maddie: 3rd assignment

[Ruby]

Maddie,

What a treat. Your writing is excellent and the pacing is just right. Congratulations! You did a wonderful job.

The caring personality of this dom shines in his story telling. He's a bit scary, yet alluring. He wants her to succeed, yet doesn't make anything too easy. Delightful!

Please answer these questions:

Would you classify this as fantasy? I ask because there is an interesting line that alludes to this being their first meeting.

He placed the scarf on her head, yet when did he remove it?

Does this relationship have any physical sex - intercourse or outercourse?

If yes, would you like to attempt writing a sex scene with these two players?

From an editor's perspective:

"Sir" with a capped S, is an Internet style and totally acceptable if you are placing this story online. If you were submitting to a print publisher, you'd want to check their guidelines and most likely use the "sir" in lowercase unless a name is used with it. The same goes for any other titles being used.

Examples:

"Yes, Sir Stephen."
"No, sir."
"No, Sir John. He isn't home."
"Yes, Mistress Elizabeth."
"No, mistress."

Also for Internet publishing and easier reading, your quotes can stand alone. You did this often, then in other places, the quotes and paragraphs merged.

Like this:

“Pearl, my pet, you have pleased me so far. It is time for you to understand what you are about to embark upon.” I turned and walked over to a cabinet along the wall, returning with a cane...

Instead of this:

“Pearl, my pet, you have pleased me so far. It is time for you to understand what you are about to embark upon.”

I turned and walked over to a cabinet along the wall, returning with a cane...

Back to this delightful story:

I find having her always look him in the eye and not speak about herself in third person is very sexy.

That she's his "pearl", okay, that's just way hot.
Having to repeat what he says, even hotter. Whew!

Your next assignments:

Please give us the third person perspective of this submissive, in this same tale. Only her perspective and not his. She can guess at his feelings, but we are going to follow her through this story and not know anything she doesn't know.

Do your best to keep the active voice as much as possible and share with us what's going on in her mind, as well as body, when he is putting her through these tests.

Please visit Severusmax's thread and check out his most recent assignment on dialog. Please read and review it in that thread, "I hope that this is the right way and place".

Congratulations, again, on very erotic tale!

Ruby