know about your BDSM activities? If so, how did they find out? By accident? Did you tell them? Did it cause ructions? Did you eventually sort it all out or is there still a problem?

I live a block away from my mother, and my husband and I have our two girls living with us, so it took a while but I did tell my mom. She had figured a lot of it out, but it felt good to tell her so there were no more secrets. My mom is happy that my family is happy and we don't talk about details but she understands. On the other hand, I have not told my father, and don't know if I plan too. Both of my girls told their parents, one of my girl's mom is in the lifestyle so that made it really easy.

[Nixxi_Chaos]

Haha..my parents no absolutely nothing and I'd really like to keep it that way. I'm very close with them, and I've got an inkling that telling them that I fantasize about strangling pretty girls might put a bit of stress on that.
Hell, I had a hard enough time telling them I was with a girl.

[HisKitty]

I love talking about sex, so nearly all of my friends know--they really don't mind, unless they're only pretending xD Which I doubt. And one night I was a bit drunk and may have let some of these things slide to my mother and her friend, the latter of whom I've known almost my whole life. I also suck at putting things away and my sister has walked in to see ropes tied around my bedposts still and my mother was looking through my iPhone pics yesterday and I forgot I had two pics of my wearign my collar in there xD

The funny thing is, though, is that she thought the color was for some sort of asphyxiation purposes xD I reassured her that no it was not...

[HisKitty]

Wow, there are some fail typos in there >_>

*she thought the collar was for...

^Yeah, not "color" :P

[Flaming_Redhead]

Do your parents or other members of your family know about your BDSM activities? If so, how did they find out? By accident? Did you tell them? Did it cause ructions? Did you eventually sort it all out or is there still a problem?

If they don't know, would you ever consider telling them? Do you suspect they know anyway? How do you think they'd react?

My parents don't "know," but I think they suspect. After going out of town to visit Daddy for the weekend, I came home to discover that someone had been cleaning my side of the house. I had inadvertantly left my bag out that I take to the dungeon, and it was unzipped because I'd needed the alcohol to clean my navel ring. I noticed it had been moved so someone could vacuum. Plus, I have a copy of "Different Loving" lying out as well as "Story of O" and "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty." It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Ever since then, I've had to endure comments from my step-dad in reference to kinky sex and questions from my mom about how I know certain things and what kind of club I'm going to. I know that they know something, but I dodge the questions because I know that they really don't want to know, you know?

My sister and brother-in-law know because I told them as well as one of my cousins. We're like friends and discuss sex, etc. All my close friends know because we discuss sex all the time. In fact, one couple is into swinging. One couple is into kink but not D/s. One couple is into BDSM. One friend isn't into anything, but she's open minded. I have a few friends who are more like acquaintances. They don't discuss their sex life, so I don't discuss mine.

[HisKitty]

isn't it funny when parents sort of know? Lol

I went to a BDSM class at a sex store a bit ago and I live at home and Master was down for a visit so naturally my mom wanted to know where we were going... I'm pretty honest with her so I told her... She asked me what the BD stood for. When I told her she was like "that's enough!" as if to say TMI, I need to process this. :P

I also think I'd rather have her educated than not because, like I said, she thinks my collar is something to choke me, lol. That is the only thing I regret telling her, that I enjoyed a bit of erotic asphyxiation... It's not even something I do often. Probably once every few months. But she talks about it like it's my main kink >_>

[HisKitty]

isn't it funny when parents sort of know? Lol

I went to a BDSM class at a sex store a bit ago and I live at home and Master was down for a visit so naturally my mom wanted to know where we were going... I'm pretty honest with her so I told her... She asked me what the BD stood for. When I told her she was like "that's enough!" as if to say TMI, I need to process this. :P

I also think I'd rather have her educated than not because, like I said, she thinks my collar is something to choke me, lol. That is the only thing I regret telling her, that I enjoyed a bit of erotic asphyxiation... It's not even something I do often. Probably once every few months. But she talks about it like it's my main kink >_>

[SlaveChic77]

Neither my parents or my friends know anything about my being a sub and I like it that way

In real life, I hold multiple leadership roles in work and at school. I don't think it would be professional of me to let any of the people I am involved with at work or in school know about my submissive side.

As far as my friends go, I also hold a more "leader" type role around them and I like it that way, so they don't need to nor do i think they'd want to know haha.

I think the reason I'm even so submissive sexually is because I take such control over every other aspect of my life, so it's nice to not take control over one aspect.

Therefore, I like keeping this one side to me secret!

