Seeking Insight

[Saheli]

Hello everyone. I'm 25 and just registered here. I am extremely submissive and am in a vanilla relationship. My husband grew up thinking that all women should be put on a pedastal and has major guilt issues over being a Dom, despite loving the idea of control. I'm here basically to find as much information as I can to help him. I think once he gets over his fear that he would be mistreating me by dominating me, he would be just fine. Beyond that hurdle lies the fact that we have a 2 and 3 yr old. So we would obviously have to work out how to have a D/s relationship around them that is appropriate and still D/s.

If anybody has any advice for me please send me a message! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

[denuseri]

Hi Saheli

Welcome to the Library!


Believe it or not but lots of guys have issues with that very thing. I once had a young new dominant break down and cry after one rather intense session becuase he felt so bad about what he was doing. Fortunately as with a little education and a changing of his perspective just a little bit he turned out fine over time. I mean he is after all in a way giving you what you want right? Just as you are giving him what he wants. Its quite a common thing in my experience(a lot of vanila husbands that convert to bdsm can get mired in the misconseptions surrounding feminist/politically correct dogma and expected double standard morals of treating a woman as an equal etc etc.

There are also a lot of members here who have to work their "kink" in around their jobs, children and or other family members. But there is hope, lol...even 24/7 TPE is possible if one just uses some common sence, patience and creativity.

Allways feel free to ask if you ever need any assistance and have fun exploring the place.

I hope that both you and your husband will enjoy yourselves here as you learn and grow together on your journey of domination and submission.

[a_merlin_69]

Hello and welcome. What you are experiencing is similar to what my sub has experienced from her vanilla relationship. Her answer was also to look on here and that is how she is now my sub. Her name is morwyn by the way, you are welcome to ask her or me any questions you may have and we shall try to help.

[soft zero]

Wow that really is a tricky situation and I wish you all the best with it. Sorry, I do not have any words of wisdom but I am sure that you will find some on this site.


Welcome.

[MaxxPayne]

I think I can relate to the dilemma your husband is trapped with. We have been taught to treat girls with respect. World would have been far worse otherwise. I am 25. I don’t have any friends who would willingly admit they like BDSM. I have to admit, I don’t like really serious, hardcore stuff. But still I do admit I like domination. In your case, you have already taken the first step. You know that your husband likes to have control. So problem is half solved. Now it is your job to lead him if you want to bring him out of his shell. Submit yourself before him. Make him feel comfortable with the whole thing. Then the ball is in his court. Don’t egg him to do this and that. Let him take control. You will have to be patient. Sometimes self-bondage, switching off the lights, or blindfolding yourself might help. He might be really shy to admit to you that he too likes it. He might not want you to see his expressions. Smiles and reassurances will help. I am sure he will become a very good dom soon

Once you have your husband on your side, things are easier. Two brains are better than one. You will find a lot of posts (a lot of expert ones by denuseri) in the forums on how to be secretive about it.

PS: I don’t have any real life experience in this. I have fantasized a lot. But I did face some reluctance about a lot of things while roleplaying(!!!) especially when you like/love the person on the other end. Also I guess from your name that you are Indian.
Your husband loves you. There are a lot of wonderful things he would do to keep you happy. TC

Good luck.

[rosebud]

Hello, Welcome to the Library! It seems you've already gotten
some good words of wisdom. i wish you both the best!


Hugsss
xx rosie

[Saheli]

Thanks you guys. I really appreciate all the advice. I approached him yesterday and asked if he would be interested in playing a game; of course he asked what it would be. I said, "Well, you pick out any necklace of mine that you like, and when I wear it the word no doesn't exist for me until it's off again." Then I told him that he would be the only one who could put it on or take it off. He said he liked the idea, so when we got home I told him to get it.

I don't know a great deal about collaring, and I know he has no idea what it is. He picked out a really chunky necklace, which ended up to work in my favor. While I was fucking him, he wanted me to lean close to his face. This caused my necklace to hit him a couple of times. I suggested that it would be less annoying if he got me a choker. He thought about it. I know this isn't GREAT progress but at least it's something. He demanded a few things he's never done before, and I was pretty impressed at how quickly he adapted into his role.

Now I just have to figure out how to incorporate more things, and how long it will be until the 'game' is no longer a game but a way of life for us.

[Saheli]

Also I guess from your name that you are Indian.

No, actually I'm American. My name is Lindsey. But I like Saheli because it means friend, and I think it's pretty.

[MrEmann]

Hello and welcome. I hope you find all the knowledge you seek her. As I am sure you will.

[moco]

Hello and welcome to the Library , I hope you find what you are looking for but most of all learn some new things, explore and have fun. good luck. The forums here are a good source of information. Cheers

[morwyn{Myrddin}]

Hello there, and welcome to this fantastic forum. i have been reading what Others have said in response to you and echo rosie's words, it seems that you have got some good advice already. As my Beloved Master said earlier, i have a vanilla partner and for him the whole thought of causing me pain is not ok. But we are in a unique position of when we met my v.boy knew that i was a lifestyle girl. He explored it with me for about a year, with no success. i felt like i did not want to make him into something he was not, just as in the same way i could not deny my needs as a submissive. So after a lot of discussion he and i went searching for a Master for me. Myrddin became that Master/Owner, and my v.boy is happy, i am happy and most of the time my Master is happy lolol.

This works for us, only because my boy is comfortable, and everything is in the open between us. He recognised that this was one area that he could not fulfill me, and so out of sheer love for me and full security in my love for him he thinks that it is fantastic that i have Master. There has been one ........'problem' out of this though lol, my boy decided that he wanted to send a gift to Master lol, so he spanked me soundly, took photos to show the results and had me send them to Master as a present from him lol
*morwyn rubs bottom and whispers "damn, boy knows how to spank" teehee)

So each of us find our own way of what works for us in this lifestyle, and i wish you every success in finding your path. Know that what works for others may not necessarily work for you.

Be well, enjoy the journey, and should you wish for others to speak to please feel free to message anytime.

morwyn of Myrddin