When did you know?

[desdemona]

I am always fascinated by the stories of how people knew or discovered that they were a submissive. Anyone care to share?

In my case, I sort of always knew. When I was as young as four or five, I'd con friends into playing games that involved spankings or being tied up. I remember once I was at a friend's house and they wanted to play "doctor"...I managed to finagle my way into being the patient every single turn so they could examine me. I fantasized aboutbeing dominated and controlled--and especially about being spanked--for most of my childhood. When I was fifteen or sixteen I stumbled across a hardcore bdsm story on writing.com, and was fascinated, repulsed, and aroused by what I'd read. I started doing research and reading more and learning more and five years later, here I am. Still reading and learning, only now it's legal for me to do so. lol.

Sorry if there's already a thread like this. I didn't see one on the first or second pages. :-/

[hopperboo]

I am always fascinated by the stories of how people knew or discovered that they were a submissive. Anyone care to share?

In my case, I sort of always knew. When I was as young as four or five, I'd con friends into playing games that involved spankings or being tied up. I remember once I was at a friend's house and they wanted to play "doctor"...I managed to finagle my way into being the patient every single turn so they could examine me. I fantasized aboutbeing dominated and controlled--and especially about being spanked--for most of my childhood. When I was fifteen or sixteen I stumbled across a hardcore bdsm story on writing.com, and was fascinated, repulsed, and aroused by what I'd read. I started doing research and reading more and learning more and five years later, here I am. Still reading and learning, only now it's legal for me to do so. lol.

Sorry if there's already a thread like this. I didn't see one on the first or second pages. :-/

It makes me very uncomfortable when people talk about their childhood and sexual fantasies in the same sentence.

It's the one thing I would care never to hear about within all the BDSM topics.

That's just a personal issue with me though. It's highly disturbing to me.

[desdemona]

Oh. Okay, i'm really sorry. I didn't realize.

[hopperboo]

Well I don't know how others feel, that is just my personal feeling.

[Granite_II]

Hopperboo,

Usually when someone writes something highly disturbing to me I skip it and move on. For instance when you next write something that is highly disturbing to me, you will never hear from me, because I will have moved on.

Regards,

G

[Granite_II]

des,

I just wanted to tell you I found nothing at all about what your wrote to be objectionable. In fact, it is interesting to read about other's histories and about the road that has led them to where they are today.

Nice post.

Regards,

G

[good_girl]

desdemona, I didn't see anything disturbing there either, there are so many people here it is impossible to make everyone happy, I do hope you will continue to write.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=16077

here is a thread you might be interested in, also they are starting a blog section but it's not quite up and running yet, soon I hope.

[BorderCollie]

Ditto! Freedom of speech, it's not an attack.

[crazy_grrluk]

most people when they think back to when they knew it takes them back to childhood but it normally isnt until they are much older that they know what it is. take the games cops and robbers or cowboys and indians etc and if u prefered to be the indian cos u liked to get caught and tied up LMAO.

i cant remember when I knew.. i have always known that i was different. and wasnt until about 15 years ago that i actually discovered what it was... and more shocking was that i was finally comfy and "at home" with myself

[shayna{L_D}]

I think i have always been submissive, but not in a sexually way. If there was a party or get together id always be the one to ask if anyone needed anything, hand out drinks, see if everyone was doing okay needed anything, wanting something. People would think i was a carpet for people to walk on, and yes people did use me like that sometimes, but its in my nature to make sure everyone is happy..

when i knew i was sexual was when my girlfriend (im bisexual) at the time, was in bed with me and was like 'lets tie you up!' i was like 'no way youll kill me!' (i have trust issues? lol ) and shes like 'no we can tie you up just your hands and your legs will be free so u can kick me if u need to' i was like 'okay ill try anything once' since then i was hooked. I looked online for that all that was about and found out it was bondage, and ive been loving it ever since.. now i just need to find someone who wants the same thing....-looks around- harder then it sounds..

[hopperboo]

I think i have always been submissive, but not in a sexually way. If there was a party or get together id always be the one to ask if anyone needed anything, hand out drinks, see if everyone was doing okay needed anything, wanting something. People would think i was a carpet for people to walk on, and yes people did use me like that sometimes, but its in my nature to make sure everyone is happy.

Same thing for me, and a wonderful way of putting it. Great post!

[Shwenn]

Look, the fact of the matter is, children are sexual. Freud went on at length about the sexuality of children. A child's sexuality is a very natural, very healthy, very well documented thing. From admitting children are sexual to permissiveness of being sexual with children is a quantum leap. The one does not follow from the other.

