After Another Night-------

[Lee Boudine]

FOR REAPING SATISFACTION. Hanah was ready: traunatized by hours of pain and degrdation that destroyed her ego leaving her defenseless. Now after four days of being ignored as a non-person and her senses worn down by the psychological assault and lonliness of the special cell Hanah had only one defense left: the brief exhilerating pleasure of orgasm she had experienced when I had raped her the first day. It was the only pleasurable experience left in her destroyed psyche. To survive, the memory of that pleasure had grown and she had come to identify with the man who brought her that pleasure and who controlled her very being.

It is called transference: a defence mechanism of the traumatized human mind in which that person most threatning becomes that person most desired. It is a simple mental quirk that in order to survive the person adopts he who threatens to destroy. You are confused, dear reader ? Well, let me turn off the blinding light so you can see how this "transferrence" effects Hanah.

I turn off the lights and Hanah blinks. She rubs her eyes and blinks repeatedly until her eyes adjust to the dim light. She sees me , but cannot yet see clear enough to recognize me. But, she suspects, " Is that you ? Is this my examiner, my interrogator ? Tell me it is............"

She is anxious for the human contact; for the reassurance to trhe most powerful person in her life now. The one person who can save her. "Yes my precious lady of the night, it is I."

Hanah recognizes the voice that has been in the background that has brought her so much pain and degradation and the most exquisit womanly fullfilment she can recall. She fought being raped, taken by force as long as she could and exhausted, abandoned herself to the sheer animal excitement of the act which left her satiated and more vulnerable than before.

Now she recognized the source of that pleasure again and looked to me in complete subjugation for security and fulfillment of her desire that had been stoked by the torture of herbody and mind.

" IT IS YOU ! How afraid I've been that it was only a dream; an illusion that raised a yearning that would never be fulfilled. Take me, use me, hurt me or pleasure me as you will. I am yours."

"STAND UP HANAH: come to me. Come give me your body, your will, give me all of you Hanah. Turn around: and around." Hanah turned; virtually spun around and spread her legs at the same time leaning back and thrusting her pelvis toward me. " TAKE ME; OHHHhhhhh pleeessee take me. I want you to love me, rape me but I want it. I want what you can give me......"

She was deleriously waiting for fulfillment as an expectant girl surrendering herself to her lover the first time. It was something she had never before experienced as a convent educated girl who had given sex to her husband as a wifely duty for thirty years. Now she came to her inquisitor with passion that I would gladly receive and in turn reward Hanah with the ecstasy she had never known.