How can someone "own" you?

[AndreaDawne]

Like I said I am new to this BDSM lifestyle. I have heard people say the own this person or owned by this person. How can someone own you?

[anniedoe]

To simply answer the question how can someone own you… you let them. But it is in fact the answer to the question is a much more complicated then that. The answer to your question how can someone own you varies. And that variation all depends on the personal definition of those who are owned and who do own someone. To me when someone says that their Master/Dom owns them, what they mean by it is that they have submitted themselves in such a way that they now belong to that person. They have surrender control over their mind, sprit and body to that person. And in this sense they have given ownership over themselves to their Dom/Master.

When I read your questions it also seemed like you were asking how someone can call themselves owned. How can one allow them to be owned? Now, I’m still very new to the BDSM lifestyle myself… But to answer these last two questions is trust. Almost everyone you see who say that they are owned by someone, don’t just let anyone claim ownership over them. The process takes a lot of time and more trust then almost all other relationships take. They trust their Dom/Master not to ever abuse the power they have given him/her by surrendering everything to them. And to have someone trust you so implicitly is not something they would ever want to abuse. Now, in most of the relationships you’ll see the Dom who owns a sub does not make every decision in his/hers life. Partly, because that is impractical and partly because they don’t have the desire to control their subs life in every minute aspect. But in the end they have the power to control those aspects because their sub has surrendered themselves so completely to their Dom/Master that they now own them.

[deigja]

;-) hope I´ll get this right beeing not too long into the lifestyle as well, but here are my thoughts and I´m sure someone more qualified will add his two cents;-)

This all depends on the perspective. A slave, by original definition ist something (rather than someone) that can be owned.
Slavery in the lifestyle reflects aspects of "real" slavery. It reflects the distribution of power in a relationship, it reflects the dynamic. But not all of it. Nobody is really owned in the ultimate sense as to having no right at all to direct ones own life, Nobody in the lifestyle has the right to decide over life and death of his or her slave. The biggest difference is propably that beeing a slave in the community is voluntary. Nobody can enslave you against your free will.
Still the emotional side has more aspects. Not everyone who is possessive of his or her lover is into the lifestyle or wants to really own someone...
If you are owned, this is expression of your own free will, to belong to someone, to submit to someone. It shows your commitment and your affection.
If somebody owns you, he does not only express superiority and possesiveness but also expresses responsibility for you. Beeing owned sais: I value you highly, you´re woth beeing owned.
For me beeing owned gives me a feeling of closeness. Even If I´d not call myself a slave I consider myself owned. He leaves me lots of freedoms, but if he reall want´s to decide something, then the decision is his to make - my part of the commitment. His part is to care for me, to hold me close when I need it, to punish me where he sees need ....

Now I hope that makes sense to you.
Deig

[AndreaDawne]

Thank you guys for your answers and now I understand this more clearly. And also VERY interesting!

[hopperboo]

How can someone own you?

Well my brother says he owns a lot of people in his computer game.

Or is that pown? *Sigh.*



I agree...I don't really get the idea of "owning" someone, it makes me think of slavery, and not the pleasant rose-tinted kind everyone thinks is so romantic.

Now I believe a husband and wife "own" each other in a sense. But with vows to each other and to God, not a written contract.

[SubmissiveDoll]

Well my brother says he owns a lot of people in his computer game.

Or is that pown? *Sigh.*



I agree...I don't really get the idea of "owning" someone, it makes me think of slavery, and not the pleasant rose-tinted kind everyone thinks is so romantic.

Now I believe a husband and wife "own" each other in a sense. But with vows to each other and to God, not a written contract.

Ok ok... first it's p0wn. Must use numbers to spell it. Don't ask why, we gamers are nerds and just do things that way.

Second.... a husband and wife do sign a contract. It's called a marriage license. Now, if you don't think that holds each party to some very serious standards... you might want to take a moment to look into your state law. I think you'd be surprised what they are agreeing to in the signing of that license.

Now... being owned by someone is as old as written history. And not, it's not slavery in the traditional sense. Men used to buy women from their fathers with livestock. How romantic is that!? I have the choice who I belong to. There is a comfort in being owned by someone. There is a calm and peace there. This peace can only exist with trust and love, not with just anyone who calls themselves a Master.

[hopperboo]

a husband and wife do sign a contract. It's called a marriage license.

Excuse me, then.

I was referring to an "you will sleep here, you won't go to the bathroom without asking," etc kind of contract.

[amosse85]

Ok ok... first it's p0wn. Must use numbers to spell it. Don't ask why, we gamers are nerds and just do things that way.

You're both wrong; it's "pwn."

Now that I think of it, does that make getting it on with a submissive "scoring some pwn-tang?"

[hopperboo]

You're both wrong; it's "pwn."

Now that I think of it, does that make getting it on with a submissive "scoring some pwn-tang?"

AH! Yeah, that's the way I've seen it written. My bro's T-Shirt has "pwn" written on it, I just couldn't remember how it was spelled. Yay.

[Wind_Walker25]

It is of the heart and soul!!

[Logic1]

You're both wrong; it's "pwn."

Now that I think of it, does that make getting it on with a submissive "scoring some pwn-tang?"

that is the correct way yes but some other words are spelled with numbers like
l33t or 1337 for elite or yeah elite. You can pretty much say that you 1337 somebody which means you pwn them
nerd in me is on the loose http://www.dyotron.net/leetdoll/ the l33t doll hahaha

as for the own somebody part.. yes you can but not in a legally binding way though even though there are contracts for ut. You let somebody own you and control you though.