A child's sexuality is not a mature sexuality. If a little girl gets a crush on a little boy, the most she probably thinks about is holding hands. But you can glean from this that, as an adult, her preference will be to fuck men and not women. It's a budding sexuality, that desire to hold hands.

But a child's sexuality can be far more overt than that. A parent's inablitly to deal with that is what makes people sexually repressed as adults. The child will think their sexuality is shameful. Or, they may try to hide it and end up exploring their sexuality in very dangerous ways.

I just don't think there is anything productive or positive about trying to force everybody to be quiet because you are out there watching the conversation with white knuckles.

If you have some deep, personal issue with this topic, you should take Granite_II's advice and stay out of it.

And, yes, I invented a childhood game called 'torture chamber'. It was always my first pick of what we should play. I wonder sometimes if those kids I grew up with think back on that and wonder if I'm into BDSM, now.

[hopperboo]

I said it was my personal feeling on the subject. Why bother having a forum to discuss things if everyone agrees on every topic? I find that idea quite asinine. I thought I shared my opinion in a way that showed it was just 'my opinion' and if I offended anyone with the way in which I answered the post then I am sorry. However my basic belief stands.

(If indeed [we] are supposed to agree on every topic then I have not gotten the memo nor read it in the rules. If by chance it IS the way it's supposed to be here, of course I will come apologize to the thread's multiple posters as soon as I get a PM from an/a admin/moderator that we are all supposed to agree on subjects and not to share my opinion if it crosses another's).

I only wonder how healthy it is that adults discuss their childhood in a sexual manner. It's my opinion, I thought I shared it as an opinion.

[thepast]

Opinions, hopperboo, are like assholes: everyone has one and none are the same... just as you are entitled to your opinion about "When did you know?" all others are as well, whether they disagree with you or not... If you don't wish to have discussion in this thread about this topic, then don't post in this thread Otherwise, you become, like everyone else who posts, fair game to reply to... If ya don't want to read about this topic, it's simple... just don't read the thread!


Anyone may talk about their childhood, as long as there is NO discussion of sexual acts with a minor, including themselves as a minor. Short of that, enjoy...

Look forward to hearing more opinions...

[ash_DREAMING]

This girl has always been the submissive type, and has always liked to roleplay. As a child this girl was very imaginative and made up elaborate "imagine this" games with her friends, and pretending to be someone she was not! When this girl was first introduced to anime, she discovered the BDSM culture, and this girl has been hooked ever since! This girl also found herself in games of cops and robbers and the like as a child, where she would be tied up if caught. This girl has also come into the habit of referring to herself in the third person when not in a "vanilla" setting. This girl hasn't noticed any others here do this, however. Desdemona, this girl is also interested in sharing her story and hearing the stories of others!

[desdemona]

lol Shwenn, I bet my friends from when I was young probably wonder the same thing. =)

And thank you, ash_DREAMING. I find it so interesting that you refer to yourself in the third person...why do you do this?

[ash_DREAMING]

And thank you, ash_DREAMING. I find it so interesting that you refer to yourself in the third person...why do you do this?

This girl does it in preparation, maybe, for when she finally finds her Mistress. She isn't sure, though, exactly. Whatever the case, it feels right to this girl!! It makes her feel more in-tune with her submissive side and gives her a sense of self. She isn't sure why.

[ChainsOfGonzo]

It was sort of strange for me. I've always been a very dominant, abrasive person. One would think I'd have turned out to be Dominant.

But when I began to be sexually aware, I didn't fantasize about dominating others, as I do in the rest of my life. I fantasized about being dominated.

As I became sexually active, I kind of did the same thing. I always dated really vanilla people, but I would try to sort of nudge them into tying my up or otherwise "holding the reigns." It didn't usually work. I found myself "topping from the bottom."

A very good friend of mine and I had a sexual relationship for a while, and that was the first time I properly acted in a submissive way, but even then I didn't realize it. I didn't call him my master, and I was not his submissive. I was just always the one being held down or tied, or having a (very dull) knife raked across my skin.

But even by this point (17, 18) I still didn't think of myself as submissive, because it didn't make sense. How could someone so dominant be submissive?

And then I met my Master.

He had some experience with BDSM, both as a Dom and a sub, but tended strongly on the Dom side. I picked up on it the first night we were together, and from there out, it just fell into place. It seemed so natural and so instant. Click.

Most people would think it strange that someone like me, someone so dominant and independent and devoted to my unfettered freedom, would be submissive. But it sort of makes sense to me. I am an all-or-nothing kind of person, and anyone who can earn ALL of my respect is entitled to everything I have to give. I trust him with everything, from my life to the inner sanctum of my mind. And in return, he guards that very carefully.

