cariad, I liked your fairytale very much. The idea was well thought out.

There were a few sentences, like the one in the first paragraph describing men with quieted nerves shouting? That seemed as though you had an idea--the site of land and promise of fresh food quieting the seaweary nerves, and the call and response shouting that would follow as the sailors readied the ship to moor...?

Long story is good. Long paragraphs are hard to read on the screen. Add to this the excruciating colors on this site...well, it was harder to read your story because of all this.

I don't think the story was too long, indeed, I like the way you built the character and illustrated the dichotomy of the powerful woman who wants to find a stronger man who could lead her in her fantasies. I liked her sense of destiny on her mission. Perhaps we could get more of a clue as to how she saw this coming? I also like that it was romantic, and that seems to take some time to build, a mood has to be set. You did it.

I can't go through and make suggestions for each sentence, I tried and I don't feel right breaking up or changing your sentences as I am not a very good writer, technically speaking.

Generally it seems breaking it up for this format (something I read here, shorter paragraphs for the screen) is good for keeping readers. Maybe work on some of those sentences that had a good idea that didn't quite make it on the page...I got told this, I think it was Dragon's Muse, she said something to the effect that she could see I knew what I meant, but the thought did not feel completed in the sentence.

Bravo, great characters, love the captain, love the dragon, love the idea and the story.

Hope this was helpful.

BP