When did you know?

[kaerose13]

i have always been rediculously dominant, in everything but sex or relationships. . . i used to boss everyone around and have always wanted someone to come and fight that control away from me. my game as a little girl was "captured princess." as an 8/9 year old child a had a game where the princess (me) was captured by a caravan of theiving gypsies and sold to a sadistic man as part of his harrem. . .i knew way too much for a child. my favorite movie was aladin and my favorite part was when jaffar had jasmin in chains (i was jasmin three times for halloween because of that).

so i've always known. there was only one time when i was not comfortable with it. in high school i had a boyfriend who tried to rape me, then stopped speaking to me. the next day i actually begged for forgiveness (because i kicked him and ran). he just stared at me like i was a piece of shit on the grass. after that i knew there was something wrong and that i went too far. i realized that i needed to find some limits.

[slavedoggieboy]

I first suspected it when i was 12 years old, and got hold of a small pocket type pamphlet, common in the mid 40s. It was called girls will be girls, and was a story about a group of girls who got together and would play games. One girl was the dominant one in the group, and she had one of the girls on her knees eating her, when she had to go and pee. She told the girl that she was going to pee in her mouth, and did, and the description of it turned me on so much, that i just knew that one day i had to take the place of that girl on her knees, and be the one drinking. Long story short, i did when i was in my teens, find a girl who not only was willing to pee in my mouth, she loved doing it and did so every chance she got.

slavedoggieboy

[wyldrose]

this girl agrees that she has always been submissive. from wanting to help her friends every problem to only being happy if her Partner was satisfied, she knew that she was different. she was repulsed by her friends behaviour as they objectified, used, and treated Men horribly- which she did not agree to be the right thing to do, despite not being able to articulate this feeling. when a Dominant Male came to her, she embraced Him and found herself- and has not looked back.

[symphony]

it is quite interesting reading others inputs to this thread, I too seem to fit the 'typical' description when it comes to psyche anyway.... I used to enjoy the loosing aspects of games, being caught etc also, and again diddnt connect the dots untill i looked back on it.

I also have more 'traditional' outlook on relationship dynamics than any of my friends. I only realised what was missing when i met my partner I suppose, before then other relationships haddnt worked out we diddnt click and after this i suddenly realise why!

[leo9]

I've not only always known, I've always known I was a switch, because I was excited by imagining being in either role. When I was little these were just vague ideas about tying and stripping naked and "doing things" to people, with no clear notion of what the things were, only that they were forbidden and thrilling.

Whether you call the excitement I felt "sexual" is a matter of definition. I don't even know if I got an erection back then, because I was young enough not to notice it unless it got in the way, but I knew that thinking about those special things gave a special sort of excitment.

Eventually - maybe age 10 - I discovered that playing with myself made the exciting ideas even better, but they didn't actually involve sex till I was maybe 15. Not because I didn't know what it was about, but because BDSM was more of a thrill. I recall, maybe aged 13, watching a Western in our local fleapit cinema. The man in the black hat had the busty heroine tied up... he laughed cruelly, he took her in his arms as she struggled and screamed, and he... kissed her? Eeew, I thought; why couldn't he do something interesting, like whip her till she cried? When I finally incorporated penetrative sex in my fantasies it was strictly rape, whether by me or of me.

At first I wasn't sure if I was different, or if everyone was into this sort of thing but you weren't supposed to talk about it. (Like, TV and films and books are full of scenes of tying up and at least threats of torture, and it wouldn't be there if people didn't like it, right?) I remember drawing an elaborate machine to strip, torture and humiliate an enemy, the noteworthy point being that the design assumed that any boy going through this would get a hard-on; I wasn't sure if that was right, but it felt right to me.

Once I had figured out that it wasn't everyone, I became good at finding people who would appreciate the ideas and maybe want to play them out with me. And I still am

[Mdv8ed]

For me it started very early. Simply pretending with my dolls and barbies, bondage always fascinated me. Somehow either they or i would get tied up.
Then it was any movie or show where someone would get kidnapped, tied, cuffed etc. would make me flip out. I think i finally figured it out when i met a guy in high school who would bring handcuffs in all the time where i finally knew. I remember finding my very first bdsm story and the rest is history

[mzkkbprmt]

I suppose I first had thoughts of stuff that would be considered BDSM when I was 6. This was mainly ideas of imprsionment, and being someone's prisoner. I have always had an interest in cages and collars since that age. Also some bondage ideas, particularly what I now know would be considered mummification, and being punished (though not involving physical pain).

I actually lost these feelings entirely once puberty started. They might never have come back if I hadn't joined an infantilism and diaper fetishist site. I realised that there was something more than just that which I was ... missing. Talking to some friends from that site it was suggested I look at BDSM.

I did and I realised that I was a sub. The things that I had had interests in when I was younger returned, and there are other things I have come across with research that appeal. I'm not into SM though, or at least physical stuff. Verbal abuse would be great, and there is some physical punishment I would be willing to take for the humiliation value, though not much. So you could say it started when I was 6. Though as a sexual thing and as something I have some vague understanding of it started about a month ago.

[Kahlann]

I mentioned in another post that I only learned about my submissive side when I was about 16.

If I play the look back for a pattern game... I can't find one. One day I'd enjoy playing at being some damsel in distress, then next I'd be the one tying up my cousins and laughing at them while I tortured them with disney movies. (hey I don't know a 12 year old boy who wants to watch Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella)

I'd be out playing football and fighting with the boys at recess (I lost a tooth when I was 8 that way...never did find it) but I'd be trying my hardest to be the best dancer and best behaved in my ballet class.

I was and still am a domineering control freak. I've always been loud, outspoken, and always insisted my way was best...not much has changed...except now it gets me in trouble. I'm learning...kinda

[ravenbounduptight]

my whole life i've been withdrawn and watching people. i watch them, like guys watch a football game or what not. When i was young young, before i can remember, my sister lived with us and i'm sure some part of me knew that something was up (my sister was abused and beaten until she moved out). my guess is that's what started my urges to make everyone around me happy. If mother is happy then she wont hurt me. That was the little kids thinking.

Then i went to high school, and met a girl who told me about her Dom. And that's when i fell into the deep end of the pool and been more or less paddling around it ever sense. Every now and then i go to the shallow end and with draw from everything. but lately i just get deeper and deeper and deeper. That's how i learned.

~j~