Why Do We Submit??

[lily27]

I have always considered myself to be a strong woman. Fiercely independent. Never had to rely on anyone.

I moved out on my own while still in high school, working full time at night to support myself while attending class during the day.

I moved half way accross the country on my own to go to university, and then almost the entire way in the other direction for my job...again by myself. I had never even been to the city I am living in now until I got off the plane, bags in hand. I started work the next day.

I have met some great people where I live, and am involved in several activities that I love. But all of my close friends and family continue to live in other time zones.

Today at lunch with some co-workers we were discussing the lack of initiative being displayed by one of the girls in our office. "She is just so young.." one of them said. I pointed out that the girl is the same age as me. "Yeah, but you are old," she replied.

Over the last several months as I have begun to fully explore my submission for the first time I learned to rely on someone else. It took some time to for that trust to solidify but it eventually did. Even though I always considered myself entirely self-sufficient, the fact that I was being tasked with things such as "go get the oil changed in your car," was evidence to the contrary. I needed someone to look out for me too.

Now that I find myself back on my own again, I find myself turning towards that fiercely independent girl, but she isn't there anymore. At least no longer in her previous form. And that is what I continue to struggle with.

I have often heard people saying that D/s is like a drug. And now, I believe them.

Out of everything that has happened, this is the hardest part. It is like I changed without even realizing it, and need to be re-introduced to myself. I am no longer able to handle things the way I once did.

I know that this is just a period of transition, and I will soon have my feet back underneath me once again. But for now...boy, is it hard.


-lily

[Tae'lyn]

Lily,

Sometimes when you post it seems as though it is me writing the words.

I can understand also being in southern Alberta probably hasn't helped things all that much. And given we both have that in common too, I can see where you are coming from.

Tae'lyn

[Jensen036]

Here are my answers to your questions. I hope that this helps.

1. I submit because I derive pleasure from pleasing others. I am better at following orders than giving them. Also the reward at the end is usually worth it. The praise, love, and care that is given to the submissive is worth it to me.

2. I was introduced to bdsm by my boyfriend. He was always the more dominant one and apparently had been into bdsm for years. One night at a restaurant he showed me an example of this hobby of his and I have enjoyed it ever since. There were some bumps along the way. At times he confused abuse with bdsm.

3. My bdsm lifestyle and regular lifestyle clash from time to time. My sub trigger is usually the way my master caresses me and then calls to me in a certain voice. It arouses and excites me and makes me wish to be his sub.

4. Sometimes I think I should find better masters. The ones I find tend to enjoy inflicting pain a little to much. I am a submissive, not a punching bag.

5. I left one master because he was much too violent.