My wife and I have a Nilla relationship, she just doesn't have any interest in BDSM.

Yes, I agree with the others that once you start feeling either Dominate or submissive feelings your lying to yourself if you don't explore these feelings. And yes it's important to discuss these feelings with him.

Maybe he just doesn't "get it." There are various books and websites that explore the psychology of our little kink. Bondage.com and the Castlerealm site are wonderful resources for both of you to explore and learn. I'm sure www.janesguide.com has some great links also.

Maybe he doesn't want to "hurt" you. I know from personal experience that it's hard to overcome the ingrained behavior to never hit a woman. As a pacifist, it took me a while to seperate the "violence" of a BDSM relationship from everyday run of the mill violence.

Finally, if he does love you he'll accept these feelings your having. My wife accepts the fact that I visit sites like this and attended local BDSM functions.

Our relationship is a series of constant negoitions and talks, but it works pretty well for us.