Why Do We Submit??

[annie]

Ok... i started to read all of the posts on the thread and then decided to not do that until i could answer the questions myself. So, i have been thinking about the questions, not sure i still have any further insight then i had when i first read the questions though, but here it goes anyhow...

1. Why do you submit? What is the drive? What is the reward?

The reason i submit is because of two reasons i think.

A. my personality is one of being a "people" pleaser to a certain extent. So, the drive is to please people and the reward is the warm fuzzy's that i get from knowing i have pleased my Dom.

B. The second reason is because i know how i want my life to run, how my life should run, and how my life actually runs. i need the discipline that my submission provides for me. Without it my world feels out of control, i worry more, i am more compulsive obsessive about things, i get overwhelmed, depressed, etc. i need boundaries to live a safe, healthy life and those boundaries are not always items that i can set. Or i can manage to set them but not maintain them. Having a Master, who is dedicated to my best interest and has no preconceived ideas about whom i am to be, allows me to explore but also works for my best interest because of the structure that i need to function on a safe, content, happy level. (If any of that makes any sense... lol)

2. How did you ever start down this path? Any bumps along the way?
i actually started on the path when i was in high school, i just didn't know it. After the birth of my twins, my neat and organized world, which I had always been able to maintain, started spiraling out of control. That is when i found someone who is naturally Dominate and after several months of conversations, and my following His "suggestions" i realized my true submissive side. i am certain no one would believe that i am submissive, because i have a very dominate personality, am normally the one in charge of things, etc. But, most of that comes not from the fact that i am dominate by nature but because of my compulsion for organization.

The largest "bump" has been my marriage and the fact that my husband is more submissive then i am. (One of the reasons he married me was because i was willing to take charge and make things work... lol). So, he can't Dom me as i need, because i need/want more then just a sexual relationship, since to feel secure and like the world is in order i need someone who is willing to take absolute control. i can't just leave though, we have three children and they are the first priority right now, and he is a great father and provider so it is a matter of trying to determine what is "fair" for everyone.

3. If your submissive side of your personality is different than your "everyday" self, how do you reconcile the two? How do you switch back and forth? What is your trigger for getting into "sub mode?"

my submissive side isn't that much different, people just normally don't see it because they don't take the time to look. They figure out i am organized, so i appear to be "grouped" to the world most of the time, so that leads to the assumption.

i don't think i switch back and forth between the two. i know who i have to be in "Domme" mode, so to speak, with such as organizations i volunteer with, kids, hubby, etc. and yet even while i am "in charge" i am listening too and being guided the entire time by what i was previously taught by my Dom. There are very few decisions that i make that i don't do a "Master check" on first. i am always in "sub mode" to His teaching, direction and guidance.

4. Anything you dislike about it? Anything you would rather change?
The only thing i dislike is also the one thing that makes my submission so strong. At times i get greatly annoyed by the fact that i can't seem to keep my life on track, for even the simple things, without help and direction. That just pisses me off, but in the same process if r/l interrupts and i don't have as much direction from my Dom as i would like i get annoyed and struggle... so it is a catch 22 at times for me. Not sure how i would actually change anything, this is how i am, this is how i function best, and this is when I am happiest and healthiest. If anything the change would be so that i would be allowed to deepen my submission even further then any current situation would allow.

5. Does any of the above change based on whether or not you have a current partner?
Of course it changes, i am not as centered or focused when i do not have a Dom. But, it has to be the "right" Dom or it wouldn't work anyhow. When i don't have a Master my stress level goes up, i end up depressed, over eating, and overwhelmed. When i have a partner that is able to bring me "into balance" then things seem more balanced, etc.

So... this is probably just ramblings and makes no sense but there it is!