1. Why do you submit? What is the drive? What is the reward?
because the pleasure i get from knowing i've pleased him does, and always will, far outweigh the sick feeling i get deep in my stomach when i know i've disappointed him. then you wonder...ok, why should i care whether i've pleased or disappointed someone? it's just me, i guess. i'm not sure really how to explain it. i've always been a people pleaser, tried to make sure everyone around me stays happy, or always helping anyone that asks. all my life i have had a problem saying "no" to people in general. so i guess the personality traits i've had all my life are what makes me NEED to submit. i've tried to push it out of my life and live strictly vanilla. i managed for about 3 years before the need became too overwhelming. it just feels right.

2. How did you ever start down this path? Any bumps along the way?
over 7 years ago. i had wandered into an adult chat site. one of the many rooms at this site was a Dungeon. my curiosity got the best of me, which can be a good thing sometimes!! i wandered in...met MANY wonderful people...some i still call friend to this day. i read everything i could find about BDSM online. i was enthralled by it all. the more i read, the more i thought..."wow, this is what i've been missing all this time!" as far as bumps in the road go...there have been many. fights, divorce, fake Doms, learning harsh lessons, denial...you name it.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? How do you switch back and forth? What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?"
i'm the same all the time. sometimes i think that is a bad thing. yes, i am a submissive, but that shouldn't mean that i have to submit to everyone i come in contact with. that is what has been hard for me. i've gradually been trying to stop being such a people pleaser...and start telling people "no" more often. i know that has to sound so weird to some of you. i just have to work on standing up for myself and what i want more often when it comes to my general everyday life. i don't think doing so would turn me into some weird control freak Domme though. ~laughs~ i will always be a submissive and that will never change.

4. Anything you dislike about it? Anything you would rather change?
can't think of a single thing. other than maybe i wish i'd discovered all of this sooner...like before i met my husband. that way maybe we could have explored it all together. as it stands now, he knows about all of this...and he knows i need it in my life...and he is trying!! the major hurdle we have is that for the 10 years we've known each other he was always like the anti-Dom...so it is so hard for me to accept him in his new role. i do love him dearly and am grateful he does try for me, but as of right now, BDSM in our life just consists of some regular play in the bedroom. it rarely makes it out of the bedroom.

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner?
no. i tried to change myself and managed to push BDSM out of my life for 3 years because i was convinced my husband wouldn't understand or want to be a part of that side of me. i thought about it everyday until it nearly drove me crazy. i finally couldn't deny it any longer and we sat down and had many loooooong talks about it. i think a lot of things are still kind of shocking and taboo to him, but he is always willing to try. so again, no...husband or not, i would still be a submissive and i've learned the hard way that i can't bury that part of me...no matter what.