i married vanilla only to later discover my intense interest in the bdsm lifestyle. so i conveyed my interest to my husband and well....it's just flat out not his thing. we tried. he tried for me. but well you can't force someone to be gay anymore than you can force them to enjoy spanking someone else.

i totally relate to this as it is the same for me - with one exception - my Husband is my Master and we have made this work...however, he wavers in the lifestyle where i do not and that makes it difficult because the consistency is not always there.

its hard for me to know what to expect when he is in one of his 'off' moods - sometimes i expect to come home from work and have our Master / slave relationship enforced and he is just not into it. it leaves me frustrated and wanting. But i have to respect His thoughts on it as well. 90% of the time we are living the lifestyle but its that 10% that really messes with my head.