[Master_Money]

My family found out when I brought my slave at the time to a family gathering and without thinking she kneeled at my feet when there was an empty chair right next to me. They all stared at her with curiousity then looked at me with puzzlement. I didn't know what to do or say but yank her up and set her in the chair as quickly as possible. during the whole gathering I was getting questioned non-stop and surprisingly they were more interested and intrigued then judgemental. I am very fortunate to have such an understanding family. I just wish more ppls familys were just as accepting.

Master Money

[Leigh]

None of my family knows except for my brother and his wife and I regret that decision.
I should have kept it to myself but live and learn.
All of my family sees my collar but it just appears to be a necklace and thats the way we will keep it, what happens between Master and I and Sir and I is our business and really isnt up for discussion with our families. besides my family would all drop dead if they knew lol

[Bratty_Sub]

I tell my best friend almost anything and he knows that im actively seeking out my submissiveness.. although very new to it and such ive had great conversations with him on the subject and he understands and doesnt judge.
As for my family im very open with them especially with my mom. She has seen some bdsm books but i dont think shes connected the dots, if she has shes not asking and im not telling. I cherish vanilla life.. just as much as i cherish the alt life.

[Scarletbeauty]

My mom and I are pretty close, so my mom knows I am submissive, but nothing beyond that. We don't really have conversations about my sex life.=]
But she also knows I'm bisexual, and doesn't care, so, she's okay.

[bellelapine]

Both of my parents know quite well what I'm into. I don't go into the details of my sex life with Sir, but my mom and dad both know that I wear a collar, get walked on my leash, and that I ask permission of Sir for things. (Mom knows some details beyound that but mainly for the fact she asks and I don't seem to have a filter)

My inlaws I think suspect...I'm almost sure that they know, but because (while sex is open for discussion details shouldn't be shared)...they really don't want to know what their son does as long as we're healthy and happy. They live in the quiet blanketed world of ...Our son and daughter in law are strange but they're so wonderful together. It's nice to wear my collar in front of both of the families with them either outright knowing or quietly knowing without any fear of judgement. I do wish more families were like this.

[kuntslave85]

none of my family knows, but i feel like my parents should. Its like coming out of the closet or something. I feel like Im hiding from them.

[Walker_In_The_Wild]

Wonderful idea, Fetishdj!

I believe that by nature children have the same general interests as their parents - It's only natural.
Sexual interest(s), being one of the most primal, is bound to be at least based upon predefined "settings".

That's not to say that there will not be differences based upon life experiences, but that's just my two cents.
-

However, mine do not know. I don't think I'd ever have a reason to tell them anyway.

-Vic

[hopperboo]

I would never tell my parents about any kind of sexual things in my life. Ew.

I would never consider telling then anything within a regular sex life let alone anything BDSM or D/s.

Even if I was more free with my personal life I wouldn't tell them because it would upset them, and unlike some people I find no joy in 'being a rebel' and shoving it in someone's face that I can do it because I am an adult.

Which is actually a reason I got dumped by a guy late last year. He didn't like that I didn't tell my parents about my belly ring because he thought I should tell them, flaunt it and say, "so there."

[bip0lar]

Uhm, I'll share, because in hindsight it's kinda funny--although that moment it was horrific....

So, sex and sex-related subjects have always been open in this household, my mum being the hippy-feminist she is has always promoted this openness--although my brothers did have some second thoughts about it when I got my first pack of condoms as a Christmas present [haehaehaeh].
I had this large red folder filled with BDSM related sex stories, some written by me, some printed out from several sites. I was packing to leave for the UK for studies, so all my things were piled up in my room in order to get into my suitcase.
Long story short, I forgot the large red folder. I realised my mistake shortly after I arrived at Uni and emailed my mother informing her that I kinda needed that large red folder. Unfortunately....She opened it. *giggles* She called me, and i heard quite a mortified voice on the other end of the line, asking me whether these 'scenaaarios', as she put them, where what I wanted her to send me. My heart started beating 10 times faster thinking 'This is it. You're getting disowned now!' But no, I answered in the most calm voice i could manage 'yes, mum, that's what i forgot.'
If that wasn't enough, my brother called me a couple of hours later laughing his bleeding arse off: "MUM FOUND YOUR SEX STORIES", he said. "THIS IS EPIC!" I held back and didn't send him to hell, what with him helping me pay the rent and all, but i think he figured out i was embarassed out of my wits for this, so he added 'Don't you dare worry about it. If mum knew what kind of perverse things D. [our other brother] and i are into, we'd have been disowned long before you'.