[wind_dancer{W_W}]

hehe much in the same sense as one "owns" an object or a pet. i know that i am owned/will be owned by my Lord... i can say that i am owned as much as i physically can be while still in an online relationship, but i know that when i go to move in with my Lord He will own me completely... He will tell me when i can eat, when i can sleep, when i will fuck and suck, He will decide what i wear and when i wear it and in return i will serve Him in anyway i can because He will "provide" for me while i "provide" for Him. i do nothing but what He commands of me.... my life is His to keep, sell, take.... though i know He wont do either of the latter but i would not fight anything that He chooses to do with me. This is what i believe pure ownership is... and i am greatful for it.

lol i didnt even notice that my Lord had written on this forum before me....

[BryansGrrrl]

Mia'Cova owns me in the sense that I will have no other but him. I choose him and he chooses me.

I NEED him as I've never needed anyone else, he truly does complete a part of me that I never knew existed. I have surrendered to him as I have to no other man (or person).

Now, if he chose to tell me what to wear, what to do and say, I would obey him. But, I know this is not what he wants, he wants a partner. He doesn't want a slave.

My owning is different from Submit2Dom's but it is still being owned. There are as many different types of owning as there are different subs and Masters, I think.

[thepast]

Short answer: It's not technically possible.
Long answer: It's completely possible & occurs frequently (both through express & implied contracts).

Technically, no human can own another human. In good BDSM contracts (express contracts), you have a contract for the services of the submissive--which can be as expansive in function as ownership might seem. But it's still a contract nonetheless--it CAN be broken. How? Simple--either party breaches it. It can lead to different remedies for the non-breaching party, depending on what's written in, etc, but it's still a contract.

If you don't go the contract route & you go the "He owns me because He does" route, then you have an implied contract between you both for your services as a submissive/slave (agreed upon the material terms of the contract, etc). It still isn't "ownership" in the legal sense, but more of an exchange of services.

Now, substantively, many subs will say, "I am owned." This stems from their desire to be in an ownership--property type of relationship with their Dominant. It is more about the dynamics of the relationship then about its legal character.

Make sense?

[Flaming_Redhead]

own: (v) to have or possess as property.

When I hear someone say they are owned or own someone, I think of BDSM slavery which is voluntary. For all intents and purposes within this lifestyle, they are considered chattel.

[Svengalinoir]

First, I would like to introduce myself, I am new to the forums. I also saw a lot about pwn or p0wn which I was not really following, but I think the original question was akin to how can a person be owned. I will answer this question only from my perspective as a Dom/Master and tell you how it has manifested itself in some relationships I have been in/currently am engaged in.
1. There is no legal way to own a person, except in the sense of something like a marriage contract where both people make agreements to each other and state they will do these things for as long as they both may live etc. However this is still something that can be ended by either of the parties beginning a process to terminate the marriage, and also it is implied in marriage at least in current day that both parties enter into it equally.
2. In BDSM at least in how I have experienced it, there can be ownership, albiet it voluntary at least in theory. I have "owned" 5 women in my life as a Master, in the cases of these relationships I drafted a contract that detailed the conditions of the relationship and the sub agreed to it, and it included consequences for actions outside of the contract. (both for Master and slave/sub). Typically these consequences included some type of punishment administered by the Master to the slave that were within the control of myself as Master. Of course the bottom line is that the woman could decide at anytime that she wanted no longer to be owned and would be released. Unlike in forced slavery where a slave's only option to end servitude was to run/escape. The other aspect of this is that even though the Master may punish the woman, and in many cases control certain aspects of her comings and goings he must also be nurturing and supportive of her for a true ownership situation to last.
I have also been in several BDSM relationships where there was no ownership, in my opinion what seperated it was the contract, which is actually more of a covenant than a contract, it is something agreed upon by both parties and the sub is trusting the Dom at an even higher level.
Also, do not try to get such a covenant/contract notorized etc. There have been some Einsteins out there that have taken such a step, obviously the contract is not a legal document, but a voluntary covenant.

2.

[jeanne]

Now, substantively, many subs will say, "I am owned." This stems from their desire to be in an ownership--property type of relationship with their Dominant. It is more about the dynamics of the relationship then about its legal character.

Make sense?

Makes perfect sense. Thanks!

[leo9]

This is how I expressed it as part of a "M/s FAQ" on my first website:

How can you keep someone as a slave in this society?

Legally you can't. There is no way for someone to enter a legally binding obligation that surrenders their basic freedoms. Even the Army, which used to be the nearest thing to legalised slavery left in our society, has had to give people the freedom to leave if they find their treatment intolerable. Likewise there is no way for anyone to remove another person's basic freedoms without due process of law. On the other hand, anyone is free to choose to live as if someone else had absolute power over hir.

So it's only a game?

Football is "only a game", but millions of people shape their lives round it and a few people kill for it. Most passions seem absurd to those who don't feel them. For those of us who feel the need to serve or be served, the Owner's power and the slave's subjection are as real and as inescapable as if I really had the legal right to beat my slaves to death if they don't please me.

[Orgasm_Man]

Doms never own a sub.They invest their time and ideas in order to gain respect of their subs.In this process,they develop so much trust with their subs that they both feels a deep connection between their hearts.
After this phase of their relation,sub completly trusts her dom/master,then she do everything the dom asks....and to everybody ,my friend,it appears as if the dom owns this sub.
Hope you dont find this answer ridiculous....lol.