Quote Originally Posted by scarletakb
My lover, is married, and I'm married. I guess I feel that it is difficult for a man to find a woman who wants to be with a married man, and who is discrete. Then, add the age factor, and then add the dom/sub factor, and I can just about convince myself that my lover has "slim pickings" out there. I mean, How easy is it for a 40 year old married man, with a child, to find a woman, who also is married, who is discrete, healthy, and is into BDSM? Are there alot of us out there?

I think I see my weight as an issue that he just deals with because it is so difficult for him to find someone to fit the bill.

There is part of me that KNOWS this isn't true. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm intelligent, I'm actually quite classy, I'm funny, and entertaining, and I am a DAMN good lover. Yet, why is it so easy to throw all those good qualities away? and just focus on the weight.
Well hell, I'm 20 and I sure as shit haven't found a lot of 'real life' people that share my own 'fetish's' on issues such as bdsm. Sure, I've met girls who I'm almost positive have submissive qualities (that would go well with me as I'm pretty sure a submissive role would go over like the proverbial 'led zeppelin' for me), but I've either been in a relationship with someone at the time or they have been in one themselves when I realized this.

Although, as of late, I am the leading poster on these forums, I have not had the pleasure of a bdsm relationship. Sure, I've been in situations with women where I say what I want in bed, and they do it, but it's not like it was a domination/submission type situation. "suck my dick", and they do it....not quite the same.

While I don't presume to know what your lover thinks, I would hope it's not that he is with you simply because you share his interest in bdsm and his pickings are slim. I know it is easy to think this way, remember I was 40 lbs over weight myself once too.

All you think about when you see yourself in the mirror is how @#$#ing overweight you are, and how you hate yourself for getting there. It is the easiest way to lose confidence in yourself, and probably the most common.

For me, gaining that confidence back was in making a total, 180 degree change in what I did. I ate differently, I don't drink anymore, and I excersise a hell of a lot more. that change doesn't have to happen so drastically, but for me that's what it took.

Whatever you do to build your confidence, the one universal rule is sticking to it. If you plan on losing even 20 pounds or even a smaller amount, stick to it! Give yourself a reason not to believe your husband/lover is not there simply because their options are slim.