looking for help

[skp2bear]

Hi! I'm an older female sub in Houston who has been in an online relatioship with a Master in London, England. My mother is with me in home hospice care and I had planned on joining him upon her leaving this world. Lately Master's messages have been getting further and further apart. He just said he was busy. Now hw doesn't answer me at all. I went back to the messages from him in my inbox for memories of our meeting. Quite accidently I clicked his name and came up with his messages to anothe sub here. Both there profiles now profess there relationship. But nothing was ever said to me and I haven't been released. How can an older woman get what she finally has come to understand she loves and needs?

[sinepa2003]

you need a better master

[SubmissiveDoll]

Honestly, I'd waiting on responding here. I sorta hoped that there would be more people to chime in and be able to say things in a better way. I tend to be kinda blunt.

Basically, you don't need a Master that would treat you that way. Age shouldn't be a factor for you at all. There are people in this community in all age brackets. In any relationship, BDSM or vanilla, your family is of the utmost importance. Any Master that would ask me to choose them over my family, wouldn't be my Master.

Personally that guy sounds kinda like a shit head to me. No one should treat another person so poorly. You deserve someone who will respect you, and your wishes. At this moment you wish to spend what time you have left with your mother. You should. Once she is gone, you can't have her back. There are other men, and other Masters. But, a Master that isn't willing to take your feelings into consideration... well, really isn't worth your time.

Submissive or not, you have feelings, and they should be respected. Especially for something so huge. "I want new shoes" and "I want to spend time with my ailing mother" are VERY different requests. One can be dismissed, the other can't.

I know it's hard for you, and any break up is painful. But, you will be ok. You will find someone else, and you can still be happy. I hope all the best in the world for you.

[ashtonDs]

I have to agree with the two previous posts, you can do better than him. Just be glad you found out about it now, before you moved. It's sad and I'm sorry to say it, but that's the way I see it.

[subcat]

So sorry sweety..huggs

[skp2bear]

Thanks to sinepa2003, SubmissiveDoll, ashtonDS, and subcat. Master isn't answering any emails so this one guesses she is still owned. What does she do now? She needs a truly caring Master who will truly care for her, teach her, and nurture her.

[SubmissiveDoll]

Sweetie, only you can decide if you're still owned. Submission is a choice, you must be willing. Nothing holds you to a Master other than your choice to be held to him.

This choice is solely yours go make. It's easy for me to give you my opinion, which would be to write him off, because he doesn't deserve your submission. Again, I state... it's easy for me to say. In practice it will be much harder for you to do. But, I don't think anyone who behaves in that manner, deserves your time, let alone your submission.

If you don't want to be bound to him, it's but a choice on your part. There is no ritual, no contracts, no big to-do! Just make the choice to be free of him, and voila! you are.

[skp2bear]

Someone told me i must get him to release me.

[Polaris]

He doesn't need to release you, skp2bear. It is true that -- at least as far as I'm informed -- this is a common thing to do in BDSM relationships that ceased working out, but I always understood it more as a consensual breakup, just like when in a vanilla relationship you decide that you don't fit together anymore, and part as friends and without a lot of hard feelings. Do I believe it would be the right thing for him to do? Yes, of course. Without wanting to judge from the little I know, I find such behaviour irresponsible and harmful. Breakups are always hard, but they are incredible hard if you don't know why and are just ignored, or sent away without any reason. Been there, done that, I know how much it hurts -- and I imagine it is even harder in a D/s context.

I know that some might disagree with that, but even if we give away our power, even if we subject ourselves to the will of another -- we are by no means obliged to subject ourselves to something that is harmful to us. We need not be loyal to people who are not loyal to us. We need not love people who do not love us. We need to respect people who do not respect us. I strongly belief that if he treats you like this -- basically simply ignoring you and moving on to greener waters -- you do not have to stick around and wait for him to take an action that he is, as it seems, not prepared to take. You are free to move on, and this is what I would do in your shoes, painful as it might be. Silence can speak volumes too. And it stings. A lot.

Taking care of yourself, moving on from something somebody else has messed up does not make you less of a submissive. But his behaviour, in my humble opinion, makes him less of a master.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck and hope that things will be resolved soon! Many hugs to you.

[sayuna]

Hey there skp2bear,
some good wisdom in some of these posts. Though we've only corresponded a tiny bit, you certainly sound like a lovely person and no one deserves such awful immoral treatment. Dare to live your dreams, and don't let some third rate 'master' get in the way of that.
hugs and good luck!

[skp2bear]

A brief update SirP (pangent) has taken me on as a sub in training with the possibility of meeting should our relationship develop. Nikon has become a great mentor and will help with my development and support as he is much closer. Since this one is so very inexperienced and a bit headstrong she needs all the help she can get as this develops.

[denuseri]

I am so sorry to hear that someone has taken advantage of you.

Take your time and be safe above all else.

You have been given some very good advice, no one can own or control you. They have to earn your submission.

