EB, this is great - I want to know more, about Elizabeth, her powers, her environment, her purpose... You have managed to get the interest of the reader precisely by not saying too much, not revealing and describing too much. Just as the atmosphere is dark, so the direction is hard to see and anticipate. Loved reading it, want to read more. Thank you.

And I'm sorry, Alex, but I disagree with just about every word you said! I won't go through it all in as much detail as you did (although I could...), but I think EB's style is quite poetic, and uses some quite advanced/literary language and turns of phrase, which would not necessarily be easy to follow for readers who are non-natural English language speakers, or anyone who is not used to reading that sort of language. Nevertheles, I totally defend her right to do it, and I enjoy it. See comment re weren't/wasn't.

Yes, though, I'm sure EB could cull - we could all always cull.

I would like to say

Quote Originally Posted by Alex Bragi View Post

.. her stomach growled in dismay..

This jarred me. Stomachs growl, but they don’t do it in dismay.
Mine does! any sort of stress in a social situation (and ESPECIALLY a quiet room with lots of people!) my stomach starts having a loud conversation all on its own.

Various comments you made about opportunities to describe her - don't see why. There's time (if it's to be a novel, not a short story). I actually find that not being painted a specific picture allows me better to build up my own. What if I don't want her to have blue eyes?

Quote Originally Posted by Alex Bragi View Post
"weren't" should be "wasn't".
No it shouldn't. It is a subjunctive. As in 'if I were you', rather than 'if I was you', although it is true that it is mostly lost now in day-to-day language. But I believe a writer has the right to use language to its fullest and richest - even if, sometimes, it might make the reader have to work harder. Reading doesn't always have to be a breeze.

Hope you don't mind me disagreeing. Even if I disagree, I think it's wonderful that you went to the trouble of going through the piece in such detail and feeding back. Agree or not, it shows great support and encouragement - keep it up, EB!