The importance of consistency

[jeanne]

In reading various threads and chatting with other submissives, one particular thing becomes clear to me - how important consistency is in a D/s relationship. It is a vital element of so much of what we do, and one that can wreck a budding relationship in an instant.

Communication - consistent communication. In two ways - first, show up when you say you're going to! This goes for both Dom and sub. Second, the practice of leaving a submissive hanging, waiting to hear from you, for days or weeks, simply because you can, is just wrong. It's very damaging. I can't count how many submissives I've talked to who have had this happen to them. If you're truly unable to spend time with them because of other issues, drop an email, telling them that and when you think you may have free time again. It makes a big difference, believe me.

Constraints - be consistent in what you do and don't want your submissive to do/be/say. We love the excitement of change, but don't set us up to fail by changing what we can do or say when our brains are barely functional. We hate, hate, hate failing. Hate, hate, hate not doing the correct thing, every time. Hate, hate, hate disappointing you. So if you want a radical change in how we interact with you - tell us when we're coherent, ahead of time. Please?

Commitment - be open and honest and consistent about your level of commitment. If you do not want a daily interaction with a submissive, say so! On the other side, if you expect any sub of yours to devote 6 hours of her day to you, say so! And please...no "I love you" one day and "Who are you, again?" the next. That can be crushing to a submissive, even more so than in a vanilla relationship I think.

[fetishdj]

I would also add consistency in sanctions... making sure punishment is applied for fair reasons and is appropriate to the level of crime committed.

All good points.

I think Dom/mes should model the behaviour that they wish subs to follow to a certain extent. Not the kneeling on the floor licking food out of a dog bowl/balancing a biscuit on thier nose behaviours but the simple stuff like politeness and punctuality as you mention.

[denuseri]

<<couldn't have said it better jeanne


Thank you so much for that very wise advice!!!!

[Zarine13]

jeanne, if you were here, I'd kiss you!

[Ozme52]

jeanne, if you were here, I'd kiss you!

So would I!!

She's a lucky girl... don'tya think?

[Zarine13]

So would I!!

She's a lucky girl... don'tya think?

I do think so Oz

[Ozme52]

[Dea Menrfa]

I don't know... I think those thoughts are definitely worth more than a kiss.


Hi Oz ... *waves*

[Ozme52]

Hello dea,

I'd enjoy watching my girl getting a kiss or two. (Who knows... I might get lucky.)


(but have we stolen jeanne's thread?)

[tessa]

~steering it back to jeanne's thread~

Brilliant. The three C's, jeanne-style. That look would work for anyone.

~back to kissing and stuff~

We really should have gotten a picture for you, Oz.

[tessa]

Since I'm at it...and 'cause I'm not near as nice as jeanne...

While it is about consistency, it's also about having a modicum of respect for another's feelings. That's obviously above the level at which some useless beings operate.

Oh, and here's a thought. If there are those people who have ever been inconsistent in any of the ways mentioned, and have done so intentionally because of their inability to nut up and deal with the matter in a mature and direct way, and furthermore, intend to be inconsistent in the future due to such feebleness, then how about they stop using the term "Dominant". Seriously.

[SauvagePouline]

and enforcement of rules -nods- don't punish me for not doing X today, but ignore it tomorrow, and then not even mention when i do do it again, and ... If something is bad, it is always bad. And needs to be treated as such.


awesome thread jeanne

[DowntownAmber]

If there are those people who have ever been inconsistent in any of the ways mentioned, and have done so intentionally because of their inability to nut up and deal with the matter in a mature and direct way, and furthermore, intend to be inconsistent in the future due to such feebleness, then how about they stop using the term "Dominant". Seriously.

Or stop using the term "submissive." If you're intentionally being inconsistent, intentionally avoiding dealing with a matter, and intend to continue on that path then it doesn't matter if you're a Dom/me or sub, you're being dishonest.

Everyone is allowed to feel their way through new territory and to figure out boundaries and what works for them and their partner, however, once you throw the word "intentional" in there, inconsistency begins to reek of simple dishonesty.

[jeanne]

Since I'm at it...and 'cause I'm not near as nice as jeanne...

While it is about consistency, it's also about having a modicum of respect for another's feelings. That's obviously above the level at which some useless beings operate.

Oh, and here's a thought. If there are those people who have ever been inconsistent in any of the ways mentioned, and have done so intentionally because of their inability to nut up and deal with the matter in a mature and direct way, and furthermore, intend to be inconsistent in the future due to such feebleness, then how about they stop using the term "Dominant". Seriously.

Could there be any doubt about why I love you, chickie? ~big ole hug~

[jeanne]

~back to kissing and stuff~

We really should have gotten a picture for you, Oz.

Oh that's mean! And him so heartbroken about it already...

[Ozme52]

We really should have gotten a picture for you, Oz.

Oh that's mean! And him so heartbroken about it already...

Yep, shattered... the only thing that can relieve the pain would be a live re-enactment.

[angelic.zest]

very important points jeanne, thanks for posting it and making so that its aware!!

[Ozme52]

and enforcement of rules -nods- don't punish me for not doing X today, but ignore it tomorrow, and then not even mention when i do do it again, and ... If something is bad, it is always bad. And needs to be treated as such.


awesome thread jeanne

Well, that depends on how "serious" the nature of the rule...

Some things deserve to be at my whim. Your agility, mental as well as physical, is also at my beck and call.

[sidhewolf]

B]Excellent Points Jeanne I think.

Adding a bit...

It is necessary to any Relationship, and from any orientation or position, for each and every person involved to be; Honest Open Responsible and Consistent, with their Partner(s). That is if there is to be any true success at all in having that relationship, and or maintaining it.

Things do Change and people do Grow, in Life and Love. Life and Living presents us all with many challenges, obstacles, and opportunities, every day. But it is each of our Responsibility to manage these things, and remain Responsible to our Partner(s), by keeping them abreast of what affects them, as well as our Agreements with, or Word to, them, as we move through our time together.

Native American people term this "Walk Your Talk".

3 simple words really. Though the meaning not so simple, nor easily accomplished sometimes. However well worth the effort I believe and ime. Words I Live by.

If you can't, or don't intend to do something, don't say it, or agree to it. If something is different than what you initially said, or changes, Say so. It's called Communication.

Walk Your Talk!

Respectfully~SidheWolf [/B]

[sidhewolf]

Well, that depends on how "serious" the nature of the rule...

Some things deserve to be at my whim. Your agility, mental as well as physical, is also at my beck and call.

Yes Sir, "some things" But never anything that creates doubt in Your Word, the Relationship, or You.

Respectfully~SidheWolf