Wants to learn more.

[The Novice]

My wife and I have started exploring this new world. We have done mostly light bondage and spanking. She really loves it, and I want to please her. My problem is I always worry that I might hurt her so I hold back. How do I over come this hang up. We have read a few books on the subject, but most of them seem to be to advance for our taste. We want a more basic information about how to explore this new world. I was also wondering how to go about finding a public dungeon or club so we could meet others with the same taste we have.

[CrushersGirl]

welcome.

your concern about hurting your wife brings to mind something that my Master firmly believes in. i'm wondering if it would be helpful to point it out...it's what he likes to call "situational awareness". by situational awareness, what he is referring to is communication with your partner, and the physical, mental, and emotional state your wife would be in at the time. are you communicating throughout the scene? are you paying attention to her heart rate, her facial expressions, the tone of her voice, etc... it is always of the utmost importance, in the name of educating yourself first, to do some research and such beforehand...but you will discover that a good deal of what you will learn the most from is going to be from being "hands on". may i suggest that you do the necessary reading and research first, and then slowly build up to what you are trying to do with your partner...all the while communicating and being aware? while i realize that your submissive is only able to teach you so much from her position in the relationship, her input on her end of any experiences you share and her feelings, can go a long way toward helping you learn as you go. yes, i am sure it would be helpful as well to talk and discuss with others who have experience. this place seems to be good for that as well. it would seem that there is sound advice here when needed...i'm sure you could ask questions here on the library. or maybe you could look into a local munch group in your area as well...

i apologize if i'm not much help, but i do sincerely hope that i've at least been somewhat helpful..

well wishes and good luck on your journey.

[Demon_Goddess_165]

There are alot of experianced people here and lots of good information in the forums. Read, as questions, don't rush things.
I personally have a general rule before expecting a sub to do anything I experiance myself. Some times this means getting a third party to help out but by feeling how a whip or a toy feels it gives you a good referance as to what your sub will feel. Everyone has different pain tolerence levels and every tool feels different. Try things. Have a safe word. Talk things over before and after a play sesion.

[Demon_Goddess_165]

Oooh and always keep R.A.C.K in mind! (Or SSC if you prefer.)

[The Novice]

Thanks for the suggestions. I have the problem of being a little over zealous with things sometimes and I need to slow down. My wife is excited to try new things, but is sometimes hesitant when I start getting too far ahead of our experience. She was actually the one who was interested in this to begin with, but I've become more and more interested as we've experimented and now both find ourselves looking for guidance. Thanks again.

[The Novice]

Thanks that is some very good advice. The only problem is I think my wife has a higher tolerence for pain then I do, but we do talk about the things we want to try. And we don't do anything that both of us can't agree on.