It's freeing to not have to be the strong pillar of mental/emotional stone that I am in most of my life. While I enjoy managing things and am good at wielding that sort of power, it is even more satisfying to be able to let it go.

[angelic.zest]

as long as i can remember ive always had submissive tendenies. Never really had the chance to act on them, even tho i started with sex at an early age, just never found anyone who was into the samethings as i was at that time. Ive always let a man take control during sex, while i was younger and now. So i guess ive always been submissive, just that now im alot more in tune with my body so i can tell him that i want him to dominant/top me.
Now im older, alittle wiser and kinda have a grip on what i like and what i dont. So within the last year and half i can say ive noticed that i liked the idea of being Dominated and wanting someone to dominante me, while in a sexual scene.

[milflover21]

I have to say that I find that submissive tendencies are a very difficult topic for anyone to discuss outside of forums such as this (which is one reason I like it so much), particularly for men - although some may disagree with that last part. The difficulty is increased by the fact that I have a job which is by no means submissive. Quite the opposite in fact. This may be one of the reasons why I want a complete change when I am outside work. It was so nice to read all of your posts on this thread and know that I am not alone in all of this. I have signed up to be a taskee on this site and have today undertaken the first of the tasks. It has been an absolute revelation to me. I can hardly contain my excitement and enthusiasm. My one regret is that none of my friends would understand and I cannot share my experience with them. This site may be the only place that i can do that. So, thank you all. I really mean that

[Flaming_Redhead]

I've always had a submissive personality, although strong willed. *glances around at sounds of scoffing* Really! I swear! *nods emphatically* I was picked on as a child partly because of my small size and partly because, I believe, they sensed easy prey. I would go out of my way to avoid confrontations. When I started dating, I was agreeable to doing whatever my boyfriend wanted. However, as I got older, I became less willing to compromise. I became a person who wasn't afraid to make demands. Woe be unto those who failed and earned my terrible wrath! Mwahahahahahahaha! It wasn't until after my divorce 2 years ago when I was referred to this site by a fellow chatter on MSN that I began putting 2 and 2 together and getting the right answer.

[LucitaKerr]

It feels great to know that there are people who have looked back on their childhood and had similar experiences. Reading these topics has really helped me to understand that part of my fascination is in how I'm hardwired as well as social conditioning.

As for me, I'm only eighteen and not very experienced, but I found an interest in the lifestyle developing around age 15. Looking back, however, I too was always playing games that suggested my nature.

While I grew up wanting to be successful in the workplace, I knew that traditional gender roles - linked to control - ought to apply at home, or at least, in the bedroom. I recall playing games in the bath tub with my younger sister, pretending to be evil women, torturing each other. We would put the water in cups, different temperatures, and poor it on different parts of our body. The anticipation and the fear, in hindsight, aroused me greatly.

I also played games where I would be tied up to poles, and left alone. Games where I would be hit and spanked. The idea of humiliation, rising from the ashes, and eventual defiance, has always been a part of my self identity.

I suppose some might find that disturbing - though probably not nearly as unnerving as I felt it was when I first made those connections. Still, I'm slowly but surely coming to terms with it. I feel like it makes it so much easier knowing other people came to these realizations also.

Thanks for creating the topic,
Lucita Michelle Kerr

[Arria]

I think personality straits and fantasies were with me from early childhood, although I did not realize them as sexual back then. They simply gave me pleasure/made my mind happy.

When playing Cowboys & Indians, I liked to be caught (the being caught part is VERY important with me *lol*), tied to the pole, and "tortured/examined".
I was very good with withstanding the examinations, but I did not keep resisting in order to keep the information/my friends safe, but in order to keep the punishments going...

I was on more than one occasion told off when playing hide & seek, as I enjoyed being caught too much, and did not bother to hide properly...

As a teenager, I did not fantasize about some actor coming to my home on a white horse, but about a gang of biker brutes hunting me down... I did not even give much attention to any sexual detail, the thrill with me was mainly in getting caught.

When I came of age and my fantasies got more sexual, it was usually rough in some way. Quite rough, even. I pretended to share the softie walk-on-the-beach-at-sunset fantasies of my female friends, but nah, they so did nothing for me...

