I'm never gonna make it, I thought as I pushed the gas pedal down. My skin was vibrating with the car but I hardly noticed because my wife was up ahead in the hospital giving birth to our child. I'd been out of town and was just coming back when I got the call.

I was all of a sudden very aware of everything around me and inside me. The smell of cigarette butts in the car was cloying and the butterflies in my stomach weren't helping. I almost had to pull over twice to vomit, but managed to swallow the horrible tasting bile back down my burning throat. The rain was beating down on the windshield and I could barely see where I was going, but I pushed down the gas pedal anyway. My heart was thumping big hard beats and I was swearing savagely at anyone who got in my way.

The car felt like an extension of my body as I took it around this car and that one; as I ran this red light and slammed on the breaks at the next one. I could hear the horns of the cars around me and the splashing of the rain on the tires. All the traffic and street lights had a nimbus around them through the falling water and although I knew I only had a couple of blocks to go I also knew I was never going to make it on time. I barely waited for the traffic light to change before my foot slammed down on the pedal and off I sped. My whole body was one big nerve and my leg and hands were stiff from the locked position of my body.

My first child, I thought. I could picture my wife in the hospital room writhing and moaning and wondering where I was. I was so into the vision that I almost didn't see the car ahead of me brake suddenly. I swerved and almost side-swiped the car next to me. I could see a little kid's face staring in shock at me as my car almost collided with his. Luckily the drive swerved over as well and avoided me. Horns blared everywhere and tires squealed. Somehow nobody hit anybody and I got to the next light shaking but unscathed. I lit a cigarette and tried to calm down.

When I saw that kid it had suddenly slammed down on me how dangerous I was driving and how many people I could have hurt or killed with my recklessness. I broke out in a cold sweat to go along with my shakes. My whole body was one big ache and my stomach wanted to vacate my body through my mouth. I could hear the rain letting up on the roof of my car and as if that were a signal I felt the maddness that had gripped me loosen. I looked over at the car next to me and saw the kid again.

A little girl, maybe seven years old was staring at me with her mouth open. The driver, a man about my age, was staring straight ahead, but I could feel the tension from him in my own car. The enormity of my actions overwhelmed me. I could have killed his child just because I was trying to get to my wife to do what exactly? Stand there and tell her how good she was doing? An important job, but hardly one that justifies manslaughter. I could still see everything around me very clearly and I saw the man's hands clenching and unclenching the wheel and I saw the little girl's face through the two panes of water spotted glass and the smoke from my cigarette. She was a beautiful child. Now I felt like crying myself. I knew now that there was no such thing as on time or too late. I was going to be a father today and it was going to be my job to protect my child from the world's stupidity. Including my own.

Almost completely relaxed now I knew I would drive at a reasonable pace the rest of the way to the hospital and I had this little girl to thank for it. I wanted to get their attention somehow and apologize and make things right, but by then the light was turning green and off we went.