No there is no consensus, mostly because we are all different in our perspective of where the limits are and because as we gain more experience the border between what is acceptable and what is not keeps moving.Originally Posted by Barton
I know for a fact that what I used to consider a fearsome flogging five years ago is but an appetizer to me today.
I knew I was at the point where my limits were shifting when I invented a three-level system of safewords for my boyfriend and I.
"Yellow" meant I am at my limit, please do something different or ease up.
"Red" meant I am at my limit but I feel that I can be pushed over it within reason. Keep doing what you are doing now but stop in two minutes, no matter what else I say.
"Black" meant stop right now! Scene is over!
These safewords have worked pretty well for us, mostly because one of our objectives when we started was to really push my limits. Sometimes I felt I should have called "black" but called "red" instead. But after the fact I was always glad I had not and felt proud of being able to do or take more for him.
The redundant safety feature was that he had to concur with my safeword whenever I called "red". That is because I am such a masochist sometimes I have fantasized beyond reasonable limits. So I trust him enough to accept this evaluation of a situation and if I call "red" but he says "black" it is because he cares for me enough not to seriously hurt me.