I thought myself weird/odd/sick until at age 19 my then-tattooist brought me in contact with a submissive/masochistic lady, with whom I spent much time talking... since then, I got comfortable with myself; especially since I realized I am not the only one like that. *G*

[romanticx]

im an 18 year old student who is on here not looking for a relationship of any kind but looking for some awnsers to my own sexuality. i come from a very liberal minded family but have still always felt the need to hide the submissive part of my personality. i think i knew quite young as well that i didnt entirely want a 'normal' relationship, and i knew in my early teens about bdsm and looked at a lot of porn, i sort of fell into the 'slutty' group a school becouse they had an easyer time accepting difference. im at a point know where im beinging to consider my options and neither of them appeal to me greatly, to hide these feelings and hope that nobody realises, which i know doesnt work becouse flings ive had have realised what am and weve tried various light things but then id sneak off in the middle of the night and never speak to them again, or entering into this world that honestly freaks me out. im in control of everything in my life and dont find the reality of possibly loosing control outside of the relms of sex and sessions appealing. this probably should have gone to another link but im very interested in how other people realised their own sexuality

[moonlitsub]

I remember when I was young like 5 or so being made fun of (in a childhood way) but I didn't care it was normal but for some reason it caught into me and stuck maybe the feeling was already there waiting for the thought to spring forth the tree of desire but they called me vampire boy as I do have sharp canines and they are slightly longer then my other teeth. Well I don't know when it was but I started realizing I enjoyed the feeling of when I bit my tongue especially that slightly salty metalic taste from biting too hard. This and a few other thoughts I had when I was younger where the beginging. As I got older it was hard though I grew up in the suburbs outside DC and most of the BDSM was in DC I didn't ever have a car till my senior year and was too scared to sneek out all the way there. It wasn't till I went to school in Vermont the following year did I find a alternative book store and the owner was dominant I sat down with her ever Sunday and talked tried to find out if I was really as messed up in the head as everyone else had been saying. Also in my teen years I discovered self cutting though sometimes it was sexual other times it was from depression but know I know the difference and enjoy it all that much better.

[bip0lar]

hehehe, i think i enjoy sharing in this couch, it's cosy....
A memory I have carved in my mind is when i was about 6 or 7, we used to live in a house that had a massive garden. I used to go to the garden, next to the flowers and what-nots and 'fantasise' about being abducted, taken away. Hey, ok, i know, 'you pervert!', but it took me to my happy place, I was calm.
In my early early teens I 'made up' a game i played with several friends i had, all boys. It consisted of a belt and the rules were that the boys would choose one of them vs. me, the belt would be in the middle of the room and whoever got the belt first could spank the other person. Needless to say I always lost...on purpose...

In any case, I always knew, deep down. But I was only like that with boys I liked. I wasn't [and still am not] submissive around all males, but there's some men [and sometimes women] that give me that bubbly feeling that will get me blushing in no time, even if they just asked me for a cup of coffee.
*sighs*

and please don't tell me i'm a pervert! at least not in a critisising tone!

[denuseri]

bipolar: hugs you wonderful pervert you

only when i look back with lots of hindsight do i realize i was kinda young too when i probably started thinking about it uncounsiously, consciously it wasnt until highschool that i was aware that i was kinda the "bottom" with my best friend she was "pushy" and insistant, i do things her way, so i did, even some of the things that i would have never done on my own without prompting, i didnt know for sure until after several years and leaving the lifestyle behind for a time what my true nature really was

[BrightFyrefly]

I discovered early that I was a highly sexual, but I didn't know that my fantasies of being abducted would lead to this lifestyle. I also dated many vanilla people, all who were more passive than I was. Having done that, it was very hard to try to convince them to tie me up, or be forceful with me, or anything. I always was the one in control. It was about then that I (finally) realized that I didn't want someone passive who wouldn't control me. I wanted someone who would take me in hand and control...well, almost every aspect of my life. I am not a slave, but I give my Dom a lot of control because I don't want it.

[Little_Kitty]

My lover snapped a chocolate bar in half by slapping it on my ass. Felt too good. Since then I've delved deeper into bdsm and enjoyed pretty much all of it ^^
But the control part grew out of boredom from another previous relationship. Being controlled puts a new level on everything.

[SubmissiveDoll]

My two cents here...

I'm a psych major, and being in the lifestyle, I tend to read up on everything I can find on the psych aspects.

As far as the childhood bit goes, there have been many studies over the years on the ideas and causes of fetishes. They have found that most (if not all) fetishes form before school age. They come from memories and fixations that most people can't remember in adult life. However, your subconscious remembers. A typical example is of a child who plays with his mothers shoes. Gathering them into piles and playing games with his mother matching colors with shoes. Can (not saying it will) lead to an adult hoot shoe fetish.

That is an example, not saying it WILL happen that way. A fetish is generally something that is comforting in some way due to a childhood memory that is usually inaccessible with your adult mind.

Again, just my two cents.