Well, speaking as BDSM Tourguides r/l submissive/wife, I can agree to what he is saying, and not just becuase I am his submissive, or have a biased opinion.

I like the sex to be afterwards, after the SM scene. I see the "great sex" afterwards to be a reward of sorts, for both of us. The SM scene gets us all worked up and then the sex afterwards releases the tension (for lack of a better word). Don't get me wrong, we have a little sex play during the SM scene, but we don't get to climax until the scene is over and the sex begins.

Maybe we are strange in that respect, but I don't feel that a SM scene HAS to be about sexual gratification. Sometimes, I like the SM scene just for what it is, sex exluded. It makes me feel more submissive, like he has the power. I have a lot of limits, and he does push them, which I am fine with, but he would never abuse that power over me (Not that I am saying that you would) I just feel that if we have a SM scene and there is no sex, I don't fret about it. I take it more as a training session, to see how far I can go and how mcuh I can take. And like BDSM Tourguide said, we had a long time apart, so I have become sort of a wimp *lol* I am trying to regain what I was but it is a long road. Thankfully he's the patient kind.