More than one sub...

[Ozme52]

You lost me there. I think I'm going to need some examples.

If there's a threesome couple living together, (one man and two girls, all hetero) and the man finds one of the girls is better looking than the other, (not a very unique situation) and she gets more atention than the other. Both real and percieved. How is this a win-win situation for the woman the man doesn't feel is as sexualy attractive? She might have other great qualities, but we all want sexual attention.

Just as you point out, you like tits. Women with bigger tits gets more attention from men than women with smaller tits. That's been scientificaly proven many times.

I guess my answer to that is... so what. The one who gets less attention... maybe it's enough. I didn't say all was equal. I said everyone is happy.

Your example implies an extreme case and presumes all else is equal. I would suggest successful polys find that "on the whole" things balace out.

[TomOfSweden]

I guess my answer to that is... so what. The one who gets less attention... maybe it's enough. I didn't say all was equal. I said everyone is happy.

Your example implies an extreme case and presumes all else is equal.

Of the BDSM polys I know of this is the most common situation that has to be dealt with all the time. Either a man with two women or with a woman and two men. Not as a permanent arrangement but as something that spontaneusly is created and disolved due to everybodies conflicting needs.

I would suggest successful polys find that "on the whole" things balace out.

That's quite an assumtion which actually may be true for some polys, but I doubt it's true for all, or even all that common.

Here's an assumtion I have, all people are greedy and want their needs fulfilled. Jelously apears when we think we're entitled to more than we're getting and some people, (destructive subs) deny themselves the needs they have. For any healthy relationship all people involved needs to have their needs fulfilled. This is hard enough with just two people.

To be absolutely clear on this. When I use the expression, "having needs fulfilled" I don't mean getting everything we want. Sometimes what we need is getting denied the things we want. We know our needs are fulfilled when we are happy.

I don't think I'm an emotional train-wreck who can't handle my emotions. I believe that I'm quite a well grounded and level headed guy, and that the women I've had the good fortune to have relationships with have had their needs fulfilled.

I'm certain the poly life-style works great for non-BDSM users, because there's not the need for the same level of trust or attention to one anothers needs. I've still not heard of any BDSM poly relationship that works for any length of time.

edit: I'm not saying it's impossible. I just can't wrap my head around how it actually would work in practice. Polyamoury implies no control or ownership which I would think would make D/s contradictory?