Moving from O/l to R/l

[SheepishJaina]

I wanted to share this. I've mentioned before that i'd been burned badly trust wise in the past. It left emotional scars as well as physical ones. Getting burned is something that all of us, beginner or experienced need to consider and take precautions against. Trust is so important. We should be able to trust the person we open up to. There have been a lot of threads lately on trust, real doms vs play doms, and this thread could fit in any one of those, but it carries a more potent message, safety when moving from O/l to R/l.

It seems like a simple thing to say. "I'm going to meet my Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress in real life." But have you considered all of the risks?

My Story-

When I was 17 I'd been chatting online with a "dom". Thinking about my conversations with him, and knowing how Master (and other true masters/doms) have spoken to me since, I should have seen the warning signs. I was alone, very alone. I've never had any close friends in RL. I'd never dated at that point. I knew I was submissive. Desires and emotions that I had had for many years started to make sense as I started to learn (with what little time I managed to get online).

Needless to say I agreed to meet this person. He was local to me, and picked me up after school. He was older, but i'd known that. (ha! older doesn't mean experienced) We had discussed what was supposed to happen that day. very little of it did. I had expressed an intrest in spankings. So he was going to show me what that was like. he started to, but in the end he raped me. He'd known I was a virgin and had known that I had no desire to lose that. when I went home, I found bruises up and down my neck from where he'd choked me. In the end my entire family found out and I was treated by most of them like an outcast. To this day I'm not sure if my sister believes me or not.

I used very little common sense, and placed my trust poorly. I learned that day from my mistakes, and if if nothing else, I pray that others may learn from my experience without making the same mistake.

Have a specific plan with the person you are meeting, give a copy of the plan to a friend and ask them to call you at certain times, or call them, to check in. Give your friend the exact places you will be, all of the contact information for the person you are meeting. You also might consider taking along a friend for the initial meeting. If the person you are meeting is who they have led you to believe, they should not have a problem with this.

Meet in a public place. Know your way around it before meeting your partner for the first time. It should not be such a noisy place that if you screamed, no one would notice, but it also shouldn't be devoid of other human beings who can offer assistance should you need it.

Stay alert to your surroundings. Is the person you're meeting acting oddly? Have they said something that doesn't ring true from what they have told you online? Are they avoiding your eyes? Avoid walking away from your "safe place" into an area that hides you from view or screaming distance.

Be armed. Not a weapon, but a cell phone, and pepper spray. Not everything goes according to plan. You need to be prepared if it does. Have easy acess to both at all times. Don't leave it in the bottom of your purse or in a pocket that you can not pull it out of fast.

Let them leave first. Walk to your car with your friend, or ask a security guard to walk you to it. Make sure Your keys are ready in one hand to get in the car and lock it right away.

If something seems "wrong or suspicious" at any point, leave. Trust your own judgement. Safety is your number one concern, and any partner who is worth their own salt will agree to this.

Please feel free to add to this. I'm sure there are other things to remember when meeting that I have forgotten.