Sexually Unfufilled

[GraceRose]

I not sure how to word this..and maybe I'm not the only one who is like this but..In normal everyday life between my husband and myself I am the Dom. one and he is Sub. But when we get into the bed room I want him to take charge and " Ravage" me and "put me in my place" lol But he wont do it and when he tires I can not take him seriously because he just laughs and plays it off. We tried (and failed horribly) to do a little role playing the other day. I had the cute little school girl out fit on but I got nothing...He wouldn't take charge or anything...needless to say I was rather mad that I got dressed up just to be laughed at. Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice or something? Do you think he will ever take charge or is this a lost cause??? HELP!!
Sigh...
GraceRose

[Carpe Coma]

It sounds there is still a lot more communication that needs to go on. Rather than trying to get it going in the heat of the moment (which could easily put him in an uncomfortable position), have you tried sitting down and talking this over with him? He may be very uncomfortable with the idea. Not to mention that such a rapid shift in the power dynamic isn't something that most find easy to transition through without practice, even when it they know it is expected of them. Trying to bait someone into doing something totally new tends to not be very effective.

[GraceRose]

We have been talking about this and I have been trying to get him to get him to come out of his shell for over a year but still nothing. Maybe he just doesn't have it in him?? We are very open and talk about it, he always asks me what my fantasies are and I tell him its just the follow through part that has us snagged.

[Carpe Coma]

Have you asked him what he wants? Does he want to be "ravaging" you or does he try because it is what *you* want? Not every man wants to be the ravager, and there are quite a few who want to be ravaged themselves.

If he does, have you tried to start out with baby steps first? Most people don't go from 0 to 60 instantly.

If your fantasies aren't mutually compatible, it doesn't mean that it is hopeless, just that getting the satisfaction you want will be a lot harder.

[leah06]

It's such a terrible feeling to share your own sexual desires and have the other person not respond, let alone actually laugh, but I suspect that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I find role play, and especially dress up, to be very difficult and if he was having trouble with it he might have been trying to get "back" to your normal interactions as quickly as possible.

You might want to try negotiating one actual thing that he's going to do to you during sex, such as teasing or spanking. You might even set a length of time for it, so he's not wondering how much is enough, etc. I would also suggest giving him TONS of positive reinforcement at the time. If he's hesitant any tiny suggestion that he's not doing it right I think will scare him off.

Here's another thought, and it depends on your dynamic. You might try switching in the bedroom like this: You be the active partner during foreplay. Get him very excited and promise him more. Then tell him that you're not going to continue until he ___. Pick something a little, hm, aggressive - something that a man might reasonably want to do to a woman who just got him really hot and won't proceed further. Depending on your dynamic you could tell him that if he wants more he's going to have to force it out of you.

Good luck.

[swallowz]

I could have written your post. Sorry that I have no advice to offer.

[Stone]

Rape the fields and pillage the women....ohh wait I am supposed to give good advise. Some men just dont have it in him, but alot of that is due to lack of knowlage. talks between him and you just might not work you, may try finding local kinsters in your area that have munches and such and see if any of the experienced doms would mentor him. I know it's not easy, but it may be the best way, so he can talk to a dom and ask all questions he might be afraid to ask you..and well it just might work...to find local groups try fetlife.com

[Misschief]

I will refrain from trying to convince you that I know exactly where you are coming from as this would offer no solace to you. I want to express to you, however, that this is a dilemma that cannot be ignored. Somewhere within the depths of your soul, there is a submissive yearning for acknowledgement.

Contrastingly, your sub does not have a dominant yearning within him. And frankly, asking this lifestyle sub to "play" Dom may not ever work for him. Sounds to me like he is skirting the issue of Topping because he is wholly and completely submissive.

However, since you are the Dominant party, why not include another man into your scenes on occasion? Not necessarily even a Dom; just a hetero guy with a freaky side. Would your sub get turned on if he was chained to the floor and forced to watch as a capable man ravishes you?

This is a very tenuous situation that I am sure many of us can relate to, here. There are many variables, though one thing is certain: you cannot run from these desires forever.