Advice on finding a Dom?

[ms4yl]

Does anyone have any advice on good sites to find real Doms? CM and FL have proven useless to me.

My first Dom who introduced me to the lifestyle years ago, I met under very unusual "vanilla" circumstances and did not know he was a Dom until after our first date. Now I crave that dynamic but don't know where to find it.

Any advice would be helpful.

[deigja]

That depends much on what you are looking for.. for a real life relationship i´d recomment googling for lokal munches rather than looking online. That would be a bit more difficult because the people you get along with not necessarily come from the same region or even the same country. This site for example has in it´s members a variety of nationalities... For real life it´s mostly better if you come at least from the same general area.
If you are happy with an online dom for the time being there´s always the problem to sieve out the gems among a lot of rubble.. you will encounter this in varying degrees on almost every site, so you may as well try here as we have some really nice people. As long as you are yourself as far as possible without giving up your real identity to strangers you will get to know the right people pretty soon.

good luck! deigja

[Mr. Big]

I just released my slave(reluctantly). I would be hred to be you Dom. If you are Interested emaiul mew at............scotlad219yahoo.com

[denuseri]

You may also wish to try checking out a bdsm club like 1763 in Atlanta, or The Crucible in DC. Most major cities in the USA have some such venue within driving distance.

[Mr. Big]

I RECENT,Y HAD TO GIVE UP MY sUB/ iWOULD BE GLAD TO HELP YOU

[wtbtm]

Hello, looking for a black Master to make him feel sooo good doing his ever needs, orders. White bottom from around Pinhurst NC

[Mr. Big]

You have CUM to the right guy, I needanother white bitch to sukc my Big Black Cock and do Everything I order her to do for me.Contact me Immeiately my white bitch

[wtbtm]

hello Master, I'm a white male and sooooo much love black cocks to make me do their every wish, sould love to be your white submissive and have you fuck my boypussy

[Solis]

A former teacher of mine, now sadly diminished by age and infirmity, used to declare "style is a revelation of epistemic stance!" I think fondly of her ability to elevate sensible observations into the realm of academese, and of the twinkle in her eye as she did it.

Here would be her advice to a questing sub: "get doms to talk about themselves, a lot, and listen to them quite closely. It's hard for a mind to remain long-disguised behind a shield of words. The one who sounds like a pompous ass, is. The one who cannot complete a sentence, will not fulfill a promise. The one who cannot answer a question the same way twice, does not know his own mind. The one who cannot understand your question, will not understand your soul. The one who demands your obedience rather than earning it, fears his own weakness."

For what that's worth,

S.

[deigja]

Solis: As you do so often you seem to speak directly from my heart

[yourloyalpet]

need a mistress to humiliate me please!

[jules]

Well said Solis !!

To those who hi-jacked this post, there is a forum section for those looking for Doms, I suggest you post there instead of taking over a post asking a valid question for advice.

[lorem angelum]

Since I am fairly new to this I can only give you the advice based on what I know of myself. I didn't exactly come on the site "looking" for anyone, for me it was more about learning what I could about Lifestyle, asking questions and getting to know others of like mind. I was fortunate and blessed enough to fall under the protection of a honorable, knowledgeable Dom who took me under his wing. I am happier then I have ever been in my life, he has helped me find "myself" in the sea of confusing thoughts and emotions I have had all my life. I feel compete in a way I have never before by being owned and collared by my Sir. In my way of thinking "good things happen to those who wait", so don't hurry and just enjoy being around people who accept you for who you are not matter what your fetish. I hope with all my heart that you do find the "One" for you, in the mean time explore, have fun and be safe.

To those who hi-jacked this post, there is a forum section for those looking for Doms, I suggest you post there instead of taking over a post asking a valid question for advice.

I totally agree with you jules, there is a section for that and you shouldn't keep all comments it those areas.

