Punishment?

[slaveanita]

Scorpio has some great ideas there.

I don't pretend to be any expert and have really a short but intense grounding in BDSM, but it seems to me that the last thing you should punish a pain slut with is......pain! cos that's what she wants. You could even reverse the conditioning here and make her earn her whipping, only geting it if she is exceptionally good, and do deny her what she most wants if she is not up to your exacting standards. Then she will realise that you mean business. You could, as suggested start using an expression that really equates to 'this is your last chance, anymore fucking about and you're in real trouble', maybe not even explicitly, just use it and then punish her and do it again next time. If she's clever, and she probably is, she'll learn not to push you any more and will know you are serious. Perhaps twenty minutes ( gauge this but increase it with persistence of the behaviour ) leashed up ALONE with her hands restrained from her genitals and possibly a gag will teach her to be more compliant, she will learn that she is not in control as she sits in boredom waiting for you. I know this involves forcibly binding her but when she is bound you can make the point very clearly and at your leisure.

Don't take any crap from her. Be consistent, I would suggest a complete non-tolerance of that behaviour rather than a 'sometimes she can do it' approach. She is to stay totally docile while you bind her. At least until you have her properly trained. Subs are like dogs or errant children, consistent punshment and they will learn.

I feel like I'm giving information to the other side here

x

ps maddie, those are really hot shoes

[ChurchofVirus]

Thanks for the advice! I can use all I can get, often times I feel very frustrated cause I'm not able to keep control nor am I a very good master. I try, then again I'm learning, my biggest problem is being constant and doing bdsm stuff. I'm not very creative at all. : /

Pretty much I'm not good at acting like a master, definatly doesn't come by nature. I know the things she enjoys when we mess around, it's mostly a bedroom thing, mostly, but I'm not very good at doing it, ei, humiliation, physical control and especially punishment/reward. I've been reading a lot of information yet I still don't know how I should be conducting myself in the situation, I have the idea but it's actually doing it that's the hard part. I almost wish I could watch other master/slave couples do thier thing so I could learn from it.

Patience is a virtue.

[slaveanita]

CoV,

I think you need an injection of confidence. You have to take control of your sub. It's a bit of a spiral because if you don't project that you will not inspire it in your sub. BDSM is a lot more about the MENTAL link you form. Similarly if you LOOK like you know exactly what you are doing, remain consistent with boundaries and follow YOUR plan you will project confidence. Think of what YOU want to acheive from your sub and then extract it from her ( within agreed limits of course ). For punishment and reward have a few ideas to hand, a repertoire that you can do for each and pull out when needed, some light and brief, some more severe, depending on her behaviour and manner. Do not hessitate to exercise them.

If she is good tell her that she is from time to time, after you have established yor authority, if she's anything like me, she'll love to be found pleasing. I get a warm glow if my Master or Mistress calls me 'good girl' or 'good slut'. Tell her you may let her cum today. It's pretty simple, if she's good she gets rewarded, maybe

If she's bad she can't cum, certainly tell her this, it will work better if she's horny, you could stimulate her to that state and then make the point to her. She could be packed off to bed helpless and in heat to sweat for a night. If she is displeasing, negatively re-inforce it with warnings and then punishment.

Then get her to do what YOU would have her do and guide her approriately through it. Be picky with her to emphasize your control and enahnce your satisfaction. When you have a bit more co-operation from her, then is a good time to make her do something she finds humiliating to drive the point home a bit.

Just a few ideas. Hope you get that little subbie standing in line. That's, I'm sure, what she really needs.

x

[ChurchofVirus]

Thanks again. I'm definatly trying. As I said before I'm not a dom, I always want control but I'm not the dom type, but I do believe it is in me, so getting down the role is the hard part but I'm working on it. I need to spend more time with her discussing our roles more, because she has years of experiance and she's my best source of education. She's a switch so I'm considering suggesting she take the dom role here and there so I can learn from her actions, though that'll be wierd for me cause I'm definatly not a sub.

To everyone who has responded to this tread, thanks a ton. For a guy who never knew really anything about the scene who has jumped in head first, feedback and information are a godsend. This is a great community and I'm glad I managed to find it. Your all really awsome!

[MasterC]

well, What I did(Mine was the same way), is I thought of some rewards to give her when she does particularly well. These make her realize you are pleased, and most all subs/slaves live to please their Doms. they help to keep them striving to do good. Asfar as punishment, there are soo many options besides pain. Mine loves pain, but HATES to be bored. So recently I made her stand holding a coin against the wall with her nose for 2 hours. Trust me when I say it was very very effective. The key is to find something she does not enjoy for punishment.

Some subs require a firmer hand than others. It sounds like you need to dig deep inside and find the confidence you have to have to take control of the situation. If your trying to spank her on the ass, and she resists,and you strike her leg, she'll get the point quick enough. You just can't give in to her struggling. As long as she knows she can make you quit, she will keep it up.