Some advice needed

[Jeanie8341]

Hi, I am new to this site. I having been thinking about it for a while though. I'm just not sure how to start. I am a submissive and I don't know if an online relationship is for me or not, as I can find it hard to trust somebody without meeting them. However, is it difficult to find people to meet in person?

Thank you in advance for any help x

[ar1]

I've never had an online relationship (though I've tried my hand at long distance after I had to move away), but I guess it comes down to what you're looking for. An online relationship is so different to a 'real' tangible relationship. There will be no physical connection, no physical dominance of another person, and no one you can otherwise cuddle up to at night or go out with your friends with. In a real-life relationship I don't doubt things would be more intense, more connected, and that's whether you'd also be looking for those cuddles at night or not! They're two different things and it depends on what you want at the time.

I don't know how difficult it might be to meet a Dom/me in person - the only experience I have is from a vanilla relationship voyaging together into BDSM practices and that worked for me. Try to figure out what you want from a relationship (online or otherwise) and see what answers you find in that. I hope you find what you're looking for x

P.S. On a spin off from this, I wonder how necessary it actually is to trust somebody in an online relationship? I understand the issues regarding the privacy of whatever information and images might get sent between the participants, but it isn't as though the Dom/me could ever "go too far" or leave you tied up somewhere or in any way make you physically vulnerable? Would be interested to hear other people's thoughts!

[Jeanie8341]

Thank you for your advice.

I was more talking about the trust it takes to open up to somebody, which is something you would still have to do online I would have thought.

[VaAugusta]

I did an online d/s thingy before. Don't think it really compares anything to having a real life one. Then again, I don't think a d/s relationship (in the idealist sense) is all that practical--hoping it will be exactly like your fantasies can be disappointing. My advice is to try a real life one with someone who is open to your ideas of what you'd like your relationship to be like. My personal stance is that I would never engage in a d/s relationship with someone who I wouldn't have a real life one. I think you should take your time and survey your options and try and get a sense of what you are looking for. Since you're in DC you have a few options of places you can meet people in real life. Check out the Crucible (google), I went there and it was decent I guess. Kinda pricey.

Feel free to message me and I can tell you what it was it like.
Good luck!

[denuseri]

There are several clubs and munches (informal bdsm group gatherings) to be found as August sugested: google the word munch or bdsm club and the name of your city and be amazed at all the results.

Online imho is great for many things. It can be used to learn and understand several principles in the arts of bdsm, especially theory. Does it really compare to real life in actual practice...imho ...no. Some people go the online relationship route, some don't and prefer to keep their online arrangments if any more casual, some use online as a stepping stone to real life and others have no intention of doing so. Many come online expecting one thing and find another entirely.

For people new to bdsm in general...I personally do not reccomend hooking up in any way shape or form right off the bat with any single online personality just becuase they have "dom" in their profile (one simpley cant know if that individual is exactly who and what they say they are from an online medium alone) and I especially warn against trusting people who want to "place you under their protection" (the site has ample ways for the staff and you yourself to protect you just fine without any such bs) for the simple reason that it often tends to limit by defualt the kinds of interactions and experiences that one will be able to gather when one becomes exclussively cyber collared or any such thing by another.

I would also avoid any individuals who try to restrict your access to information or limit your online time in certian ways or try to take away or have you give up real life freedoms beyound a certian point becuase they think they own you somehow before they have even so much as met you in real life yet.

(I know this all sounds like common sence but you would be amazed by how many people one sees online who appear to abandon it outright and or live in some kind of fantasy)

Whatever you do, I reccomend that you keep saftey in the forefront of any of your dealings and take what people tell you with several grains of salt if you know what I mean.

[Jeanie8341]

Thank you all for your advice