Ooooh. Well. I've just read the rest.
Heh, yeah - saved the best bit till last.
Enjoyed it FAR too much to be able to come back with sensible comments yet!!
Thanks for the responses to my comments - on some of the comma questions, we shall see what others say. I do take your point (sometimes!), and maybe I just speak with more pauses along the way than you.
foreboding, though... I have to concede completely. I looked it up in the dictionary as well (wouldn't have dared to make such a statement without doing so first!), and didn't get past the first entry of it being a verb, taking an object. Yes, it is also a noun or an adjective. Oops.
On everything else where we might not agree - you are the author and thus the owner of this story: you fight back, girl, good on you! I have no doubt you will concede if others pick up the same points and are able to justify them to you; but only if they are well justified!