As a witness to the conversation I can appreciate where cari is coming from here. I believe that safewords and signs should be in place whenever play is likely to get hard. I told cari-and the newcomer-that I don't use them as I play softly. This is true, but after some thought I realise that I have played in the past with safewords in operation.

I did so because I was exploring not only my sub's limits-but mine as well. It is so damned easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment. I've found this-as have we all in r/l-but have also just recently found it during some mild on-line inter-action for the first time.

It's easy here-you just turn away or log off-if you're able to. But that's another subject...

In r/l the limits of one partner may not reflect the limits of the other. Until such time that limits have been thoroughly explored and clearly delineated I think safewords are vital. Why not have them? Thats the question that puzzles me?