Thank you just_ine,

Never before I though about this as a project, something measurable, with milestones, but reading your post I realized this is just that, a long term project.
That I can understand, that I can control, and that is changing everything.
Well, maybe this is the best project I've ever had, but a project nevertheless.

Much can be learn from your post, but above all I thank you for showing me something I'd forgot: how important is to tell her what's going to happen (what will happen, not what I/we/her would like to happen), what I'll do next weekend, next month... I forgot to make her eager for our next season, to keep on drawing her mind into it.

It will take time for her to understand that I hold to the plan, that every act, every task and every rule/limit I impose to myself is scrupulously fulfilled, but once she realizes that I'll keep her safe, that she is my priority, I believe she'll be able to free herself from the fears and prejudices. Then will be able to take the next step, starting by the much needed limits-list (right know she even refuses to have safe words).

Well, I may be mistaken, every planning has its flaws and must adapt to real circumstances, but we are not really starting from scratch.
For instance, she knows that when I expect something reasonable from someone and the task is not accomplished there is always a proportional (although benevolent) response. She just don't know that I use a higher standard for myself, because I forgot to keep telling her what I expect from myself.

Best