[xKittenx {DG}]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I have been through some relationships with online and realtime Doms who mis-treated me. It's very painful to go through. But even though I still carry the scars I have also learned so much about myself. I realize now that it is the true-love that I have for myself that keeps me strong. Never settle for anything less then what you truly deserve. Your submission is a gift, keep it safe and only give it to the Master who proves worthy xx If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me <3

-Kitten

[delish]

A quick thought on being released. It's true that the committment to submit is nothing that should be taken lightly. I think that you actually do need to be released, but here is where I stop sounding like an insane person: He released you the moment he became unworthy of your submission. Neglect and mistreatment are deal-breakers. I think of it as a covenant: As long as I stick to my part of the deal, so should He. If He does not, I have no further obligation to Him.

As with anything, this philosophy may not work for everyone. It is only how I view things.

[lucy]

I don't have anything to add, since i think you already have got a lot of very good advice.

But i very much hope you get all the support, guidance, help and understanding you deserve.

[skp2bear]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I guess it's never to late to recognize the stong needs that I have developed. Now to see if this one will ever be acceptable to another in the twilight ofher years. For those desiring to continue theirsupport please feel free to IM me.

[DiablosLittleOne]

I don't really have anything to add since everyone else has pretty much said it all. I just wanted to give you big (((HUGS))) and let you know if you need another sub shoulder to cry on you can feel free to PM me. I've been there and know how it feels. It does get better though.

[Pearlgem]

I, too, am an older woman and I never ever thought I would do anything about my growing submissive yearnings but eventually I was brave and did venture forth and I'm so glad I set myself on this journey. I have a Master now and a relationship which I cherish despite recent difficulties.
You too have been brave to take the steps you've already taken, S. You seem to have good people looking out for you. If I've learned anything it's to learn, grow and be true to yourself. Value yourself and this wonderful gift you will one day give to the right man. I am convinced you will be just perfect for someone well worth your devotion.
Take care x x

[blythe spirit]

You're well rid of the gutless swine, without balls. What he did was wrong, deceitful and hurtful. It amazes me that anyone with a prick can call themselves Master/Dominant and still be so weak that they can't even do the noble thing. He took the coward's way out, as I've learned lots of them do.

Every happiness to you in your new relationship(s).

[skp2bear]

The new relationship didn't last long. Sir P said it wasn't my fault but he didn't have time to train me properly. oh well back to the drawing boards. There's got to be a master out there somewhere who will find a very special sub waiting for him.

[jeanne]

The new relationship didn't last long. Sir P said it wasn't my fault but he didn't have time to train me properly. oh well back to the drawing boards. There's got to be a master out there somewhere who will find a very special sub waiting for him.

There is. You just wait and see.

[angelic.zest]

I totally agree with what everyone here has said....i went through something simular...

i was speaking with a Dominant over in the Uk and we never played but talked most of the time online. So i become abit attached and really did like it, didnt see myself getting played(or whatever he thought) but he ended up..allowing the female to post "their union" in the thread for introduction...but i guess he thought i wouldnt be online, and it was a slap to the face because he made a big stick about his "Horses being spooked over a race car" but it wasnt it was him not being man enough to tel lhim he was talking with someone while he was talking with me...

plus it turns out that, she's in the usa same as as i am, and on the same coast so it wasnt like this young lady was in the Uk with him.(guess u can see abit of bitterness here LOL)..anyway i wished them the best, i handled myself with grace as only somsone of my quality could do, and she's a nice female may not deserve to be treated the way he's doing her but she doesnt know and she's probably better ignorant in her bliss..(sorry to say and i knwo a few might not like that but hey..thats how i see it)

but i wrote a blog about it here and another site, i expresssed myself with a few of the members here but ive stayed polite and just let him be the ass he tries to pretend he's not! anyway...i totally understand where your coming from and its almost the same sitatution as i was in, and as the others have said..be glad u arent with him, he's he's that pity to just up and leave...i was told that...at least i found out early on that he wasnt any good for me, that he was an ass...and you did the same he's no good for you andu dont need to be treated that way!!

[skp2bear]

I just read a story in the library here(sorry I can't remember the name) about a Dom/husband who gave his sub/wife a spanking when she could't talk with him. Although I have read similar settings I felt this was writer's fantasy. But lately it seems that I might just be as introspective as the wife. Perhaps with the hurricane adding in perhaps I'm too into my feelings and such a punishment might really help.

[Oak]

Hi sweetie, old or young, any sub need to be treated with respect. Hearing about your experiences really pisses me of. Mane honest Masters suffer from such jerks... I'm not especially young either. So if you not are totally scared away, let me know and we might be able to find something out. I've been into BdSm my whole adult life.

[cookiecat]

i've been in your subbie shoes & it's frustrating when you have these desires - the wish to please - and no one who will treat those desires seriously and tenderly.

but it will happen... keep your eyes wide open and most of all, stay true to your heart. don't let your, ummm, pussy (can i say that?) make you crazy. i can only speak for myself but my gosh - you can let your lusty sub-frenzy get you in all kinds of trouble...

whether you want online or real time, finding a Dom/Master is no different that finding a date! you meet, get to know each other... you wouldn't jump right in bed on a first vanilla date, right? you take time to get to know each other. you go slow. and if he is true and honest and really cares for you, he will respect you. (LOL unless you're looking for a little humiliation. but, if he cares about you, he'll do it respectfully... )

take care! cookie