Sub-sitting

[Jennifer Williams]

Okay, here's the situation:

Our circle of friends consists mostly of BDSM people, or at least people who accept that kind of lifestyle as fine, and in our case it is all male subs and Dommes (it's funny how you just wind up attracting others like yourself). One of our male friends was recently dumped (rather harshly; she went away for a few weeks, met some other guy, and broke it off over the phone; it was horrible), and I kinda took him under my wing and am dominating him for just plain, regular-life kind of things, to try to comfort him.

For example, he'll text me to ask what he should have for dinner or what to buy when he's grocery shopping or what TV shows he should watch tonight; all innocent, non-sexual things. He went out to 7-11 the other night without my permission in order to buy cookie dough, so I punished him by telling him he couldn't eat cookies for a week. I feel sorry for him because I know how badly he needs this, and I was wondering if anybody had any other ideas for non-sexual domination (that can be done from a distance most of the time, because I really do have a life).

[fetishdj]

Look into online and LD domination techniques. There is a program called Cybermistress out there which you can set a script for (deciding things like how likely you are to give permission to go to the toilet, eat food, how he dresses and so on) and install on his computer. He keeps it running and it pops up with tasks occasionally, assigns punishments and e-mails you a report. Not as good as being there in person but less work for you in terms of managing his life from a distance

What is your objective with this sub? Do you seriously want to have him in your stable as a non-sexual slave? In which case you could give him tasks to make your life easier - things your regular sub either cannot do or would have trouble doing alone. Get him to do housework, DIY, gardening etc. in exchange for occasional BDSM sessions

However, I suspect your goal is more likely to help him get himself back together after his traumatic break and out there in the market looking for another Domme he can serve in a maybe more sexaul manner. With this in mind, I would consider controlling things like his clothing, his appearance, his diet etc - make him a more attractive prospect for another Domme. However, I would be careful not to alow him to get too attached to you to the extent of considerng you to be his Domme. For one thing, he may not want to find another Domme because, in his mind, he already has one. For another, women in general are very sensitive to 'attached' men and if other Dommes sense that he has a Domme already (however informal) they may be wary of him.

[denuseri]

Or attracted to him all the more.

Lets not forget...the man wearing the wedding ring at the bar is twice as likely to leave with a date as the man who is not.

Not becuase of the ring in and of itself...but becuase the married man probabely is much more confident and doesnt come of as desperate to "get some" than his bacholar peers and it is also seen that at least one other woman has found him desireable.

[fetishdj]

Den, that is the other side of the equation I do know that I seem to attract more attention when attached as I did when single (even before the ring was there ). You are right about the confidence thing. There is also the 'not looking' sense which seems to trigger a lot of women to be attracted to you.

However, what could cause problems is if the other women feels threatened by Jennifer's involvement and backs off because he is giving off 'I am more attracted to this other woman than you' vibes.

[denuseri]

Well thats just one of those things that is bound to happen if it is going to happen.

Sounds like its all being handled long distance though...so personally, so long as all the partners in her arrangment are mutally consenting and know about each other I don't see anything wrong with it. Everyone dom/sub, temp sub etc may benifit by the additional training anyway.

[Jennifer Williams]

However, I suspect your goal is more likely to help him get himself back together after his traumatic break and out there in the market looking for another Domme he can serve in a maybe more sexaul manner.

Yes, this is my goal. Right now, actually, his goal is even less specific than mine; he says he just wants a girl, even a vanilla one. He's brought over a couple of prospects for my inspection and approval, but so far none has worked out (I told him to stop acting so desperate, but he's horny and heartbroken so really he has everything going against him). It's tricky because our circle of friends is pretty tight, so whoever she is has to somehow get along with me (and I don't get along with other females so well; they usually try to have opinions different from mine).

With this in mind, I would consider controlling things like his clothing, his appearance, his diet etc - make him a more attractive prospect for another Domme.

Done. Fixed his hair, taught him how to bake cookies properly,giving him instructions on what to say in order to get first dates (he's actually succeeded at that, now).

However, I would be careful not to alow him to get too attached to you to the extent of considerng you to be his Domme. For one thing, he may not want to find another Domme because, in his mind, he already has one.

I'm not too worried about that. We've been friends for years, he went to high school with my sub, and he's not getting anything sexual from me. I'm basically just his emotional support as he tries to get himself back together. If he was my vanilla friend we'd just take him out drinking.

Telling him what clothes to wear is an excellent idea; I don't know why I didn't think of that- I already control my sub's entire wardrobe, but that's one of those things that's just so usual you forget to think about it.

As usual, fetish, your ideas are very helpful, thank you.

And yes, denuseri, he needs additional training, so maybe this is a good thing in the end.
His hair really was awful.

[fetishdj]

Male hair usually is. Unless it is mine, which is always fantastic

[Ozme52]

...and he's not getting anything sexual from me.

I'm just quietly smiling and counting the hours... cuz at some point you'll want to extend his education... just a bit further.

And nothing wrong with that imo.

[Jennifer Williams]

In that case he needs to switch from bar soap to body wash, use moisturizer, shave every square inch, and get some muscles to look at. And a tan.

Oz, you are such a bad influence.

Come to think of it, all of those things will get him better results out on the market. Now I have a lot of work to do.

[Ozme52]

LMAO

Well, a good mistress will make sure her 'wares' are well trained by trying them out herself... a few dozen times.

[jeanne]

Oz, you are such a bad influence.

This is soooooooooooo not news.

[Ozme52]

[Jennifer Williams]

Sometimes good things warrant repeating. I now have plenty of new ideas...

[Jennifer Williams]

Update: Oz, thanks to your idea of simply "If I wanted him for myself, what should he look/act like", he managed to get himself a date tonight (once I fixed his clothes and hair and made him get good cologne) Everybody cross your fingers...

[fetishdj]

Hurrah!

[Ozme52]

Excellent.

It's a win-win for you. He either gets taken off your hands and you can be content in knowing you did a great job... or he doesn't and you can beat him for not learning his lessons.

[TantricSoul]

After reading this I can't help but think that I need to go out and make some friends like you Jennifer.

Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for him.

[Jennifer Williams]

Thanks, Tantric. Sometimes I think that I got very lucky to have found a group of people who are all into BDSM but really when I think about it, it seems more likely that we all influenced each other and all traveled down this road together, in some ways. And when you've known a person for years and years you just naturally care about them and want to help them.

And on a side note, the date went wonderfully; we all went to go see a movie and then ended up hanging out afterward. First, I liked her and she actually got along with me and our other domme friend (very important because I am very territorial). And after alot of dancing around words and beating around the bush and alluding to all sorts of sexual innuendos, she says the line "Well, life would be boring without a little sadism anyway, right?"

Hallelujah.

[Ozme52]

... alot of ... beating around the bush

Really? It's one of my favorite activities but I would have thought it the other way around for you.

[Jennifer Williams]

Oz, you always make me smile.

I've posted more details about this in my blog if anyone is interested further.

[fetishdj]

Hurrah!!!!!