My mum never asked questions about those 'scenarios', although she did send me a couple of books and a long long letter that kinda blamed herself for my tastes. I took it up with her and discussed the issue, telling her that it's nobody's 'fault' as i don't consider it something wrong. I did do the right thing and calmed her down [although i had to use a smaall amount of lying] by telling her that 'hey, i'm still 18, maybe it's just a phase!' [YES, i pulled that one off, although i doubt she believed me...]
So yup, she agreed that there's nothing wrong about it, told me to be extra careful and enjoy myself.

and all in all i'm happy i told her. and i'm glad i've got an understanding family [even though a bit creepy at times heahehe]

[hopperboo]

Uhm, I'll share, because in hindsight it's kinda funny--although that moment it was horrific....

So, sex and sex-related subjects have always been open in this household, my mum being the hippy-feminist she is has always promoted this openness--although my brothers did have some second thoughts about it when I got my first pack of condoms as a Christmas present [haehaehaeh].
I had this large red folder filled with BDSM related sex stories, some written by me, some printed out from several sites. I was packing to leave for the UK for studies, so all my things were piled up in my room in order to get into my suitcase.
Long story short, I forgot the large red folder. I realised my mistake shortly after I arrived at Uni and emailed my mother informing her that I kinda needed that large red folder. Unfortunately....She opened it. *giggles* She called me, and i heard quite a mortified voice on the other end of the line, asking me whether these 'scenaaarios', as she put them, where what I wanted her to send me. My heart started beating 10 times faster thinking 'This is it. You're getting disowned now!' But no, I answered in the most calm voice i could manage 'yes, mum, that's what i forgot.'
If that wasn't enough, my brother called me a couple of hours later laughing his bleeding arse off: "MUM FOUND YOUR SEX STORIES", he said. "THIS IS EPIC!" I held back and didn't send him to hell, what with him helping me pay the rent and all, but i think he figured out i was embarassed out of my wits for this, so he added 'Don't you dare worry about it. If mum knew what kind of perverse things D. [our other brother] and i are into, we'd have been disowned long before you'.

My mum never asked questions about those 'scenarios', although she did send me a couple of books and a long long letter that kinda blamed herself for my tastes. I took it up with her and discussed the issue, telling her that it's nobody's 'fault' as i don't consider it something wrong. I did do the right thing and calmed her down [although i had to use a smaall amount of lying] by telling her that 'hey, i'm still 18, maybe it's just a phase!' [YES, i pulled that one off, although i doubt she believed me...]
So yup, she agreed that there's nothing wrong about it, told me to be extra careful and enjoy myself.

and all in all i'm happy i told her. and i'm glad i've got an understanding family [even though a bit creepy at times heahehe]

Oh no! LOL.

[Emerson]

I'm in a similar boat to many people here. My parents don't know, but it's entirely possible they suspect something. They'd never confront me about it, because I don't think they consider it their business, and if they did find out I don't think it would bother them. Nevertheless, I'm not volunteering information.

On the other hand, my best friend and former college roommate does know (hard to keep it from him). He has asked me for advice a couple times, and while I still think he's not fully comfortable with the whole thing - especially since he knew me and my girlfriend for a long time before he found out we were into bdsm - he's an openminded kind of guy.

My other friends from college (I graduated earlier this year) never knew - as far as I'm aware - but could be frustrating because of their negative view of bdsm. Sex was a common topic in our conversations, and innuendo was rampant, but bdsm was treated with a kind of off-hand dismissal and a general attitude of disgust. On reflection, this was probably the result of some kind of Freudian repression (indeed, when we read Freud the anti-bdsm sentiment was more palpable), since many of my friends struck me as natural doms or subs, but at the time it was somewhat frustrating. My own tendency to subtly stir the pot didn't help much, whether through innuendo of my own, or taking my girlfriend to a field day before releasing her from submission once (that was a party...).

But through it all there was never much of a conversation, which was too bad. The taboo surrounding bdsm is, to me, a strange but inevitable outcome of the currently conflicted national (and perhaps international, but I wouldn't really know) attitude towards sex. To some, sex is an open field, conversation is encouraged, and knowledge is shared, but to others it remains the realm of dirty jokes and secret lusts. There ought to be room for honesty - without any unnecessarily explicit details - but too often the old mental habits that pigeon-hole certain people and lifestyles (bdsm = abuse) are much stronger than even a willful, educated person can overcome. Combine that with a healthy dose of respression* and you have a culture of intense taboo.

