Submissive/Slave Please introduce yourselves here

[Mishka]

Hello. I'm 34 and have only recently begun reading and exploring BDSM. Briefly, a friend's article inspired me to read more and I saw myself in the articles about subs.

My marriage has had its share of ups and downs and I love my husband dearly. Many of the downs have been in our sex life. I do not want to have an affair, I've already decided that. I have made friends online, not many, just a few. My sexuality blossomed, mainly with those with substance. I am in charge of everything in my life, including the bedroom. I'm simply worn out. I love to give pleasure and meet the other's needs; I am near tears at the thought of satisfying someone so completely; it isn't reciprocated. It's not that DH doesn't want to, he's just not capable. (long story)

Excuse me, that was very blunt, but I could have been a lot worse. I look forward to talking to y'all.

ETA:
Two men I've enjoyed friendship and cybering with prefer a female top. They're sweet as can be and very enjoyable, but leaves me in charge yet again. I started exploring submission with a close long-term friend online. My first experience with truly being a sub and he tells me (at a very bad time, in a very confusing way) he would rather I was his peer and equal. He wants someone more frequent. Ouch. I totally understand but I was naturally disappointed. No sub wants to hear "not good enough". Off to a slow start.