Many of us use the term all the time. Quite a few of us are seeking one, or want to become one, on the chat, in the personals, etc. But what exactly do we mean by the term, ‘how much’ and what does it mean to be someone’s online dominant (or someone’s online submissive for that matter)?

I find myself using the term as much as any other person but I must admit I’m not completely sure that my understanding of it is the same as everyone else. Perhaps because of my being a student and being taught to seek clarity in definitions I’m not quite satisfied by this uncertainty so please help me. What do you consider online domination to be?

To, hopefully, establish a little bit more conceptual certainty I’ll list the kind of ‘content’ to a relationship I could imagine being (or not being) part of online domination (excuse the kind of clinical description, it’s for the sake of clarity):
  • Mentoring: As in one of the parts (the dominant mostly I guess) teaching the other part about kink.
  • Cybering: As in describing sexual activities one does to each other. Perhaps in a broader sense applicable here not just sexual play but also elements of servitude etc.
  • Roleplaying: As in describing something, mainly sexual, where you pretend to be someone else than who you are. IE cybering while ‘playing roles’.
  • Crossover activities: As in the parties doing things physically for example masturbating, hurting oneself, undressing or dressing up etc. Perhaps assigning each other tasks etc. In this context I’d imagine it would mostly be the dominant ‘controlling’ the submissive (at least that’s my experience with it).
  • Flirting/romancing: Talking about feelings for each other, imagining how things would be together, perhaps also exploring each other’s kinks and what one would like to do in real life…


I think I’d personally consider the last two the ‘requisite’ of online domination, perhaps only the last category although that’s kind of ‘fluffy’… I’m not feeling that I’m really capturing the concept though so if there are any of you that has a more elegant way to define this please help me out!