Hi all, thanks for the welcome.
I am not sure it is the spankings and humiliation that i greet and desire, (i am sure i will be finding out soon ) but definately the domination and trust. Being abused makes it difficult to trust, esp repeated, extended, or severe abuse. A person also finds themselves exerting and maintaining strong emotional and physical control over themselves that after a while, they cannot let go of. It is habitual. Being dominated...there is trust there that you are safe and can learn to let go. Actually, there is no choice *smiles*. The spankings/punishment only reinforce submitting. I do remember when i was 20 and reading some books, i would definately be intrigued by sensory deprivement, under control of a man, and being helpless in bondage, although not excrutiating bondage as i have seen at some sites. I dont have all my answers, but some understanding. What i do know, is after months of talking to this master, our interview, researching, and finally agreeing to be trained, it is what i strongly desire, what i have dreamt about, and am have never been happy, although i am sure there are going to be times i wish i wasnt *smiles*.
Time to start the day, I must go.
chat later.