*True story: A ostensibly vanilla friend of mine, in an otherwise vanilla conversation about relationships, blurts out this: "Watch out if he brings out the ropes and whips on the first date!"

Anyway, sorry to rant and rave a little. It's just fascinating to me how many of the people here - who are so open with each other despite being, in many cases, complete strangers - are secretive about their bdsm lives to the people they actually know (myself included).

[subserviant]

my partner knows i luv pain but she's so vanilla that we dont talk about it much ,but we have an understanding when we make love she does things to me that i crave wish it were more but oh well

[Remia]

I keep a great many things secret from my loved ones. To be honest, I'm not sure which would be scarier to tell them - that I'm transgendered, or that I fantasize about being someone's pet/slave XD I know that they would still *love* me, but I severely doubt that they would *understand* me. As nice as it would be to have it out in the open, I'm afraid of isolating myself from the people in my life, and I suppose they really don't have to know this kind of thing about me, really ^^''''

[Silkslostswitch]

My family knows nothing about this side of me. i have told a couple of really good friends, but only because i had a bad bruise i couldn't explain and they kept pushing me till i told them. they were quite shocked, but have come around. i would never tell me family about any of this ever. they would be very judgementel.

[littlepet]

My closest friends know. My brother actually knows. (We've got one of those, could tell each other literally anything, kind of relationships. This does not mean I discuss details of sexual activity with him, I do not. But...he knows that I am collared/owned.) My parents do not know but I am fairly certain that my mother suspects.

ANYONE who has ever been anywhere in public with my master and I, most likely "suspect" that "something" freaky-deaky is going on, even if they can't quite put their finger on it. There are undercurrents to just about everything, and this is why my close friends know, because it's just not one of those things that people can remain that ignorant about if they are close to us at all.

Now, obviously they don't know our exact bedroom activities, and they don't know the depth of the ownership issue, they just know that he is the "boss" of the relationship and I do what he says. I've had more than one feminazi try to "rescue" me from my "horrible" situation, which I find endlessly amusing. I like to toy with them. :P

[fellintobed]

Neither of my parents knows anything about my sex life, other than I have sex. I figure it works both ways - I don't want or need to know about their sex life, and vice versa.

If they hypothetically found out... my father wouldn't give a sh!t. He's always been very much the "do whatever you want" sort of parent, incredibly accepting and permissive. I can picture him asking a few questions about it, like how many people I've played with, how long I've been doing it - basic stuff. My mother would flip out, and I'd have to explain in gentle and thorough detail that her precious daughter is doing this stuff voluntarily and safely. And then I'd have a stiff drink. She accepts that I'm my own person and lead my own life, but that doesn't stop her from being shocked at what she perceives as my "out there" choices - like being tattooed and pierced. (Hooooo boy, the tattoo conversation was a tough one!)

My best friend knows, and she's even more into the scene than I am, so she's totally accepting and encouraging. Another friend knows because we're open about our kinks with each other - I don't think he quite 'gets' it, but then I don't 'get' his anal sex kink, so there you go. My ex-roommate knows because he saw the ropes. As far as I'm aware, that's it.

[yummysubmummy]

Hmm neither my parents or brother or any of our friends know and I'd like to keep it that way! But in recent weeks (whilst lurking in bdsm library) I have suddenly realised that when I was young (about 11) I read a book that was on my parents' bookshelf called something slave of Gor?! About some young man who was abducted to another planet...and I remember reading about the slave girls and being strangely aroused. My brother read it too (we always got into trouble together) but whilst I read the slave girl scenes over and over, he read the fighting scenes.

Now I am wondering...what was that book doing on my parents' shelf???

[fetishdj]

Because a lot of people read Gor - even vanillas. I was aware of John Norman long before I was aware of BDSM because they are in the library on the same shelf as the conan books which I read at a very young age (and also have a bit of BDSM in them).

Though if the book is next to the bed and not, for example, on a shelf in the living room then it could indicate that they used it as a sex aid. Ok, the book that I am currently reading often ends up lying next to the bed but the only books that stay on the bedside cabinet all the time are the ones with erotic fiction in them...

[yummysubmummy]

fetishdj it was in my parents' bedroom along with all the other books/videos (no DVDs back then!) that were 'unsuitable' for the bookshelf in the lounge room. Of course that just made that shelf the target of our childhood curiosity! Neither of us would probably have looked at it if it had been on the same shelf as all the history books