[skittish doe]

Hello! I wanted to share my support of several of the above posters. I do hope that you find all that you seek. This site can be a wonderful resource to aid your exploration, if you let it be.

deigja brings up an important point in meeting at munches – as she said, “depending on what you are looking for”. You will want to keep your end goal in mind (an in-person relationship – if that is what it is, for you.) even during the early stages of your search. denuseri’s suggestion of local clubs offers the same ‘local filter’. You are much more likely to meet a person who is local to you when you attend in-person events vs online. Having an in-person relationship may indeed be your main goal. Be honest with yourself when you are determining what you want. ‘What you want’ is another one of those ever-evolving things that people do well to continually evaluate.

Both of the above suggested methods of searching require a good dose of bravery; don’t forget to pat yourself on the back when you get back home. Make up your mind to come home alone though – actual relationships take time and even if you do meet “Mr/Ms perfect”, you will thank yourself later if you take things slower. In addition, if you will go with the goal of ‘meeting people’ -- specifically to make friendships with fellow kinksters -- you may find that friendships open more avenues for you than you may have imagined.

However, with both of these methods it is still important to realize first what you need. What your own cravings and tastes are. What you will and won’t do, as well as what you ‘might’. Online gives a safe method to sort out these kinds of things for yourself. Even reading through stories on this site gives you a nice way to list out what you really like, what you are interested in learning more about, and what you have no interest in. All of these are important to determine, for yourself.

In addition to the ‘figuring out you’ part (which – imho – is a lifelong evolution) there is the fact that people are so varied. To find the right fit, you may well need a larger than your local area. The sad part of this is that you may very well find a beautiful match – with one who lives far away. It comes down to asking yourself which parts are most important for you, personally.

As far as meeting likeminded folk and exploring your own desires, this site is a nice one. It offers people the opportunity to discuss various kinks in a non-threatening arena.

The ever-eloquent Solis gave such wise words regarding sorting the ‘good fits’ from the ‘not-for-you’ individuals. (I think I’ll write those down and keep them for daily use with folks in general.) I do hope you might follow his advice.

Take up the method lorem angelum spelled out in her post regarding learning, asking, absorbing.

Don’t give up in your quest, be willing to take your time, and always strive to further define your ever-shifting true self. You must stay true to your own needs, if you are to dovetail with another’s needs and be a solid match. If your end goal is to serve another, you want to do the best job of service that your authentic self is able to provide.

Best Wishes,
doe

[just_ine]

Be honest with yourself when you are determining what you want. ‘What you want’ is another one of those ever-evolving things that people do well to continually evaluate.

^
Being honest first with yourself. But be very clear in your honesty.

All the while being open-minded enough to realise that what you look for and what you get might not be the very same thing, but 'good-enough' often turn out to be 'better-than-perfect'.

j

[Kuve {Sett}]

Always bear in mind that there are way more subs than Dom/mes, this means you have to present yourself in a way that makes you stand out from the crowd. As has been mentioned you have to be clear in your own mind for what it is you're looking and you've got to make that clear to a potential partner early in the relationship. Just as important you have to be clear, to yourself and to them, what it is you have to offer in return. This means it's not enough just to say something like "I want to serve" or "whatever you want", these are things all subs offer and will just make you one of the faceless crowd.

It's been My own observation and experience that it is often best to seek friendship first and move on to play from there, then, even if the play doesn't work out, you've at least made a new friend. Also worth noting is that a lot more people than one might suspect can be very dominant for the right person, so rather than seeking the right person you should concentrate on being the right person. You should also remember that building a good relationship, kink or vanilla, takes time and effort on both sides, don't expect things to just fall from sky perfect and eternal, you are both human beings and it takes time to build the trust and rapport that a long term relationship requires. You also need to remember that being submissive in no way means you are lacking in worth as a person or that you are lacking in valuable strengths that could be of great help to your potential dom, be proud of who you are and don't except being taken for granted or treated as unimportant, no Dom/me worthy of the name wants a doormat for a life partner.